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Title: Fragments from a Life
Author: Eritae Halcyon (eritae_halcyon@yahoo.com)
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Adventure, Romance
Characters: DV, OFC

Disclaimer: He isn’t mine (sigh).

Summary: Snippets from a life entwined with the Sith Lord’s.

I

The first time I saw him I was a child of five.

I was hiding behind one of the pillars in the courtyard and watched him exit from his shuttle and cross the pavement to the palace’s entrance. He moved slowly, deliberately, almost as if his armor was an unaccustomed burden. My uncle, my mother’s brother, was there to greet him. His eyes were not on the Viceroy in front of him, but searching for mine instead. Somehow he knew I was there, spying on him. I took a step backwards, slipping further into the shadows.

‘Lord Vader,’ my uncle addressed him.

I had a name for this black garbed warrior now.

‘Viceroy,’ he replied.

A deep voice, calm, cool, unreadable.

‘Emperor Palpatine has sent you to start the negotiations,...’

I took another step back, knocking over the chair behind me. It fell over with a crash. The conversation I had been eavesdropping on stopped instantly. I bolted for the safety of the gardens, knowing that I had to escape before my identity was discovered.

‘Eri!’ my uncle shouted at me. ‘Come back here right now!’

His command only made me run faster.

‘My apologies, my Lord,’ I heard him say in the distance behind me, ‘That child is a rather wild and unruly creature.’

I kept running deeper into the abandoned section of the gardens, heading for my secret place, and falling, exhausted, to the flagstones when I reached it.

My uncle is going to be very angry with me, I thought miserably.

After I had regained my breath, I sat up and checked my surroundings. No one had discovered my special spot yet and the fish in the little pool were good company. I opened the box of food I had stashed away and let the crumbs trickle through my fingers into the water.

‘Hello, fishies,’ I said to my dozen or so hungry pets.

I spent the afternoon watching them and trying to entice some of the small brightly colored birds closer to me with a few berries. By midday, I was tired and hungry, but far too afraid of being punished to go back to my room. Eventually exhaustion won out and I fell asleep on the cracked marble bench next to my fishpond.

I woke to the sound of labored breathing.

‘Your uncle has been looking for you,’ Lord Vader told me.

I stared up at him and wondered how he found me. No one went into my mother’s old gardens. They had been left to overgrow ever since she died.

‘Don’t you want to go back, child?’ he asked me.

I sat up and shook my head ‘no’.

‘Why not?’

I pointed to my pets.

‘My fish need me,’ I answered.

‘Ah,’ he replied, taking a seat beside me on the bench. ‘You feel responsible for them.’

‘They get hungry and lonely,’ I told him, ‘and they are my only friends.’

He turned his head to look at me, and in those brief few seconds that he stared at me, I knew I had met a kindred spirit.

‘It is hard to be alone,’ he whispered, more to himself than to me.

‘Are you going to make me go back?’ I plaintively asked.

‘No, I came out here to find a quiet spot to meditate in,’ he told me.

‘What’s that?’

He didn’t answer me. Instead he stood up, walked over to a spot beside the pool, and knelt next to it. I watched him, curious as to what he was doing.

‘Are you watching my fish?’

‘No.’

‘Looking at the rocks?’

‘No.’

‘Looking at...’

‘Be quiet, child!’

I got up off the bench and sat down next to him. After a few minutes of silence, I tried to copy his posture. He must be looking at my fish, I decided.

‘They are nice fish, aren’t they,’ I tried next.

‘Meditation is done in silence,’ he scolded me, sounding like one of my crankier teachers.

‘Oh,’ I said.

I stuck my hand in the water and wiggled my fingers to draw the big blue fish closer. My pet obliged me for once, letting me touch his chin before swimming away again.

‘Here fishy,’ I whispered to the others, hoping they would be friendly too.

‘I can see that meditating with you here is going to be impossible,’ he decided. ‘So I will have to do something to keep you quiet.’

I stared at him.

‘Go to sleep, child,’ he ordered in an odd sounding voice.

That’s a good idea, I thought, so I curled up next to Lord Vader, and fell asleep.

When I woke the next morning, I was in my own bed.

And for once my uncle didn’t punish me for my behavior.

II

The next time I saw Lord Vader I was twelve, a child on the brink of leaving childhood behind.

I didn’t watch him arrive this time. My uncle made sure I was locked in my room. There would be no embarrassing incident like the last one.

I paced my bedroom for most of the afternoon, angry at how I was being treated. Everyone else was allowed to attend the formal reception and banquet - I was the youngest in the household and the only one excluded. Frustrated that my repeated attempts to get the door open had failed, I threw myself on the bed and burst into tears.

After a few minutes I got up again

I would escape from this room, I decided, and I didn’t care if I got into trouble for it.

Hoping no one would hear or see me, I opened the window and looked out. It was a fair drop to the ground, but if I was careful, I should land on top of the hedge and break my fall. I retrieved my cloak from the floor where I had left it, and dropped it onto the bushes. Gathering up my courage first, I jumped from the window, landed on the shrubs, and pitched forward onto the gravel walkway directly in Lord Vader’s path.

My uncle is going to be furious, I thought.

The Sith Lord stopped and looked down at where I was sprawled at his feet.

‘Have we met?’ he asked.

I nodded an affirmative, too surprised at my situation to speak. A door opened and slammed shut. Footsteps crunched on the path. I turned my head to see my infuriated uncle storming towards me.

‘Eri!’ he yelled at me. ‘You will go back to your room, and if I find you outside of it again today...’

I didn’t give him the opportunity to finish. Launching myself from the ground, I fled the scene.

Minutes later, I let myself collapse beside my fishpond.

Eri, you are really in for it this time, I thought.

I ripped a strip of fabric from the inside of my skirt, soaked it with water, and started dabbing at the blood on my legs. Falling onto the gravel path the way I did bruised and scraped my knees. It didn’t take long to clean things up, so I watched my fish swimming about to pass the time.

Night fell, but the two moons were bright and filled my hiding spot with a soft glow.

I stayed where I was, seated beside the water, thinking and brooding.

‘It’s not fair!’ I yelled at no one in particular.

‘Life isn’t fair,’ Lord Vader answered me as he stepped into the small garden.

I stared at him as he moved across the flagstones and knelt beside me. He had found my secret place for a second time.

‘Meditation again?’ I asked.

‘Yes,’ he answered. ‘I need to clear my mind and focus my thoughts.’

I mirrored his pose and shut my eyes. After a few minutes of silence, he noted, ‘You have learned to be quiet since the last time I was here.’

Not wanting to annoy him, I replied silently, with a nod of my head.

An hour later, I heard him move, so I opened my eyes to see what he was doing. The Sith Lord had risen to his feet and was watching me.

‘The Viceroy is quite angry with you,’ he informed me.

‘I don’t care,’ I rather petulantly snapped. ‘I hate him.’

‘Hate?’ he asked, his voice sounding a bit amused. ‘You know nothing of hate, child.’

I glared at him.

‘He locked me in my room!’ I protested. ‘He makes my life miserable!’

Lord Vader turned and headed away from me. Furious that I was being ignored, I leapt to my feet and followed after him.

‘He killed my mother!’ I screamed at Vader’s back. ‘I have every reason to hate him!’

The Sith Lord stopped at that and spun around to face me.

‘That is a very dangerous accusation to make,’ he flatly stated.

‘It’s the truth,’ I said. ‘He sent my father away, wouldn’t let him see her, and that killed her.’

‘From your point of view,’ he allowed.

I shook my head in frustration. I knew my parents’ story. The Sith Lord didn’t.

He stepped closer to me, gently touched my cheek with a fingertip.

‘Child, child, you will find that many truths in life depend on your point of view,’ he stated.

I blinked at him in surprise. What did he mean by that?

‘Now, I am going back to the reception,’ he told me, stepping away from me and letting his hand drop back to his side, ‘and you will accompany me.’

‘No,’ I stubbornly refused. I didn’t feel like facing my angry uncle just yet.

‘I am not giving you a choice in the matter,’ he warned. ‘You will come, willingly or not.’

I shook my head, but he simply grabbed my arm and dragged me along until I stopped resisting and fell into step beside him.

‘Better,’ Vader decided, letting go of me. ‘I don’t want to have you create another scene and make things more difficult than they already are. The treaty negotiations have dragged on for far too long as it is.’

‘Why?’ I asked, being nosy.

He glanced over at me, then returned his gaze forward.

‘Your uncle is insisting that the old traditions be followed. The Emperor disagrees. So do I,’ he divulged.

‘Why?’ I asked again.

‘That is none of your concern,’ he snapped.

I must have hit a nerve. Falling silent, I continued to walk beside him into the formal ballroom.

I looked around the room. All of my cousins, the court and important officials were in attendance. Everyone was dressed in formal, traditional garb except me. I tried to hang back and be inconspicuous.

‘Your niece, Viceroy,’ Lord Vader offered, pushing me towards my uncle from where I was hiding behind him.

My uncle gave me an irritated look and waved one of my aunt’s handmaidens towards me.

‘Lock her in one of the tower rooms,’ he ordered, ‘since she won’t stay in her bedroom, and this time make sure she can’t escape.’

I craned my head about to look at the Sith Lord as I was marched away. He watched me go, then turned to my uncle.

‘She is not as unruly as you lead me to believe...’ is all I heard him say before the doors to the ballroom shut behind me.

III

The third time I met the Sith Lord, I was sixteen. Not quite a woman, but no longer a child.

It was during the midsummer festival. I had slipped away from the celebrations to take refuge in my garden hideaway. The foolish chatter of my cousins had driven me to that. I was years younger than they were and I had little interest in their gossip. Or in giving Wren and Jos the opportunity to torment me.

I settled myself beside the pool and fed my fish. The old blue one was still alive and eagerly nibbled on the crumbs I offered.

‘Hello, old friend,’ I said to my pet.

The familiar sound of regulated breathing made me look up at Lord Vader through the fabric of my veil.

‘I doubt that you are bestowing that title on me,’ he observed as he stopped near the stone bench and stared down at me.

I froze in place. He was no relative of mine and we were alone.

‘I should go,’ I told him.

The last thing I needed to do was cause another incident. My uncle had forced me into being veiled in public long before tradition demanded it after the last one, and if he found out about this...

‘Stay,’ the Sith Lord ordered and from his tone, I knew that despite whatever punishment awaited me, I had better obey.

I still hesitated, then warned, ‘I will be in trouble if I do and someone finds out.’

‘The Viceroy’s opinion is of no concern to me,’ he answered, then repeated his command, ‘You will stay.’

At that I sat back on my heels and waited for him to take his place beside me. I knew he was here to clear his mind as he had done on previous occasions. What I didn’t understand was why he was insisting I stay with him.

He took two steps and knelt in front of me, his robes and cloak flowing and falling gracefully around him. Every motion was smooth, controlled, powerful. My eyes followed his every move. The man before me was a warrior, dangerous and deadly, if the gossip I had heard was to be believed, yet he had never given any hint of that nature in our encounters.

‘You are curious about me, if I am not mistaken?’ he asked.

I gave a start. So the rumors that he could read minds were true.

‘We hear gossip,’ I warily admitted, ‘but you are nothing like what I have heard.’

There was a low rumbling chuckle in response.

‘Rumor and fact are two different things,’ he stated. ‘You should know better than to believe what your empty-headed cousins have to say.’

I smiled at that evaluation. My foolish, chattering cousins knew little of the galaxy outside our home system, and what they did, they took great delight in exaggerating beyond all recognition. At least I had availed myself of the few books I was permitted. They never bothered. The Sith Lord, though, he was the subject of considerable speculation, some admiration, and much fear, but not once had I ever felt afraid or threatened by him.

He settled in for the quiet hour of meditation he needed.

I stayed silent, studying him, while he knelt, motionless, directly in front of me.

The media spoke of him as a great military leader, one who controlled the Emperor’s fleet and had led it to many victories. Privately whispered rumors told of darker things - his ability to kill with a look and a thought, and how he cut down men who opposed him with a brilliant red blade. Those tales did not match with what I had seen of the man before me. No, the Lord Vader I knew was controlled, calm, reflective, not at all like...

The Sith Lord stirred. Quickly shutting my eyes, I emptied my mind, not wanting him to sense my idle speculations. I had learned the hard way that voicing my opinions only led me into trouble.

An hour later, he spoke again, commenting, ‘You have mastered meditation.’

I opened my eyes and nodded. He shifted back a little more onto his heels and I could tell he was looking at me, measuring something.

‘Take off that veil,’ he ordered.

‘I can’t,’ I admitted, ‘I’m not allowed to.’

‘You will remove it,’ he warned, ‘or I will rip it off.’

I realized instantly that he would carry out that threat if I didn’t, so with slightly shaking hands, I complied, setting the fabric on the ground next to me once it was off. He leaned over and tipped my head up, making me look into his mask and turning my face from side to side. Evaluating me, I assumed, miserably. I knew what he saw - a girl who was too tall, too thin, with unruly red hair and a nose and chin that didn’t fit her face. I was no great beauty by any measure and my cousins took great delight in reminding me of that fact at every opportunity.

When he let go of my chin, I promptly put the veil back on, hiding behind it.

‘Satisfied?’ I asked, letting some of my discomfort and misery show in my voice.

‘You are acceptable,’ he answered, ‘and you are still growing into your features.’

At least he didn’t tell me I was ugly, I thought to myself.

‘Stay here for a few minutes after I leave,’ he told me as he rose to his feet, ‘it would be inappropriate for us to be seen together.’

He left after he said that, and I obeyed, waiting almost an hour before I went back to my room.

It was three years before I saw him again.

IV

It was my nineteenth birthday. I was no longer a child.

Three years. It had been three long, tedious years since Darth Vader last visited my world. After fourteen years of negotiations, my uncle finally gave in and signed the treaty with the Empire. I often wondered why the Emperor never sent troops to take control of the system. Was it that we were so insignificant that military force could not be justified?

I set my hairbrush aside and picked up my veil. While I was not allowed to be at any of the formal functions, I planned to go see my pets. They needed to be fed and at some point I knew the Sith Lord would go to the gardens to meditate. When he did, I would be there, waiting for him.

It was very late when he finally appeared.

I looked up from where I was kneeling and smiled through the veil. He had not changed a bit since we last met. Perhaps he moved a touch slower, perhaps not, but his outward appearance was the same as it had ever been.

‘My Lord,’ I formally addressed him.

I was no longer the wild semi-child I once had been. Any resistance, any inappropriate behavior resulted in punishment, and I had quickly learned to comply or be beaten. My uncle had seen to it that I was tamed, at least outwardly, for whoever he decided was a proper husband for me, but I had no desire to marry anyone.

I preferred to be alone.

The Sith Lord said nothing, simply took his accustomed place and stared at me.

‘Your veil,’ he ordered, ‘remove it.’

I didn’t bother arguing and did as he wished.

He did not touch me this time, but conducted his evaluation from a distance. When I moved to replace my veil, he stopped me with a gesture.

‘You have become a young woman, Eri,’ he noted. ‘The child in you is gone now.’

I dropped my eyes, embarrassed by the intense scrutiny I sensed from him.

‘Have you had any suitors?’ he asked.

I shook my head and blushed a bit.

‘No one even looks at me, my Lord,’ I admitted. ‘My uncle has seen to it that they are afraid to.’

‘Which is as it should be,’ he commented more to himself than to me.

I stared at him, puzzled. What did he mean by that?

‘You may replace your veil,’ Vader allowed.

I promptly did so. The fabric was a comfortable barrier now. It let me hide and kept the world out.

He was silent for a while, and I quickly realized he had started his meditation. I let myself slip into my own, and for an hour the quiet of the place lulled my senses.

His next statement shattered the peaceful mood I had slipped into.

‘I will not be returning to this world once all the requirements of the treaty have been met,’ the Sith Lord informed me.

My head snapped up from where it had dipped to. What had he said?

‘You won’t be coming back?’ I asked in disbelief.

‘There is no need to. This world is too far from Imperial Center to warrant it,’ he told me, ‘unless, of course, my presence is required in a military capacity.’

I watched him get to his feet. This would be the last time I would see him, then.

‘I won’t see you again,’ I stated.

‘Not in the role of negotiator, no,’ he confirmed.

It took a moment for that to sink in. I was going to lose the one person I considered to be a friend. Taking a deep breath I got to my feet. There was something I wanted to do. Something I needed to do.

‘May I say goodbye properly, then?’ I asked. ‘As one friend to another?’

Would he let me do this?

He hesitated, then nodded. I had his permission.

I drew near enough to him that I could smell the leather of his armor. For a second my nervousness threatened to stop me, but I overruled it and slid my arms around his waist. Pulling myself closer, I rested my cheek against his chest and waited. His breathing paused, then resumed its pace. He had not expected me to do this. There was a feather light touch on my back as he moved his hands, then swept his cloak around me. I was now wrapped in Darth Vader’s arms, completely engulfed in warm, black fabric.

He let me stay there for five minutes or so.

‘I must go,’ he finally said. ‘My presence will be missed if I stay any longer.’

I reluctantly let him go from my grasp.

‘This is goodbye, then,’ I finally admitted.

I was fighting tears and he could see it.

‘Consider it more as an ‘until I see you again,” he suggested.

The Sith Lord brushed aside the one drop which had escaped on me. With his other hand he set something in mine and bent my fingers over it.

‘To remember me by,’ he told me.

Then he was gone.

When the tears had stopped and I could bring myself to look, I opened my fingers.

In the palm of my hand, threaded on a fine gold chain, was a small, delicate wooden carving.

V

Three days later I noticed the whispers which followed me wherever I went in the women’s quarters.

‘Does she know?’ I overheard one of my aunt’s handmaidens say. ‘Does she know she has been asked for?’

There was a hiss from my aunt as I was spotted. Their conversation fell silent. Obviously I was deliberately being kept ignorant.

‘Is there something I should know?’ I asked.

‘No, dear,’ my aunt replied. ‘We are just discussing who will be going with Wren tomorrow.’

I knew then that something was wrong. My aunt had never before called me ‘dear’ and I was just about the last person her daughter Wren would want as a handmaiden. Of all my cousins, Wren had always been the cruelest to me.

‘You don’t need to worry about me,’ I peevishly snapped, ‘I have no desire to accompany her to Imperial Center.’

With that I spun about and fled to the gardens. I’d had enough of hearing people talk behind my back. Eventually I found myself beside my fishpond.

‘Hello, pets,’ I called to my fish.

They surfaced as I trickled crumbs into the water.

‘I guess you are my only friend now,’ I said to my old blue fish, fingering the carving I had been given.

He casually flipped his tail, splashing me a little, before diving to the depths again.

I stayed there, by the pool, hoping Lord Vader would return once more.

He didn’t.

Finally, tired of waiting, I fell asleep on the cracked marble bench.

When I woke, it was dark. Looking up at the sky revealed just how late it was. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to sneak back to my room unnoticed. All of the doors would be shut and guarded due to the Sith Lord’s presence in the palace tonight.

Then I heard the voices calling my name and they were getting closer.

My absence had already been noticed. And it was far too late to find a more secure place to hide until morning. Frantically surveying my surroundings, I spotted a dark corner where I might be unnoticed, but I did not run for its safety in time.

‘Eri!’ I heard my cousin Jos shout as he burst into the garden.

I froze in place, halfway to my corner refuge. Things had gone from bad, to worse. Jos just sauntered over to me in that superior way of his.

‘So this is where you sneak off to all the time,’ he said.

I didn’t answer, knowing anything I might say would only make the situation more difficult. He grabbed my arm and dragged me across the flagstones.

‘Father should be pleased I found you,’ he smugly noted, ‘though I don’t think you will be too happy when he’s finished with you.’

‘Why’s that?’ I blurted out.

I wanted to find out how much trouble I was in. Jos just continued to pull me along, laughing as he went. Torturing a victim, I thought. One of his favorite occupations as I had learnt long ago.

My cousin didn’t let go of me until we were in my uncle’s office, and I knew he took great delight in shoving me down onto my knees and ripping my veil off.

‘She was hiding in one of the old gardens, Excellency,’ Jos told his father. ‘I think she was planning to run away with her lover, just like her mother tried to do.’

My mouth fell open in disbelief. Lover? That wasn’t true, not one bit of it.

‘He’s lying!’ I yelled in response.

‘Is he?’ my uncle coldly stated. ‘You have been seen going there repeatedly in the last few months.’

‘Going into a garden isn’t a crime,’ I stubbornly retorted.

‘No, but meeting with someone in secret is forbidden to you,’ Jos so helpfully reminded me, ‘and you know what the punishment for that is, too.’

I glared up at him. He was enjoying himself.

‘I wasn’t meeting anybody,’ I protested.

My words fell on deaf ears.

‘Who did you meet, Eri?’ my uncle asked, stepping closer as he did, trying to intimidate me into answering him. ‘Who were you expecting to be there tonight?’

‘Nobody!’ I refused to reveal what he wanted to know.

My defiance earned me a stinging slap across the face from Jos.

‘Be careful you don’t mark her,’ his father warned. ‘She will need to be presentable tomorrow.’

‘Presentable for what?’ I couldn’t help asking.

‘Your wedding,’ Jos supplied.

His father gave him an annoyed look as I shook my head in denial of what I had just heard.

‘No, no, no,’ I moaned, rejecting his words. ‘You can’t just hand me over to someone I have never met.’

I hadn’t been consulted about this, hadn’t been asked. There had never been a single hint of this...not until this morning, I admitted to myself. From the fragment of conversation I had overheard, my aunt and her handmaiden knew.

‘I can and I will,’ my uncle stated.

‘I don’t want a husband!’ I shouted in protest.

‘You may not want him, but he wants you,’ he told me, ‘and I want to avoid a scandal. So, Eri, give me the name of your lover and I will see that he has no reason to cause one.’

I stared up at him, then started to laugh hysterically. What a ridiculous situation, I thought, since even if I told him it was Lord Vader I had met, he would never believe me.

My laughter earned me another slap.

‘His name,’ my uncle repeated mercilessly, each refusal to answer him earning me another blow, sometimes to the face, more often to my body.

‘This is pointless,’ Jos eventually said. ‘She won’t tell us.’

In frustration, he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me until my hair was a tangle from being whipped back and forth. Finally he stopped and I let myself slump over to the floor.

‘What’s this?’ I heard my cousin ask

I felt my necklace grow taut, then snap as he pulled on the carved wooden pendant. Too exhausted and hurt from the beating to stop him, I let him take it and hand it to his father.

‘A lover’s token. How quaint. At least this confirms my suspicions even if you won’t tell me his name,’ my uncle decided.

I heard the necklace drop onto his desk.

‘See that she is properly punished, but don’t mark her, then lock her in her room,’ he ordered.

As Jos dragged me away, I heard him add, ‘And make sure she will never see her lover again.’

VI

I bring my musings to an end. I have no more time for my memories.

Today is what I need to worry about.

I should get up but I stay in my bed. Every movement, even breathing, produces pain. There are few bruises on my body, just nerves pushed to the limit by the drugs Jos used. He was very thorough in making sure my punishment followed his father’s instructions to the letter. My cousin would make a good interrogator, I decide.

One of my aunt’s handmaiden’s comes in, the soft brush of her robes on the floor alerting me to her presence. It’s Mira from the smell of her perfume.

‘Eri, you must get up and get dressed,’ she tells me.

I turn my face to her. She falls silent. No words are needed. Mira can see the results of last night.

‘I will help you, my lady,’ she softly offers.

She helps me to my feet and over to a chair. I don’t raise any protests when she fills the bath with water, nor complain when she lowers me into it. The hot water feels good against my aching body. All too soon, Mira returns. I let her fuss with my hair, select a gown for me and dress me in it. There is no energy left within me to fight, even if I wanted to. And there is no point in fighting either.

Mira leaves me once I am ready, so I spend my time brooding. My uncle will publicly denounce and punish me today even though I am innocent. The taint of my birth proclaims me guilty. Foolish child, they will whisper, look at her, a copy of her mother who repeated her mother’s crime.

I decide it doesn’t matter.

I don’t want to be married to anyone and after today, no one will want me anyway.

Mira returns. Her hands throw my veil over my head. I get to my feet and let her lead me down to the pillared courtyard. She stops somewhere in the center of it, leaving me there, by myself, to face my fate alone.

‘This is your last chance to confess, Eri,’ I hear my uncle say. ‘Give me the name I want and I will make sure your husband never hears of your indiscretion. Stay silent and I will be forced to carry out the traditional punishment on you.’

I stay silent and shake my head.

‘Very well, you’ve made your choice, and left me with none,’ he coldly states.

I shut my eyes tight and will myself to not move. No matter what happens, I am determined to be brave about it. There will be no fear, no screams of pain or protest from me.

The first lash of the whip knocks me off balance. I hear the fabric of my dress tear, feel the burn of welts across my back. Somehow I keep myself upright. By the fourth, I have fallen to my knees, the back of my gown in shreds. I bite my lip hard to keep from crying out, expecting another one to land.

It never does. Instead I hear the sound of a body being hurled aside, then impacting hard on the ground behind me.

There is a distinctive hiss of anger. Footsteps echo then crunch on gravel as he moves from the paved entrance out into the courtyard proper. He stops beside me.

‘I trust you have an explanation for this, Viceroy?’ Lord Vader asks.

I listen carefully as he speaks. His voice is cold, flat, and absolutely deadly; his fury is barely reined in. This is the Sith Lord rumor spoke of, the man who can kill with a gesture.

My uncle doesn’t answer and I hear something small land on the ground in front of me. My necklace, I guess. Sounds of my punisher getting to his feet and moving reach my ears from behind.

‘She has taken a lover, my Lord,’ Jos informs him, ‘and refused to name him. We are only doing as our family’s honor demands.’

So my cousin was the one with the whip. I should have expected that.

‘I have told you before that your traditions have no place in the Empire,’ the Sith Lord states.

The early morning air is cold against my exposed back. I feel a trickle of blood slowly make its way down from where my skin has been ripped open on my left shoulder to my waist. There is silence in the courtyard as my uncle and Lord Vader continue to confront at one another.

Does my uncle foolishly think he can win this encounter?

‘Do as you wish with her, then, since according to the treaty she is now your property anyway,’ I hear the Viceroy finally concede in a disgusted tone. ‘You are no longer one of us, Eri, and no longer our concern. From this moment on, you are as one dead to us.’

His pronouncement shocks me into an attempt at speech. He would banish me? Sever all my ties to family and home? Leave me adrift in the galaxy? My cry of denial escapes only as a soft moan of protest, but my uncle has no doubt turned his back to me and made his exit in the traditional act of shunning. There will be no appealing this.

Jos tosses the whip aside and walks away from me. His mocking laughter echoes against the surrounding stone walls until it is abruptly stopped by a gasp. Gagging noises and a death rattle quickly follow.

‘Get out,’ I hear Vader snarl. ‘Leave, now, before I decide to make an example of you all.’

From the sounds of running footsteps and loud curses as people trample one another in their haste to obey, my relatives in attendance have taken his words seriously. Once they have all fled, in the ensuing quiet, I struggle with myself, trying to understand what just happened.

‘Don’t try to get up,’ the Sith Lord warns me when I shift about in an attempt to do exactly that.

I know he is looking at the damage Jos’ heavy hand and the leather whip had inflicted. When I feel the light touch of a gloved finger next to the deepest of the cuts on my back, it is all I can do to prevent myself from crying out in anguish. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes tight and concentrate on ignoring the pain.

‘I think I can help with that,’ his voice softly notes.

Numbness ripples across my skin, radiating outward from where his fingertip is resting. Soft fabric falls over and wraps around me, and I feel two hands moving, one sliding around my shoulders and the other under my knees before lifting me up.

‘Sleep, Eri,’ he suggests as my head lolls against his chest, ‘sleep.’

Darkness claims me as I let his voice lull me into oblivion.

VII

At the sound of the door to my quarters opening, I reflexively look up. He never bothers to announce himself, but I always know when it is him who has come to see me.

‘My lord,’ I softly call to him, extending my hand in invitation.

‘My lady,’ he promptly replies as he seats himself in a chair beside me. ‘You are well today?’

For once it is more a statement than a question, and from his actions, he intends to stay a while.

‘Yes, I feel fine today,’ I answer.

‘Good,’ is his simple response to that.

We sit in silence while I patiently wait for his next words. Something has brought him to me today. He shifts a little in his chair.

‘Your cousin still denies your existence,’ he finally states.

I smile sadly at that. Despite his many visits to my homeworld, he still refuses to accept the harsh realities of its traditions.

‘She always will,’ I admit. ‘To her, to my family, I do not exist.’

‘And tomorrow we will be at Imperial Center,’ he reminds me, ‘and she will become one of the Emperor’s concubines as the treaty with her father requires. You will never see her again unless...’

His voice trails off as he realizes the irony in his statement. I smile wryly at him. Sometimes he forgets, but I never remind him of the simple facts of my existence. It doesn’t matter, though, not to me, not to him. We have both accepted the path our lives have taken.

The leather in his chair creaks as he moves again, so I know he is not certain what my reaction will be to what he intends to say next.

‘You owe them nothing, Eri,’ the Sith Lord tells me. ‘There is no longer any reason for you to comply with the contract your uncle signed.’

I give my head a shake. He is generously looking for a way to free me from the obligation he, himself, negotiated. While a part of me would like to spite my family and bring ruin down on their heads, there are too many innocents who would be harmed if I broke that agreement. And I want to do this for the man beside me - the man who was and is my only friend, the man who deliberately delayed a treaty for years while he waited for me to grow up - the man who could have tossed me aside after hearing my uncle’s accusations, but didn’t.

‘Very well,’ he concedes, ‘we can go, now, if you wish. Admiral Piett will perform the ceremony.’

His hand covers mine in a protective gesture as he helps me to my feet. He knows I am not comfortable leaving my two rooms. Without my veil, I feel exposed, and I could almost feel the stares of the officers and crew following me the few times I had to go to the medical wing. An arm slides about my waist while he guides me from the sitting room, down the corridor. Vader doesn’t move it until we reach what I guess is his ship’s control deck.

‘Admiral,’ he calls, and is promptly answered.

‘My Lord,’ Piett replies, ‘you are ready then.’

He must have known what my answer would be and arranged this in advance.

Thankfully, the ceremony is mercifully short, if an unfamiliar one to me, and I only need prompting twice. I suspect the public setting is more for the sake of having witnesses than any real need to hold it here. At the end of it, I feel strangely lightheaded, as if a burden has been lifted away. When I sway a little, the Sith Lord’s arm resumes its place at my waist, and I am steered away from the Admiral, down the corridor we walked along minutes before.

‘You should rest,’ he advises when he finally stops inside my quarters. ‘There is nothing you need to concern yourself with, no reason for you to worry. I will see to it that everything you want is yours.’

I sink down into a chair. Holding his hand, I tip my head up and smile at him. As a child, I would never have dreamed that I would be here, now, with him.

‘Why...?” I start to ask.

‘Why you?’ he smoothly finishes for me.

I nod.

‘You do not fear me and you were never afraid of me when you were a child,’ he replies. ‘Not once, not even when you really understood who I am. And that kept bringing me back to you, to see if you remained as fearless as you were the first time we met.’

The fingers of his free hand brush my cheek. I stay silent, anticipating that he will say more.

‘I did my best to protect you from your uncle’s wrath, and when I heard what he intended to do when you were of age, to sell you off like a slave,’ he spits out, the contempt audible, ‘I intervened. He seemed eager to be rid of you, so I made our marriage a condition of the treaty.’

The whispered rumors I had overheard....

‘And I couldn’t let you go after you called me ‘friend,” he quietly admits. ‘There are very few who would give me that title.’

Understanding dawns. On my homeworld, friendship with him, once I was married, would be impossible, so he had taken the only option available to him.

‘A marriage of convenience?’ I suggest.

‘No, not of convenience nor of lovers, but of friends,’ he answers.

‘Husband,’ I acknowledge what he is to me, what I am to him.

‘Wife,’ he promptly replies, his fingers gently squeezing mine.

His hand releases mine as he moves to the door.

‘Be sure to rest,’ he reminds me again.

Then he is gone.

VIII

It’s been a month since I arrived at Imperial Center with Darth Vader, my husband.

Husband.

I have a husband. And I don’t know if I will ever become accustomed to that fact or not.

He never makes any demands on me, has never asked me to do anything other than be a friend to him, to be someone he can spend a few quiet moments with each day. In fact, most of his time is spent in his work - what I would call his work, anyway - errands for the Emperor, meetings with various officials and members of the military under his command, and other things he won’t discuss with me.

‘Eri?’ I hear Vader call me from the doorway.

It isn’t necessary because I can hear his regulated breathing, but as a courtesy he always lets me know when he is coming into any room I am in. After one of his aides startled and frightened me the first day I was here, his staff were warned to do the same.

I hold my hand out to him, as is my habit, and wait for him to take it. He settles himself next to me, but instead of releasing my fingers, he entwines them among his own, covering our two joined hands with his other. His touch is comforting, soothing.

‘Eri,’ he repeats my name, his tone softer now.

‘Yes, my lord,’ I reply, curious as to what he wants. It’s earlier in the day than when he normally seeks my company.

He laughs a little, then notes, ‘You know I am in a good mood today, don’t you?’

I nod and try to hide a smile. It’s become easier for me to read his humors, his intentions, from the inflections in his voice and his behaviour. He can’t conceal when he’s angry, nor when he is happy. For him those emotions are difficult to disguise.

Today he is quite pleased about something.

‘I have something for you,’ the Sith Lord reveals. ‘A gift to give you, but I will have to take you to it.’

He rises to his feet, pulling me out of my own chair as he gets up. Setting my hand on his arm, he leads me along, through the corridors, taking a path I am not familiar with.

‘It’s in here,’ he tells me, moving my free hand to the center of a control panel ahead of us. ‘I had the door keyed to recognize you.’

At my touch, the door opens, sliding out of our way. A warm breeze blows against my skin and the air smells damp, full of the odours one would find in a garden. As we walk through the door and inside, I realize from the echo of his boots on the flagstones that he must have converted a large section on this floor of his castle to accommodate this. And it must have cost a small fortune.

‘I sent one of my agents back to retrieve your fish,’ he admits, to my surprise, ‘and the plants are ones native to your homeworld. Your pets seem happy with their new home.’

Speechless at his kindness, I squeeze his arm in acknowledgment and silent thanks.

‘I thought having something familiar to you would help you adapt to your life here...,’ he starts to explain, then falls silent upon seeing my reaction.

I bite my lip and turn my face away from him, stare sightlessly into the black void which is my constant waking companion. It has been hard learning to live with my handicap, with the punishment my cousin so ruthlessly inflicted on me. The route from my quarters to his or the public areas are familiar ones now, but outside the walls of his castle, without a guide, I would quickly become lost, not that I have any desire to go out and expose myself to public scrutiny.

A tremor starts to run through me despite my attempts to suppress it. The Sith Lord doesn’t need to see me break down, or to cry like I have when I am alone and the full impact of my situation hits me. I have always kept my pain to myself, hidden away from him.

‘Eri,’ he says as he swings me around to face him.

I shake my head and bury my face in his shoulder as a sob finally escapes.

‘You can’t hide how you feel from me,’ he notes as he pulls me into his chest and sets a hand against my hair. ‘I have always known when you were upset, but I didn’t want to intrude on your privacy.’

Rendered mute by my distress, I simply let him hold me close as I cry myself out. There is nothing I can really say to him at the moment anyway.

‘Let’s go sit down,’ he suggests, ‘and you can feed your fish.’

An arm slides down to my waist, firmly supporting me. I am grateful for that since I am a little bit unsteady, still caught in the aftermath of my weeping spell, and rather embarrassed that it happened in his presence.

‘The garden is a copy of the one we met in,’ Vader explains, stopping beside a stone bench he seats me on. ‘It won’t take you long to orient yourself.’

My hand runs along the edge of the seat, slides underneath, and my fingers soon find the container stashed away where I always kept it. The pool should be right in front of me then, so I open the small box, reach in and toss a few crumbs in the right direction. They hit the water, making plunking noises as each morsel impacts. Sounds of fish stirring, tails flipping and splashing at the surface soon reach my ears.

‘Here fishies,’ I call.

The Sith Lord responds with his low, rumbling chuckle, no doubt remembering the first time we met. I feel his hands cup my face and turn it upwards. As he looks at me, I wonder what to say to him.

‘My lord,...’ I start, but he silences me with a finger across my lips.

‘You needed to let your emotions out,’ he tells me. ‘It was easier, I think, for me to adapt to my physical limitations than it will be for you to learn how to cope with your blindness, but I will help you as best I can.’

I nod my acceptance of this. He will keep his word and his aid will be welcome.

‘Thank you, my lord,’ I reply.

‘Not ‘your lord,” he reminds me, scolding a little, ‘your friend.’

‘Your wife,’ I gently tease in return.

I sense him pause at that before he adds, ‘your husband.’

IX

Today I had my first venture outside Vader’s castle, out into the public realm I have been avoiding. It was not an easy thing to do, yet my husband insisted it was finally time for me to make an appearance at his side. He was rarely more than an arm’s length away from me, hovering protectively almost. Nothing untoward happened, but being in the presence of the Emperor was disconcerting. I know Palpatine was staring at me, measuring me, when I was first introduced to him.

At least the event was one where I had nothing more to do than sit at the Sith Lord’s side and smile when he prompted me to. I was never interested in military parades as a child, so the hour long stream of men and transports, ship fly-bys and various displays of might would have been wasted on me even had I the ability to see them.

It was the snippet of conversation I accidentally overheard afterwards which started me wondering about the Sith Lord’s past.

His master had called him aside, presumably out of my range of hearing.

‘Her cousin is an empty-headed dimwit and a troublemaker,’ the Emperor had said of Wren. ‘She has created chaos among my concubines where there was once relative harmony.’

Vader remained silent at that. I could have warned him about Wren’s tendency to gossip and wreck havoc in my uncle’s women’s quarters, but he never asked me about her.

‘Fortunately, your choice for a second wife seems to be a more agreeable one than your first was, my old friend,’ his master noted.

‘She pleases me,’ was my husband’s simple reply. ‘And she is easy to manage.’

‘Good,’ I heard Palpatine’s voice fade as he walked away. ‘See to it that she stays that way. We will speak of other things later...’

We returned home, to the Sith Lord’s castle, immediately after that, and he left once I was safely in my quarters. I suspected he went back to discuss those ‘other things’ the Emperor had mentioned.

My restless feet and unsettled mind prompted me to wander to my garden, which is where I am now, thinking.

Vader had a previous wife, a woman who I know nothing about, and from what the Emperor said, she must not have met his approval. For an hour or two, I debate asking my husband about this, then decide to leave it alone. If he wanted to discuss her with me, he would have already done so. Perhaps this first wife of his is a topic best avoided.

Still, I note as I toss my fish their dinner, it is strange that he has said very little about his past. I know he was once a Jedi knight, that he fought in the Clone Wars, and destroyed his former colleagues after he discovered their plot to assassinate Palpatine, then Chancellor of the Republic. This is all he has ever revealed to me. And he only told me that much after I asked if what I had learned from my teachers and read for my lessons as a child was true or not.

I hear the door slide open and booted feet upon the paved path.

My husband is back and knew I would be in here, waiting for him to come to me. He always spends an hour in meditation with me every evening he is on Imperial Center. It has become part of his daily, planetside routine.

‘My lord,’ I call to him.

‘My wife,’ he replies as he stops in front of me.

His hands cup my face, turn it upwards so he can look down at me. I smile up at him and wait. Tonight, though, he doesn’t let me go right away and move take his place by the fishpond. Instead, he stands there, silently staring at me. After a few minutes, his thumb lightly brushes across my lips and a hand caresses my cheek.

‘My lord?’ I question, puzzled by his odd behavior.

His hand continues its motion downwards, traces a path along my neck, pauses, then sweeps tentatively over my left breast before he yanks it back and steps away from me.

‘Eri,’ he whispers, his voice sounding a bit strained. ‘I shouldn’t have come to you tonight.’

I tip my head while I decide what to say. This is not what I have come to expect from him.

‘Is something wrong?’ I ask, uncertain about what I should do next.

‘Something, nothing, perhaps everything,’ he quietly contradicts himself. ‘Perhaps everything is going as it should, perhaps nothing is as it ought to be.’

‘You are speaking in riddles,’ I tease him, trying to draw him out of this odd, melancholic mood he is in.

‘Riddles which have no simple answers,’ he wryly states.

‘So...,’ I try to lead him into an explanation

He sighs and as he does, I know he has turned away from me.

‘I find myself wanting things I should not,’ he admits. ‘Feeling emotions which are forbidden to me. It would be best if we did not speak of it.’

I nod in answer, though from his position, with his back to me, he cannot see my agreement. Slipping off the bench, I go to him, slide my arms about his waist from behind, offering what little comfort I can. His hands move to rest overtop of mine.

I know why he is fighting with himself and I know what he is so torn about.

But I will abide by his wishes and say no more about it.

X

Soon my handmaiden will be here to help me out of my formal gown and prepare me for bed. A new production opened at the Galactic Opera house tonight and the Emperor wanted us to be in attendance. The music was at least pleasant to listen to, but the intricacies of the complicated plot completely escaped me.

I set my hairbrush down on the table in front of me and consider my situation.

It has been a year since I was married to Lord Vader, my husband.

I am his wife, his Lady, in public, but out of sight, behind closed doors, our relationship is only that of good friends. He has been reluctant to move it beyond that and I have respected his need to leave things as they are.

Not once since that day has he hinted at his hidden desires, or the emotions I know he struggles with at times.

Nor have I ever told him my thoughts or feelings on the matter.

Perhaps it is time for me to do that.

‘My Lady,’ I am greeted by the young woman who has become my companion.

‘Come in,’ I tell her, ‘and help me out of this heavy dress.’

She is quick to come to my side and I am soon alone again, wrapped in my nightgown and robe, debating what I should do. For once, I decide to be bold and seek my husband out. Rising to my feet, I head to the one spot I know he can be found at this hour, if he is still in his castle. It is the one place in his castle I have never entered even though I have access to it.

I count steps as I walk to his quarters, through the small reception area, past his office, then turn and rest my hand on the controls for the door into the most private of all spaces in his residence - the room where his meditation pod is and his bedroom lying beyond that still. He said he had keyed this door to respond to me, but I have never needed to open it before now.

When the door slides aside, I start a bit. There is not a sound from inside other than the low, steady hum of equipment running. Then I hear a mechanism trip, compressors whining. A hiss follows, accompanied by the feel of air escaping against my skin and smell of medications assailing my nose. I take a step backwards, but a single word stops me from retreating any farther.

‘Eri?’ the Sith Lord calls.

This is not his normal speaking voice which I am hearing - it is slightly higher in pitch and softer, almost gentle. There is no mechanical inflection in it at all.

‘Eri?’ he repeats, sounding concerned now.

‘My Lord,’ I hesitantly answer.

‘I can’t leave my pod open for very long when my helmet is off,’ he warns, ‘so if you want to talk to me, you will have to either come inside or wait for a few minutes outside while I replace it.’

I bite my lip and nod, but I know if I wait too long, I won’t be able to tell him what I need to.

He assumes my positive response is for the first option he gave me.

‘Walk straight ahead until I tell you to stop,’ he instructs. ‘There’s a step I will help you over.’

I do as indicated, halting when I hear him tell me to. The sensation of air rushing over my skin and medicinal odors are stronger now, so his pod must be pressurized. His hand takes mine and pulls me forward, guiding me over the lip. Once I am inside, his hands settle on my hips, pushing me to lower myself.

‘What are you doing?’ I ask as I resist the downwards pressure he is exerting.

‘There won’t be enough room for you to stand once the pod is sealed,’ he reveals, ‘so you will have to sit down.’

At that I let him move me as he wills.

‘Oh,’ I exclaim as I find myself sitting on his lap, listening to the pod close over top of us, sealing me inside it with him.

This is the most physical contact we have ever shared.

‘Now,’ he says and I can feel his warm breath against my hair, ‘what brings you to me so late at night?’

Upon feeling his warm body next to mine, his arms securely wrapped around me, whatever courage I once had, has fled. I shift a little, then realize where I am, what I am doing, and begin to blush. Heat is burning in my cheeks.

‘My Lord?’ I say, trying to delay the inevitable confession I expect he will extract from me.

‘Yes?’ he prompts, sounding a touch amused.

‘I can’t tell you,’ I admit.

The Sith Lord lets out a low chuckle.

‘So you came to me, to tell me something that you can’t tell me?’ he teases.

‘Yes,’ I answer simply.

He is silent a moment, considering what to say to me, I am sure. There have been times when I have found it difficult to talk to him, to let him know what I am thinking. Then, he patiently waited for me to come out with what was bothering me, but this time I will be venturing into forbidden territory.

When the silence continues, I decide it would be best to speak before he does and say it in as few words as is necessary.

‘My lord, I l...,’ I begin my confession.

He quiets me with a single finger on my lips.

‘Eri,’ he says only my name, but so much is encompassed in that one word.

Longing. Desire. Need. An overwhelming, aching need which calls to me and matches my own. My name hangs in the air between us, like an ancient banner unfurled in the still air before a battle.

I know what he cannot bring himself to admit out loud, what he wants from me, and I find myself incapable of denying him. All he need do is ask it of me. I lean closer towards him, silently giving him the answer to his as yet unspoken question.

‘Eri,’ he repeats my name, but this time without the tension in his voice.

His grip loosens as he goes to remove his gloves and sets them aside. Curious as to what he intends, I raise no objections. Instead, I try to contain my nervousness and hold my hands steady in my lap. Uncertainty raises its head. What is he going to do? What does he expect me to do? I don’t even know how to properly kiss him. He’s almost twice my age and no doubt has all the experience I lack. Will I please him? Disappoint him? Amuse him? My hands twist in embarrassment.

He soon places one of his hands over mine, stopping my fidgeting.

‘Oh, it’s metal,’ I note, surprised at the coolness against my skin.

‘When I was injured,’ he states, ‘I lost more than my ability to breathe without assistance. My arms and legs are not my own...’

As his voice trails off, I sense his awkwardness, his discomfort in revealing this. Beneath his concealing armour no one would ever know unless they were told. Do his artificial limbs change how I feel? No, I decide, they don’t.

‘It doesn’t matter to me,’ I reassure him.

His hand leaves mine, moves and turns my face towards him. I hear his breath draw nearer, then feel two soft lips gently pressing against my own. Not sure what else to do, I mirror what he does, parting mine to his, opening my mouth to him. Our first kiss is a slow, tender one as he patiently waits for me to work out what I should do. When he pulls back to let me catch my breath, I know the next one will be better.

‘The Emperor is sending me away to supervise the final phases of a military construction project,’ he admits, his lips brushing across my forehead. ‘I must leave in a few minutes, and it might be weeks before I return.’

His mouth quickly finds mine again, but this time, he doesn’t hold himself back. Teeth lightly nip my lower lip; a tongue slides inside my mouth. From his throat, a low growl escapes as I dig my fingers into the leather of his bodysuit to hold myself steady. This kiss bruises my lips, steals my breath away, sears my soul. Permanently marks me as irrevocably his.

‘You are mine, my wife,’ he whispers in my ear when he finally ends it.

‘I am yours, my husband,’ I just as quietly agree.

My voice is weak, unsteady. I know that if I made an attempt to get up I would be incapable of standing. The Sith Lord seems to know this as well. He doesn’t kiss me again, but holds me close instead. While I work through the implications of what just happened between us, I rest my head on his shoulder and sigh contentedly.

‘Pleased with me?’ he observes, no doubt amused by my innocence.

I shift a little and smile. He didn’t get angry with me and seems to have accepted how I feel for him without my saying a single word about it. Now, I wish he would discuss what we should do about it.

‘I will take that as a ‘yes,” he decides.

A low chiming fills the confines of the meditation pod.

‘My flagship has just finished all the necessary departure preparations,’ he explains. ‘I must go now.’

I stiffen at that. He has no more time to spend with me and I still haven’t said to him what I set out to.

‘My lord, I l....’

He stops my confession with his mouth on mine again, but keeps the contact brief, only long enough to ensure I don’t finish those three words.

‘Don’t say it,’ he warns when he pulls away. ‘Not yet, not until you are really sure of what you feel.’ He pauses a moment, caresses my cheek, then softly adds, ‘I don’t want to hear it from you unless you are truly ready to say it and mean it, Eri, because once you do, we can never go back.’

Then his helmet and gloves are on once again, and he is guiding me back to my quarters with his arm loosely held about my waist. He leaves me there, standing in the center of my bedroom. After he is gone, I untie my robe and slide it off, dropping it on the floor before I crawl under the sheets.

For several hours I lie there, thinking, between bouts of trying to fall asleep. A year, an entire year has gone by and I am still only his wife in name. Were it any other man, I would wonder at his restraint. He is definitely not behaving in the way I would expect a husband to act towards his wife.

Yet it is obvious to me that my husband loves me and probably has for quite some time - he just won’t admit it. And I love him in return - but he denies me the chance to say it, refuses to hear it from me. Perhaps he doesn’t want things to change between us. Maybe he’s afraid of letting our relationship move on from that of friendship to something else, even though I am prepared to take that step.

Frustrated, I give the covers, which are in a tangle from my restless tossing about, a tug or two to straighten them out. He said he would be away for at least a few weeks. I will have time to decide what is the best way to convince him my feelings for him are real and that I know what I want from him. My mind a bit more settled, I rest my cheek against my hand, shut my eyes, and let myself drift.

XI

I wake at the light touch on my shoulder.

‘Eri,’ my husband scolds, ‘do you know what time it is? You should be in bed.’

I blink at him, clearing sleep from my mind as I push myself upright. For a moment, my joints protest my movements. The bench in my garden has a cushion on it, but it is not the most comfortable place to have a nap.

He must have just arrived, on schedule for a change, from wherever the Emperor had last sent him. I knew he would look for me in here before going about the rest of his evening routine, so I chose to wait for him rather than go to my quarters.

‘My Lord,’ I greet him. ‘You have returned at last.’

He has been gone for weeks and I missed him every minute he was away. Rather than diminishing my feelings for him, our separation has only intensified them.

‘I will have to go back in another year,’ the Sith Lord reveals, ‘but if it remains on schedule, that particular project should be complete by then.’

I hear him move closer, then feel the cushion shift as he sits next to me.

‘So, what have you done to entertain yourself the last few weeks?’ he asks.

His hand takes mine and gives it a gentle squeeze of encouragement.

‘Not much,’ I admit. ‘There was a formal reception at the palace, but I didn’t want to go without you, so I stayed here instead.’

I don’t like official functions. There is too much personal maneuvering, politics, and plotting which takes place, and I am far too ignorant of galactic affairs and the Emperor’s court to venture out into such dangerous waters on my own. Even when my husband is with me, I am uncomfortable in that type of setting. It was far safer to claim illness and beg off attending.

‘I did go out to visit the botanical gardens,’ I confess, adding when he doesn’t press me for details, ‘There was a new exhibit and the head botanist let me touch and smell some of the plants and flowers.’

My world is so constrained, now, narrowed to what smell, hearing, taste and touch allow, that my little trip had made quite an impression on me.

‘I know you enjoyed yourself,’ he tells me, chuckling a little. ‘I arranged that for you before I left.’

I smile shyly and turn away from him to hide my expression. He understands me all too well, I think. If only I knew him as well as he does me. Then, I would be more certain of what to do and say.

‘Eri,’ he calls to me, using an arm behind my back to bring me around to face him. ‘You don’t need to censor yourself with me. You know that. So talk to me.’

I give my head a slight shake. The only topic I really want to discuss is one he has deemed off limits.

‘I can’t,’ I own up.

‘That topic?’ he asks.

‘Yes,’ I confirm, feeling a bit miserable about the situation.

A sigh somehow escapes from him.

‘We are both too tired to talk about this right now,’ he decides. ‘Later, when you are rested and I have some time free to devote to you - we will deal with this then.’

I nod in acceptance. He will speak to me when he is ready. All I can do is wait until he feels the time is right. Now that he has promised to discuss it with me, there is no point in pushing him for a specific hour.

‘My husband,’ I softly tease him.

‘My wife,’ he automatically replies.

‘It’s time to go to bed,’ I suggest.

He lets out his low, rumbling laugh at that, no doubt reading more into my words than I intended, making me color a little.

‘Sleep for you, work for me,’ he decides. ‘I must catch up on what has happened during my absence. It will be a few hours yet before I can rest.’

Vader gets up, pulls me to my feet. His arm takes its usual place at my waist. I have missed him, truly missed having him near me.

I walk at his side, my steps lighter than they have been in weeks.

XII

A few days later, in the early evening, the Sith Lord intercepts me when I am on my way from my quarters to the garden.

‘Walk with me,’ he suggests, offering an arm.

I rest my hand in the crook of it and let him guide me down a few corridors. It isn’t the route to the garden, so I wonder where we are going. Eventually, he stops, opens a door, and there is a breeze upon my face. We must be outside his castle. Before I can protest, he maneuvers me in front of himself, forcing me to stand at an edge I can feel through my slippers with my toes. In a panic, I lean back against him and cling desperately to his bicep, but he refuses to budge or let me retreat to safety.

‘How much do you trust me, Eri?’ he asks.

I don’t answer him. Instead, I dig my fingers deeper into the leather of his bodysuit.

‘Do you trust me with your life?’ he presses the question. ‘Do you trust me enough to let go of my arm?’

Stopping my attempts to get a firmer grip on him, I consider what he has just said. This is a test, I quickly realize. He’s doing this to me on purpose. I tip my head sideways, thinking of what response he expects. Slowly, deliberately, I lift one finger at a time and let go of his arm, hoping that I am doing the right thing.

He won’t let me fall.

At least I don’t think that he will.

‘So you trust me that far,’ he observes. ‘Will your faith in me always be that unshakeable?’

I take a slow controlled breath. He isn’t finished with his test yet.

‘Now, take a step forward,’ he orders.

I sway a little and swallow hard. Trust. This is a matter of trust - my confidence in him, his faith in me. And he is going to make me show him whether or not I believe he won’t let me come to any harm.

The wind whips past us, slapping his cloak against the wall and tangling my hair. I inhale deeply and prepare to take the step he has told me to. And the instant I move forward, I find myself being yanked backwards and spun about, pulled firmly into his chest. Two strong arms hold me securely in place. For a few minutes there is silence while I stand there shivering against him with my hands hanging onto the back of his belt. That, I decide, was the most frightening experience of my life.

‘Eri,’ he softly says to me, his hand stroking my snarled hair, ‘I didn’t want to do that to you, but I had to know - I had to be sure.’

I remain mute and nod my head. He wanted tangible, irrefutable evidence of my trust in him. But how I wish he had chosen another means for me to demonstrate it.

‘I won’t ever do that to you again,’ my husband vows.

Turning my head, I rest my cheek against his chest and listen to the soothing sound of his steady heartbeat. He pulls his cloak across my back and holds it in place, cutting off the chill air and warming me up. His other hand continues to caress my hair and face.

I know he’ll keep his promise to me. Every other one he has made, he has.

XIII

I take my seat and wait for my husband to assume his next to mine. It’s been a week since he returned from inspecting that construction project, and he decided at the very last minute to attend this ‘small’ dinner party at the Imperial Palace, small being a relative term. The large banquet hall we are in is packed with the Emperor’s court.

Somehow I stop from shifting uncomfortably in my chair. I can hear Wren’s voice nearby, gossiping about some Moff’s wife. She is probably with Palpatine’s other concubines, and knowing her, as far away from me as she can manage. If she knew in advance I was going to be here, she would not have come herself.

‘...but that’s not all,’ my cousin says to her audience, ‘I could tell you stories about his wife, too.’

From the emphasis in her voice, I know she must be referring to me. I turn to face the Sith Lord who has finally chosen to join me.

‘Ignore her,’ he suggests, no doubt having overheard her last remark. ‘There is nothing she can say which will harm you. Your cousin is merely one concubine among many while you are my Lady. She is no one and nothing next to you, and she knows that.’

I let out a quiet sigh.

‘At least she has finally admitted I exist,’ I wryly note. ‘That’s an improvement of sorts.’

His hand covers mine as he settles himself beside me.

‘If she goes too far with her childish attacks, I won’t be the one she needs to be concerned about,’ the Sith Lord reveals. ‘My master will not tolerate that sort of behavior from her for very long before he does something about it.’

Palpatine had said long ago he was tired of Wren’s trouble making. He’s put up with it because of the treaty with her father, I suspect, but there will come a point where having access to my home system’s rare mineral resources no longer matters to him. Her fate is in her own hands, I decide. If she chooses to provoke the Emperor, she will be the one to pay the price. I shiver a little. There’s no question in my mind what Palpatine will do to my cousin.

There is a gentle, reassuring squeeze to my hand, so I return it.

XIV

It’s been a busy day, I note, as the Sith Lord helps me out of his airspeeder. First a trip to the Emperor’s skyhook for some business my husband had to deal with, and then an early dinner at the Manarai for me. Now, I expect he will take me to my rooms to change from my formal dress to a more casual one, before we meet in the garden for his hour of evening meditation.

My husband doesn’t follow our usual routine. Instead, he waits outside my door for me, then guides me to my place beside the fishpond. I shift about, ensuring I am comfortable, while I listen to him pace back and forth. He is definitely not acting normal.

Finally, he ceases his restless movements and stands in front of me. I feel his hand on my hair, before a finger traces a path down my cheek, stopping under my chin. My face is tipped up, no doubt so he can look at me. Then his hand is withdrawn again and I know he has turned away from the brush of his cloak against my knees.

‘My Lord?’ I question.

Silence.

‘What is it?’ I venture, trying to prompt a response.

‘I know how you feel, Eri,’ the Sith Lord admits. ‘You don’t need to tell me. It’s impossible for you to hide what you want from me.’

I stay where I am, thinking of what to say in reply.

‘I once felt for someone as you do for me,’ he quietly reveals. ‘She was my wife and she betrayed me with my best friend.’

My mind races until I remember the few brief words I had overheard him exchange with the Emperor. He’s referring to her, to his first wife, and is still hurting from that betrayal all these years later.

‘I killed her and our unborn child with her for that,’ he flatly states.

‘My Lord,’ I reassure him, ‘I am not her.’

I get to my feet and start to go to him, but stop at his command.

‘Don’t, Eri,’ he warns, his voice full of emotional turmoil.

He’s fighting with himself, caught in terrible memories of pain, betrayal, and loss, I sadly note, as he stalks away, leaving me there. My husband is tormenting himself with not only her infidelity and his friend’s treachery, but also his own destruction of that which could have been and is forever out of his reach. And I wonder if he will ever forgive himself for what he did.

Because until he does, he will never admit how he feels for me. Nor accept my love for him.

XV

In the three years since that day he confessed to me, I have waited patiently for the Sith Lord whenever he has returned to his castle. It has become a part of my routine, even though he rarely has any time to spend with me. Sometimes, I think, he avoids me rather than face what I represent. Our relationship has never been the same since he told me what his first wife’s fate was.

On this occasion though, once he enters the garden, I can tell something is different.

I tip my head and listen carefully. His step is lighter, as if an invisible burden has been lifted. When he reaches the bench I am sitting on, his hands cup my face for a moment before he releases it again. His cloak swats my leg as he spins about and takes his place beside me.

‘My Lord?’ I ask, puzzled by his odd mood.

I hear the creak of leather when he turns to look at me.

‘I have a son,’ he whispers.

Somehow I stop my mouth from dropping open.

‘A son?’ I just as quietly repeat back to him.

‘A son,’ he confirms, sounding almost elated by this news. ‘I have a son. I didn’t kill her. I was told I had, but I didn’t.’

‘Oh,’ I exclaim, then as the implications sink in, ‘Oh.’

‘All those years...’ his voice trails off, then grows harder. ‘All those years I believed in a lie. A terrible, horrible lie.’

I start to say something to him, to comfort him, but he stops me with a finger to my lips.

‘There’s something I must do,’ he tells me. ‘Wait for me. I will be gone a few days.’

Then he is off, hurrying away from me to do whatever this mysterious errand is. I shake my head, bewildered by the information I have been given and amused at his order to wait for him. Where would I go and what would I do?

XVI

A week later, the Sith Lord is back.

He comes to my quarters this time.

My handmaiden backs away from the chair I am in when he enters my dressing room. She’s afraid of what might happen, I decide, since my husband has never done this before.

‘Leave us,’ he orders.

There is no hesitation in her haste to obey.

I set my hairbrush down, pull my robe tighter around myself, and wait for him to tell me why he has sought me out.

‘Eri,’ he calls to me, his voice softer now.

His hand reaches over, catches a lock of my hair which he runs through his fingers and soon releases. There is a step forward, then another, and two large, gloved hands settle on my shoulders. I bring one of my own up to cover his, reassuring him with my touch as best I can.

I suspect I know why he is here.

‘I haven’t been a very good friend to you the last three years,’ he wryly admits.

‘You have been ...’ I begin a rebuttal.

‘I have been neglectful, rude, distant, foul-tempered, and ....’

‘My husband,’ I interrupt him. ‘You have been my husband.’

‘And not a very good one, at that,’ he refuses to be deterred. ‘I need to apologize to you, which is something I am sadly out of practice at doing.’

I tighten my fingers over his. He doesn’t need to say another word, but he will insist on finishing what he came to me to do.

‘Eri, I....’ he stops partway through what I expect to hear him admit, then tries again. ‘I....’

The Sith Lord can’t finish it, and I don’t think that he will ever really be able to say it to me. I rise from my chair, feel his hands fall away from me as I turn to face him.

‘You don’t need to say it,’ I tell him. ‘I will do that for you.’

I step forward, into his arms. It is a welcoming, loving embrace he holds me in, my head resting against his chest, my hair spilling down my back, covering his hands.

‘I love you, my Lord,’ I confess, ‘and I know you feel the same way for me.’

His breath catches a moment, pauses, and in that instant, his acceptance of those two simple facts is apparent.

XVII

We are walking, hand in hand, to his quarters when his aide finds us.

‘My Lord,’ I hear him announce, ‘the Emperor...’

‘... commands my presence,’ my husband finishes for him.

I smile and laugh a little. He’s been expecting this summons for the last four days. The timing of it, though, like mine of my love for him, couldn’t be worse.

‘Go,’ the Sith Lord orders, ‘Tell the Emperor I will be there within the hour.’

He waits until the Lieutenant has left before speaking.

‘I suspect my master will send me out to supervise the blockade of the rebel base at Yavin,’ he reveals, sounding a bit annoyed. ‘It is a task he should be giving to the fleet admirals, not I, but I will do as I am bid.’

His finger traces my cheekbone before he pulls me in close.

‘I can’t take you with me, Eri,’ he adds, his warm, even breaths ruffling my hair. ‘It’s too dangerous for you to be on my flagship during a battle, and even though I can protect you there, you would be a distraction to me when I need to remain focused. You will be safe here, and I will comm you every day I can.’

I nod my head against his chest.

‘You should go,’ I tell my husband. ‘You don’t want to anger him.’

‘We have time for one kiss,’ the Sith Lord suggests. ‘The other things will just have to wait a bit longer.’

A blush creeps across my face. Kisses are all that we have been able to share the past few days. Tonight was supposed to be ours, but instead he will be gone again. Trust Palpatine to choose today, of all days, to call for him.

‘I can wait,’ I promise.

‘For the kiss or ....’ he hints.

Irked at his teasing, I start to draw away, but he doesn’t let me. His arms hold me as tight to him as two bands of durasteel secure the mitawood planks of a barrel on my homeworld. I don’t resist and rest my head on his shoulder once more.

‘It isn’t fair,’ I complain a little.

‘I know it isn’t fair,’ he agrees as he closes the door after us, sealing it, ‘but one kiss is all I can offer you right now.’

‘One kiss,’ I repeat to make sure he will keep his word.

‘One kiss,’ my husband confirms, loosening his arms.

‘I’ll take it, then,’ I accept his offer while he trips the mechanisms which control the environment in his bedroom.

We will have just a few precious minutes to ourselves before he must go. As he sits down on the bed, pulling me down beside him, I decide to make the most of them. I wait impatiently for the atmosphere to pressurize and his helmet to be lifted away. It takes a moment more for him to remove his mask and vocoder. The instant he sets those aside, I slide my arms about his chest and set my lips on his.

He eagerly takes what I am willingly giving him. I feel his teeth click against mine in his haste to get me to open my mouth. For a few seconds, I resist, which produces a nip to my lower lip from him. My jaw drops and his tongue slides in next to my own. There is an amused growl from him as I try to block his attempts to explore further with it. This is a game we have played before. Eventually, I let him win.

Finally, he breaks our kiss, leans back and simply looks at me. I know my lips are bruised, my hair tangled, and my cheeks flushed.

‘Eri,’ he whispers, his voice both soft and husky at the same time.

I feel his hand barely brush across my cheek. The contact raises bumps on my skin and sends electricity through my spine. A second light touch down the other side of my face starts my stomach fluttering.

‘I really don’t have time for this,’ he murmurs as he starts another kiss.

Two hands settle at my waist, above my hips before sliding around to my back as he pulls me in close. They move upwards, encircle my face, so I shift my own hands to do the same, then hesitate and move them higher, to his head. I have never touched him, really touched him, before now, but he makes no attempt to stop me. The flesh at the back of his neck is warm, hot almost, and rough, scarred beneath my fingers. More injuries from the same incident which left him crippled?

This kiss leaves me unsteady and clinging to him when he finishes it. His emotions, his unmet desires are radiating out from him, affecting me in a way I have never experienced before. I want him, right now, despite the fact he should be leaving, in spite of what the risks are. It’s then I realize the Sith Lord has no intention of holding himself back or waiting any longer for what he wants, his master’s summons be damned.

‘You need to go,’ I remind him.

‘Later,’ he rumbles in reply.

The hands which had been around my face slowly move downwards, settle on my breasts, tracing lazy circles around each one through the thin mothsilk fabric of my dress. A fingertip caresses each nipple which is now sensitive and erect. His touch only increases the nervous energy which has settled low in my abdomen.

I set my hands over his, stopping them from doing anything more.

‘You need to go,’ I repeat.

‘Not yet,’ he firmly states.

He shakes off my fingers, freeing his, and resumes his explorations. This time one hand strokes my stomach while the other moves lower. In an attempt to get him to heed my warnings, I refuse to open my legs wider at the pressure he exerts to the inside of my thighs.

‘Don’t resist what we both want,’ he tells me.

I give my head a shake and stubbornly try again to get him to see reason.

‘My Lord, you will be late,’ I caution him.

‘Then I will be late,’ he calmly announces.

I reach up to touch his face. He’s smiling at me. His lips are curved up, his eyes crinkled at the corners. Puzzled, I tip my head and consider.

‘You don’t really have a meeting with the Emperor, do you?’ I ask at last, realization dawning.

A trick. He’s played a trick on me.

‘No, I don’t have a meeting with my master,’ he reveals with a laugh, ‘but I do need to leave in the morning.’

With one quick motion, he flips me backwards, onto the bed, as he gets up to stand above me. I am now sprawled across the covers. The Sith Lord removes and sets aside various parts of his armour next. For a minute, he stays motionless, looking at me, waiting, I guess, for me to do something. The bed shifts under his weight as he resumes his place next to me. His hands slide up my legs, shoving my dress out of his way. When they reach my hips, he pulls me down a bit, bending my knees. Positioning me, I note as the bulk of his body pushes my ankles and knees apart.

‘I need you,’ he confesses, ‘and I have wanted you for so long that I won’t wait any longer.’

I do my best to not let him see my nervousness, despite the churning in the pit of my stomach. While I am inexperienced, I am not entirely ignorant. Stories abounded in the Women’s Quarters about what a man would do to you. And I am not quite sure what my husband intends to do to me.

‘I will do as much or as little as you want me to,’ he finally voices a reply to my thoughts.

My cheeks begin to burn.

‘You are my friend, Eri, my wife, and I want you to be my lover, too,’ he admits.

I feel his hands move again, this time lightly stroking my stomach.

‘But before we do anything, you need to relax,’ my husband notes.

Cool metal fingers dance on my skin. Their motions are soothing and almost hypnotic. I feel myself drifting a little, lulled by his gentle touch.

‘Better,’ he softly says.

His weight moves again, forcing my legs wider apart, but I pay no heed to where he has gone. What he is doing to me with just his hands is enough to keep my attention fixed on my middle.

‘Take my hand, Eri,’ he suggests.

I do as I am told, twisting my fingers among his.

The Sith Lord’s other hand abandons my stomach and goes lower, between my legs. I feel him slide it between the folds of flesh there, exploring, caressing, touching - acquainting himself with my body. A shudder runs through me when he strokes me and my fingers grip his. His lips touch the skin of my inner thigh next, making me jump at the unexpected contact. He laughs a little at that and I join him.

‘Ticklish?’ he asks as I flinch again.

‘Yes,’ I reluctantly admit.

‘Then we will leave that for another day,’ he decides, ‘for when you are more accustomed to my touch.’

I debate asking him what he had planned to do, then let it be. My curiosity can wait until later.

His free hand resumes the circles it had been making on my stomach.

‘You are ready for me, but you need to relax again,’ he tells me. ‘I want to take this slowly, so it will be easy on you.’

Ready for what I wonder, but don’t ask. His touch feels good. There is no reason to do anything other than enjoy it.

The Sith Lord stirs again, this time taking a position with his knees between my thighs. He moves slightly, then takes his hand from my middle and does something with it. The one holding mine he places beside us on the bed. Puzzled by this, I wait nervously, half-anticipating, half-dreading what he will do next.

Then I feel what he is doing between my legs..

Something hard, large, and wet is being slid up and down, its domed head searching for and then locating what he needs. He leans forward, pushing, seeking an entrance, but finds only resistance instead. I whimper at the pressure being exerted against me. My body is refusing to yield to him, so he pushes harder.

‘It hurts,’ I whisper to him.

‘Then I shall have do it quickly, instead,’ he decides.

He pulls back, then thrusts forward, hard, without giving me any warning of what he was going to do. I feel myself tear open, ripping as his hips meet mine. And I can’t stop myself from screaming.

There is no pleasure in this, no ecstasy like the tales had claimed, only pain.

‘Eri!’ he calls to me as I writhe beneath him, panic stricken, crying, and terrified. ‘Eri!’

My hands beat against his chest until he catches them. I tug at his grip, desperate to escape the pain which is centered between my legs, where he is now completely, securely within me.

‘Eri!’ the Sith Lord repeats, his voice softer now. ‘Listen to me.’

I let out a few more quiet sobs while he continues speaking.

‘You must calm down,’ he soothes. ‘I need you to talk to me, since I don’t understand why you reacted that way.’

‘Hurts,’ I manage to say between shaky breaths.

‘I know it hurts,’ he assures me, ‘but it shouldn’t have been that difficult or painful for you.’

I turn my face aside to let the tears run down it. He doesn’t know. All those years, all that time on my homeworld and he doesn’t know.

And I had always assumed that he did.

‘Talk to me, Eri,’ he insists. ‘Tell me what is wrong.’

‘They ...’

‘They what, Eri?’

‘They do things to girls on my homeworld,’ I reveal, barely able to speak. ‘Things which make it better for the man.’

The Sith Lord’s hands close over mine as he breathes in sharply, shocked at what I have just told him. His reaction overrides his normally regulated breathing for another few cycles.

I remember that day. The day I was taken aside. The day I was held down while the ceremony making me marriageable was performed. It was the same day I was forced to start wearing the veil. And I remember the pain as the old doctor rubbed the paste into my skin, closing my body off, tightening my opening to ensure that my husband would always have the most pleasure possible.

‘I think I know what they did to you,’ he admits.

There is a moment of hesitation on his part, then his hands let mine go free. I feel one of them brush my tears away while the other settles above where he is in me. Numbness radiates out from it.

‘I have dulled your pain,’ he softly notes, ‘and I can make sure you enjoy it, if you want me to continue.’

I stay silent while I consider his offer. True to his word, it doesn’t hurt any longer, and now that I am calm, I can tell that the worst of it is probably over. I catch the hand he is brushing my cheek with in my own. He will be gone with the fleet for weeks, perhaps months, and no doubt the time he is away will be longer than what he expects.

‘Make love to me, my Lord,’ I answer him.

His hips move slowly, gently in response to my words. There is no pain, just the odd sensation of my body being stretched around him as he slides in and out of me.

‘Let me try something a little different,’ he says.

There is a change in angle as he leans forward and pulls me into his arms. I wrap mine about him and hang on tight. He’s touching places inside me which he wasn’t before, and every single one of his movements produces an answering twinge, a dull ache which is demanding that he do something.

I dig my fingers into the back of his leather bodysuit, urging him on. He moves faster in response, his body meeting mine, and I feel him change position again. This time my aching need for him is finally answered. My body goes rigid against his as my back arches, my hips are driven into his. Deep inside me, muscles pulse, squeeze around him. I feel all of his length and girth as he continues to thrust in time to what he must be experiencing from me. Every bit of my body is alive, incredibly alive.

‘Gods, gods, gods,’ I gasp out as the waves of pleasure hit me.

The Sith Lord’s mouth comes down hard on mine and is only torn away when I feel him briefly grow larger within me. He shivers against me, then thrusts wildly a few more times.

‘Eri!’ I hear him cry out before he falls forward on top of me.

For minute or two, we stay like that, still joined, still entwined in one another’s arms. Then my husband pushes himself up and kisses my forehead. When he sits back, he slides out. There is an ache which accompanies the rush of fluid I feel next.

‘You’ve bled quite a bit,’ he notes, concerned. ‘No doubt an aftereffect of what was done to you.’

I avert my face, embarrassed. He shouldn’t see me like this. His weight moves from the bed, and I hear him leave the room, so I grab one of the covers and pull it over myself. When he returns, he stops, looks at me.

‘You need to be cared for properly,’ he scolds, ‘so don’t be shy.’

I shake my head.

‘Eri,’ he stubbornly reminds me, ‘I am your husband. Let me see to you.’

A tear escapes on me.

He is really, truly my husband now.

‘I love you, my husband,’ I tell him in a unsteady voice.

His weight on the mattress tips me towards him, into his waiting embrace.

‘I love you, my wife,’ he replies in kind.

His lips are pressed against my hair as he rocks me in his arms and lets me cry myself out.

No going back he had once said.

After tonight, after his words to me, we can never go back.

XVIII

I wake to find myself securely wrapped in my husband’s arms. The Sith Lord is warm, his body radiating heat against my own. He must be exhausted, I decide, since my moving about hasn’t roused him. Slipping my hand under my cheek once more, I prepare to go back to sleep.

One of his hands twitches at my waist. My stirring did make an impact on his unconscious brain after all.

‘Eri,’ he whispers as his hand moves up from my waist to touch my face.

‘Yes,’ I reply, sounding as sleepy as I still feel.

‘It’s time,’ he announces in my ear.

‘Time for what?’ I ask.

‘You know what it is time for.’

That? Now? It’s the middle of the night. Surely he can’t be serious. When he insistently kisses my neck, I let out a sigh and roll over in his arms. While I have learned to enjoy our lovemaking, I find it uncomfortable at times, and of late the act has become mechanical and scripted, necessitated by what we both want and have had no success in attaining.

For two years we have tried repeatedly. He’s had the best doctors examine both of us, and we have been told that all is normal, that everything should be fine. We even resorted to tracking my cycles and timing our lives around when would be best, but despite our all our efforts, I still have not become pregnant.

A few days ago he locked himself in his pod, to think, he had told me, to see if his abilities would give him any hint of what we should do. The Sith Lord didn’t emerge from there until late last evening, and he said nothing about what his meditations had revealed.

He moves up and away from me, so I automatically shift myself into position on my back. Foot placed there, knee bent at such an angle, make sure there is enough room for him between my thighs... the list of what I need to do is one I know well.

Fingers move up my legs, slowly caress my stomach. His touch is so light, so soft on my skin. No one would ever equate the man who gently makes love to me with the deadly warrior who commands the fleet or the Sith Lord who ruthlessly broke the neck of a Coruscanti nobleman who was stupid enough to try molesting me. My husband is an honorable man with his own strict personal code that he lives by.

My hands are covered by his as he leans over me. I entwine my fingers in his and wait for him to push into me. Sometimes there is pain at first. He knows this and is always prepared to help me with that. Tonight, though, I am eager and my body is ready for him, so he slides in smoothly, easily. There is a gasp from me as he pulls back and pushes forward again with no resistance at all. This will be one of the better times for me, I realize, so we need to make the most of it.

His left hand moves up to my face, bringing mine with it. Cool fingers cup my cheek as he stops his rocking movements for a moment.

‘My wife,’ he calls me, ‘my little one.’

‘Husband,’ I tease in return. ‘Taking a break are you?’

He laughs at that and withdraws almost entirely before thrusting himself completely into me again. I know he’s enjoying himself while trying to delay the inevitable. The increasingly regular twinges and twitches I feel inside tell me that he won’t be able to hold off for much longer. I am pulled into his arms as his thrusts become stronger and faster. It’s not hard enough to hurt me, and my body can’t help responding to him. My nails dig into his bare back, drawing blood. He growls at that, but doesn’t slow or stop.

‘The time is now,’ he says in my ear.

His words make no sense to me, so I start to ask him why he said that. Then my orgasm hits me and I am too lost in the sensations of that to wonder what he meant.

‘Eri,’ he half-groans my name.

His hips grind against mine after his own climax begins. It’s as if he never wants it to stop. Eventually, he stills, lays his body across mine, and the only movement from him is that of his hand in my hair. When he finally shifts from there, he sets a hand on my stomach, strokes it possessively, and chuckles.

‘My Lord, what did you mean?’ I prompt him for a delayed explanation.

He laughs a little louder.

‘You’ll find out soon enough, my wife,’ he teases, ‘just you wait.’

XIX

Six months later, we are in the Imperial Palace, at one of the Emperor’s formal receptions. It is a tedious event, similar to many I have accompanied my husband to in the past. If not for the request for our presence from Palpatine, in reality a politely worded order, I am sure we would not have come. The Sith Lord dislikes these political gatherings as much as I do.

I tip my head and listen to the mindless chatter of a few of Palpatine’s concubines.

Wren is not among them. My cousin’s folly eventually caught up with her. She foolishly thought she could take a lover, without her master’s approval, and escape his wrath. I didn’t attend her funeral. Instead, the Sith Lord brought me to where the Emperor had her interred a few days later, so I could place the traditional light upon her grave, ensuring her soul would find its way home. Her father didn’t bother to send a representative to do even that little in her memory. A pawn, I think sadly, that’s all she ever was to him.

My husband notes my shift in mood and guides me away from the noise, to a quieter place in the chamber, next to the dais the Emperor will soon occupy. I have been ill of late, tired and moody. It’s the cold, damp weather, I tell myself, or the latest virus which has affected my handmaiden and many of the Sith Lord’s staff.

Silence falls. The Emperor has arrived. There is the regular tap of a cane against the stone floor until it stops right in front of us. I feel the Sith Lord’s arm tighten protectively about my waist. From his body language, I know his relaxed attitude has vanished. When his master continues to stand there, staring at us, my husband swings me about, putting himself bodily between Palpatine and I.

The Emperor has met me before, but not one of those encounters provoked this type of reaction from the Sith Lord.

‘Come with me, my old friend,’ I hear his master command, ‘and bring your wife with you. I wish to speak to both of you in private.’

For a minute, we walk in silence, and I know every eye in the room is on us as we enter the Grand Corridor and the large doors close behind us. The nearby room we go to is much smaller, I note, since there are no echoes in it.

‘She is with child again,’ Palpatine announces the instant we are alone.

I had suspected that this is why I have been sick, but I didn’t want to tell anyone yet, least of all my husband, until I was sure. We have had too many disappointments in the past year for me to raise his hopes, only for them to be dashed again.

I feel the Sith Lord squeeze my hand.

He already knew.

‘Yes,’ my husband calmly confirms, ‘she is with child.’

‘Good,’ his master replies, pleased with this news. ‘Now, I need find out how strong this child will be, so I can decide if it will be of use to me.’

Slightly panicked at what has just been revealed, I desperately hold onto the hand in mine as if it were my lifeline. The Emperor says nothing, does nothing, without some purpose or plot behind it, and it sounds like he has plans for my child.

When I hear Palpatine come closer, I shrink away from him. I don’t like the way he is acting or what he might be planning to do. As I back into the Sith Lord, I find myself wrapped in his protective embrace, his body once again acting as a physical shield. He’s deliberately keeping me away from his master, I quickly realize.

‘You are frightening her,’ my husband tells him, ‘which is dangerous at this stage in her pregnancy.’ He pauses, then adds a warning, ‘You don’t want her to become too upset and miscarry like she did a few months ago. It could be years before I successfully get her with child again.’

I bury my face in his shoulder and shiver a little, taking on the role of a hysterical woman which he obviously wants me to play. It is not a difficult one to assume as the Emperor really is scaring me with his strange behaviour.

‘It can wait,’ Palpatine concedes. ‘For the moment, your troublesome older son is of more concern to me than the younger one yet unborn.’

‘Son?’ I whisper into the Sith Lord’s robes, not sure that I heard correctly.

He rests his hand against my temple and I feel him turn to look over at the other man in the room.

‘Son,’ he proudly repeats. ‘You are going to give me a son, Eri.’

XX

‘She has to be told,’ I overhear one of the Sith Lord’s aides say.

‘And if the rumours are wrong?’ another one of his staff questions. ‘Do you want to upset her, have her miscarry again, and then face his Lordship’s wrath when he returns and discovers something has happened to his son? He will kill all of us if we do anything that might make her lose that child.’

They remember what happened before, when I was told the Sith Lord had been killed in battle without having that fact confirmed first. I became distraught and fled into the garden, falling down the stairs in my haste to get to my favorite spot to sit and think. By the time my husband returned an hour later and found me, it was too late. Our eldest, who would have been a daughter, was forever lost to us.

‘Well, we know what is being said - that his Lordship was there when the Emperor died,’ the same aide offers, ‘and that the battle station ...’

I step into the hallway. The conversation stops instantly.

‘What is going on?’ I quietly ask.

‘Nothing you should be concerned about, my Lady,’ a Lieutenant quickly answers. ‘We were just discussing the usual wild speculations that follow any battle before the news blackouts are lifted and official reports released.’

I bite my lip and nod.

I know something is wrong.

Everyday we have been apart this month, my husband has been careful to call me on the Holonet. I can only hear him, but he needs to see me, to know that I am well - to know that our son is safe. Our parting was a difficult one. He did not want to leave me, not when I am still in the early, risky months of my pregnancy. The Sith Lord actually considered defying his master for once, debated refusing this assignment, but in the end, as always, he obeyed.

Yesterday he missed calling me at the time we had agreed upon.

I slip back into the sitting room and sink down onto the low, soft couch. My handmaiden knows to check in here for me if he calls. With a sigh, I pull the old cloak I had taken from his quarters over top of me and settle in for a short nap. The worn rycrit wool is a poor substitute, but I can pretend my husband has tossed it over me and is sitting in the chair next to me, watching me sleep.

XXI

‘Eri,’ a voice hisses at me.

I instantly wake and freeze in place. There shouldn’t be anyone in here with me, in the most secure place in the castle. No one can get into my bedroom unless I let them in, my husband opens the door for them, or he has given them the access codes. Since I didn’t open the door and this isn’t the Sith Lord, this man must have been sent by my husband.

‘Eri,’ I hear my name again.

There is a rustle of fabric as he come closer.

‘We don’t have much time, so get up,’ whoever this is warns.

‘Who are you?’ I finally ask, lifting my head in an attempt to locate them by sound alone.

‘No time left to explain. You will have to trust me. Take my hand, hurry.’

A warm, human hand reaches down and grabs mine. His other steadies me as I get up off the bed.

‘Here,’ he offers, wrapping the cloak I had stolen around me. ‘It will be faster if I carry you.’

I don’t argue when he lifts me up and races through the castle’s corridors. Every so often he stops, pauses to catch his breath, before resuming his unerring route to the hangar. The shuttle I am taken into when we get there is one I know by the sound of its engines alone.

I am sitting in my husband’s personal shuttle, the one he had left with weeks ago, but there is no sign of him.

My hands find the acceleration straps, and automatically secure them. Hopefully there will be an explanation once we are underway. The vibrations I feel through my feet steady, smooth out, so I know we have left Coruscant’s atmosphere. A moment later, I hear the controller clear the craft over the comm, allowing us to drop into hyperspace.

‘I’m Luke,’ my new acquaintance introduces himself as he takes the seat next to mine.

‘Luke,’ I repeat, curiosity threatening to have me burst out with questions. Only one of them really matters to me, so I ask it, ‘Luke, where is my husband?’

‘On the Executor,’ he answers, sounding a bit shy. ‘Father was hurt when he killed the Emperor, but he’s recovered from that. I am bringing you to him.’

It takes a few seconds for what he has said to sink in, and the implications render me mute. Palpatine is dead? By my husband’s hand? What happened? And this must be the son he had with his first wife - the adult child he was so thrilled to discover.

‘The fleet is in such disarray that he couldn’t leave,’ he reveals, ‘but he didn’t want you to remain on Coruscant either, not with so many of Palpatine’s supporters nearby. It was no longer safe for you to be there. I was the only one he trusted enough to send for you, to get you out right from under their noses.’

I smile at the bravado in his last statement. He is very much his father’s son.

His father’s son.

I set my hand on my stomach. The son I will soon bear my husband.

‘Are you alright?’ he asks.

I give my head a shake. It will take time for me to deal with the shock of suddenly coming face to face with my stepson.

‘You don’t look very good,’ Luke notes, concern creeping into his voice. ‘Are you sick?’

‘No, I’m not sick in the usual sense,’ I finally manage to answer him.

He sets his hand over mine. There is an odd warmth, like what I feel when my husband is soothing one of my hurts or checking on our child.

‘Oh,’ he says, startled. ‘Oh!’

Within myself I feel an odd flutter in response to his touch. It is like having something, no someone, moving inside me. Luke pulls his hand away and starts laughing at the surprised look on my face.

‘I think my little brother is going to be a troublemaker!’ he teases me.

I finally relax and begin to laugh with him.

XXII

Luke takes me the control deck on my husband’s flagship.

I stand there, at his side, until he gives me a gentle push forward with his hands.

‘Walk straight ahead and don’t stop until you hear him,’ he advises in a whisper. ‘Father’s at the front viewport keeping an eye on things.’

Then Luke is gone and I am alone.

Slowly, nervously, I put one foot in front of the other. I don’t like navigating in unfamiliar places. The various officers working here fall silent as I pass by them. They know who I am, but not one of them has ever seen me in person until now.

Following Luke’s advice, I stop a mere step away from my husband. I hear the sound of his cloak swirling around his feet as he turns, and the change in the pitch of his breathing once he sees me. In that instant I know I am safely home, so I take that last step, into his open arms.

‘Eri, my Lady,’ he says, holding me close as he adds, ‘My Empress.’

FIN

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