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Forbidden - Part 8

CHAPTER TWENTY: AETHERO

Vader's POV

The Dark Lord felt the now familiar cold sweep through him. Whatever the Archive had implanted in him, and through their bond, into Qui-Gon, had activated again. So he wasn't surprised when the cellblock around them shimmered then broke apart like shards of glass and the landing pad in the trees took its place.

They were back in the vision where it had last left off: the Jedi Master's armor-clad hand cupped Vader's cheek and Vader covered that hand with one of his own. The murmured `Aethero' endearment from the Dark Lord's lips echoed between them. The knowledge of what the word meant hung tantalizingly on the tip of Vader's mind, but he could not quite grasp it.

Vader suddenly turned his face into Qui-Gon's touch and nuzzled the older man's palm. Shocked at what he'd just done, he tried to step back, tried to stop the sensual exchange, but his body did not respond to his commands. Instead, the Dark Lord swayed further forward. A line of heat bloomed between them and Vader's nipples peaked under the thin silk shirt he wore as they brushed the hard, slick chest plate of Qui-Gon's armor.

`What is happening? What am I … are we … doing?'

Vader's thoughts tumbled further as the indulgent look on Qui-Gon's face intensified and he swiped a thumb over Vader's lower lip. His mouth tingled from the caress. Vader again attempted to pull back from the older man. Not violently, not quickly even. He would not hurt Qui-Gon with his rejection if he could help it; assuming that the older man wanted this any more than he did. But Vader's body still did not respond, and, unlike in the Executor's hallway, Qui-Gon did not move away from him either.

`I'm not in control of my body! Why is this happening? Another Force web? No, it isn't. But then … why can't I move? Why I can't I speak? Why can't I stop this?'

Then a voice that sounded like Qui-Gon's whispered in his mind, `Because this is a memory. You cannot change it.'

`Qui-Gon … no, you are not him. Who are you? How did you get in my mind?'

Amusement that felt so much like Qui-Gon's yet … not, flowed through the mental thoughts, `Always so many questions. I promise to answer them all … in time. I will be like a clear glass and all my knowledge shall shine through to you. As to how I am in your mind … let me show you.'

A mental image of him being shocked by the Archive as he'd tried to disconnect the power source flashed through Vader's mind.

`The Archive … you are the Archive?'

`In a manner of speaking. The Archive is but a receptacle for me.'

Vader mentally shook himself. Then things began to click terribly into place.

`Are you a cyborg?'

`No, not a cyborg like your old foe General Grievious nor even as you were before your son's intervention.'

Vader chilled as he realized that this … man, for the voice felt male to him … had read not just his surface thoughts, but far deeper ones. But then again what was mind-reading compared to the ability he was demonstrating to Vader and Qui-Gon right now? This man had created a world around them that was so real Vader could not differentiate it from the cell block he had just "left." Not to mention his apparent ability to make Vader and Qui-Gon act in whatever manner he chose. It wasn't the comparatively crude manipulation that Sidious had perpetrated on Vader earlier. This control was flawless and seemingly complete. These abilities made mind-reading a mere nothing.

`But who could do such a thing? What kind of man could …'

And then Vader knew what the man had to be and, worse, how he had foolishly let this dangerous being into their lives by taking the Archive from the Temple … if it was in fact a Temple. Maybe it was … `a prison or … a Tomb?' But no matter what the structure on Black Heart had been, it did not change what Vader had taken from there. This man was … must be … an incredibly powerful and ancient …

`Sith Lord. You are a Sith Lord,' Vader sent.

The man laughed. `I suppose you could call me that. In a way, I am the … original … Sith Lord.'

Vader contemplated that statement. Sith were known to lie and they were certainly known for their self-aggrandizement, but the other Sith's statement felt true, which was very disturbing. He set it to the side for now and pursued a more practical line of questioning instead.

`Why are you doing this?'

`I do this to help you. To set you free of the … Worm.'

`Worm?' Vader puzzled then a mental impression of the white, pulpy, malformed body of the Emperor was sent to him. His stomach twisted at the image. The Dark Side had not been kind to Palpatine physically. `Ah, yes, now I see why you call him that. But why should you care about … freeing … me? Why should you interfere?'

`Surely that is obvious. Look at my face. Tell me what you see in it.'

Vader saw only the handsome visage of Qui-Gon Jinn looking at him with that, disconcerting and yet pleasing, love in his eyes. `I do not see you.'

`Don't you?'

A low chuckle broke from Qui-Gon's lips drawing Vader's attention back to the older man. The Jedi Master had evidently noticed the pert nubs tenting the front of Vader's shirt. Qui-Gon's free hand tweaked Vader's right nipple through the chill silk and Vader gave a gasp and arched his back as though offering his body for more.

`Qui-Gon!' Vader sent over their bond, trying to reach the Jedi Master, but he heard nothing back from the older man. In fact, he could not even feel their bond. `Luke!' He tried his bond with his son, but it, too, was simply not there.

Vader's heart fluttered in unaccustomed panic, a feeling of claustrophobia gripping him, as he realized he was trapped within his mind and he was alone again. Alone except for the elder Sith, but that was hardly comforting. He had gotten used to having the other men within easy mental reach, but now they were seemingly gone. The panic pounded harder when he realized the extent of his helplessness in this place: he could not speak nor even will the expression on his face to alter to show Qui-Gon how he felt or stop what was going to happen.

`But would it matter if I could? If I cannot control my body, what makes me think that Qui-Gon can control his?'

Qui-Gon was undoubtedly ensnared like he was by the ancient Sith, forced to caress Vader, compelled to gaze upon the Dark Lord as if he was something treasured and precious. Surely the Jedi Master did not want this intimacy.

`You are so sure about that?' the Sith asked. `Has he not always treated you as treasured and precious?'

`No! He …,' Vader stopped for Qui-Gon had always treated him as such, only those feelings came across as more paternal than passionate. Discomfort flooded the Dark Lord at that thought. Had this heat between them merely lain hidden beneath the surface? `It is not like that between us. He is a … father-figure to me.'

`Considering your relationship with your own son that is an interesting comparison for you to make.'

`Your insinuations are baseless. I want and will take no other lover than Luke.'

`Ah, yes, so you say. But ask yourself this: are you with your precious Luke now only because you met him first this time around?' the Sith murmured.

`Met him first? What are you talking about?'

`As I said … this experience you are having now … it is a memory.'

`This never happened! Qui-Gon and I were never lovers. I was six when he died--'

`For the second time.'

Vader felt like a parrot as he repeated the other man again, `Second time? That's impossible. Ah … you imply another life? Do not bother with this line of talk. I do not believe in reincarnation.'

The elder Sith's voice was crisp as he answered, `Your belief is irrelevant. It is the truth. The first time he was taken from you was soon after this meeting took place. It almost destroyed you. Experience these last moments together with him again.'

`No! You will stop this. Release us! NOW!'

The ancient Sith responded dryly, `I'm afraid I must decline your … strongly worded … request. You must see this moment if not for the revelations it offers you about your feelings towards this man then … for a way out of your present predicament with Sidious.'

`What? I don't understand how this has any bearing on—'

`You will. Just watch.'

The fingers of Qui-Gon's right hand suddenly slipped behind Vader's head and the Dark Lord's attention snapped back fully to the Jedi Master. Qui-Gon massaged the soft skin at the base of Vader's neck. The Dark Lord tilted his head backwards as if to trap that teasing hand there. The rest of his body similarly responded to the touch: a flush of arousal stained Vader's cheeks, his breathing grew deeper, and trills of heat ran down his spine and centered in his groin.

It was like this was a familiar act between them and his body already anticipated what was to come. Vader rebelled against this anticipation, strove not to fall forward against hard armor that warmed against him and became soft and pliable, but it was no use. He was securely in the other man's arms. Not a hair's breadth between their bodies.

Qui-Gon's left hand palmed his lower back, sliding down to his buttocks then squeezing them like they were ripe fruit. Pleasured moans spilt from Vader's lips like rain. Qui-Gon placed a chain of kisses all along his forehead then moved downwards, his goatee tickling Vader's bare skin, till that generous mouth covered his own. The kiss was startling in its possessiveness, its surety.

`Qui-Gon! I am Luke's! Not yours! STOP!' But at that moment, Vader recalled Sidious' mocking voice saying, `You've always wanted to be someone's … boy.' Those words were like a splash of icy water on Vader's psyche. He strained even harder to shake off Qui-Gon's touch, tried to wrench away this time. `I am no one's boy! No one's!'

But nothing changed no matter how he raged against it. Vader was locked within himself and in this place, at the ancient Sith's pleasure.

The kiss deepened and Vader felt he was being devoured as the other man mapped his mouth with his tongue. He made a desperate mewling noise when Qui-Gon drew back. Then with a grin, the Jedi Master gently nibbled on Vader's lower lip as if to console him for the loss.

Vader was not a fool. Perhaps unwilling to see or understand certain things when they happened; instead shoving them away, not allowing his conscious mind to dwell upon them until later, or, hopefully, if the situation never arose again, not at all. But he was not a fool. Only sometimes his willful blindness led him places only a fool should be.

Vader now allowed himself to understand the look on Qui-Gon's face in this place, his tender caresses, and why the Jedi Master's hand had jerked away from Vader's hair after the last vision. Qui-Gon had obviously figured out what they were to each other …no, he corrected, what the ancient Sith wished them to believe they were to each other ... far before Vader had. Vader was Qui-Gon's …lover … beloved. He was Qui-Gon's boy here.

`What is the purpose of this? To show me how you can maneuver us like puppets in this place? To make us feel things … do things … we wouldn't if not for your manipulation!' Vader shouted mentally at the other Sith.

`You do so persist in your denial. But remember the second reason I show you this … your freedom.'

`How does showing me these carnal acts help me against Sidious? Not that I would believe or trust anything you did show me.'

`Denial again. Watch. Listen. Learn.'

Rage tore at Vader at the other's complacent tone as if he were a child to be humored. But it was impotent rage and it did nothing to change his predicament so he quieted. He would not give the Sith any more of his attention. He would endure this … vision … but he would offer no more entertainment to the other Dark Side user.

The kisses stopped and the caresses slowed as Qui-Gon pressed his forehead against Vader's and began to speak. At first, the thrum of the hovering ships' engines made it hard to hear and the language was incomprehensible, though melodic, to Vader's ears, but like a universal translator switching on, the meaning of the words abruptly became clear.

"My One, I thought you were angry with me," Qui-Gon said.

Vader's body tensed. His eyes dropped down to the floor and he clenched his fists at his sides. Vader heard himself ask, "Who says I am not still?"

A low chuckle. "You never make it easy for me do you?"

Vader's head reared back and he frowned deeply. "You do not deserve it to be easy! You seek to leave me! I should be by your side!"

"Not in this."

"In all things!"

Qui-Gon sighed, or at least his lips opened and a gust of air brushed Vader's cheek. "You know you cannot come with me. You must remain here and welcome the Dar'tath."

Vader wondered what Dar'tath meant, but obviously there was no translation for it into Basic. His thoughts were interrupted as he suddenly wrenched himself away from the older man, turning so that his back was to Qui-Gon, his arms crossed over his chest in a defensive gesture. "And what if I don't wish to? What if I … refuse?"

There was nothing in the Force to indicate Qui-Gon's intended actions. Vader's only warning was a slight stirring of the air as the other man moved too quickly for human eyes to follow. Vader was grabbed and swung around. The air in his lungs was expelled in a harsh gasp as he was pressed tight against the older man again. Vader had to tilt his head backwards to see the other's eyes. They were burning gold with Dark Side energy.

"You will go through with it, my One. It is the culmination of all we have fought for. We will control every aspect of the Force," Qui-Gon said, his voice tinged with the command of the Dark Side.

Vader winced as armor-clad hands dug into his shoulders to enforce those words. "Is that all I am to you? A way to enslave the Force fully? To bend it completely to your will?"

Qui-Gon's eyes became a mellow gold instead of the blazing furnace they were moments before and his mouth relaxed from its firm line into a gentle smile.

"You know that is not true," Qui-Gon's voice was low and smoky. His hands loosened their grip from Vader's shoulders and slid up to cradle his face. "I would never have taken you to my bed … into my heart … if I meant to rule alone. We will rule over the Force together. As we have always been meant to."

Qui-Gon's head dipped down, his eyes sliding half shut, but just as those lips were about to touch his, Vader said, "So easy to say now, but words without actions mean nothing. You taught me that."

Qui-Gon froze, his breath passing into Vader's mouth, his expression shuttered, but Vader could see that his thoughts were whirling through that clever mind. Qui-Gon nodded and pulled back. He reached up to his own neck and pulled out a long silver chain that nestled there. Slowly the chain was lifted up and out of the armor until Vader saw a delicate amulet at the end. He recognized the Black Heart lettering. Vader just knew that this was the necklace that his mother had found, the one that had gone to Watto, the one that Salara's father had attempted to purchase, and the one that was found where he was conceived.

Qui-Gon slowly placed the necklace around Vader's head, adjusting the amulet so that it slid down the inside of his shirt and rested against his bare skin between his pectoral muscles. The older man pressed his palm over the amulet and warmth pulsed between them. Vader felt his heart rate speed up.

"Is this action enough for you, my One?"

Vader looked down at the hand that rested upon his chest over the amulet that seemed to throb against his skin. He lifted his head up so that their gazes met. His own hands rose and he laid them palms down on Qui-Gon's broad shoulders. His lower lip was trembling and he actually felt the burn of tears in his eyes. The necklace must have far more significance than a simple bit of metal, but such knowledge did not flow over into Vader's awareness.

Vader licked his lips as he leant forward, his head tilting to the side, his eyelids sliding to half-mast. His voice was hoarse as he said, "I will relent if you … promise to do one more thing for me."

"Ask and I will do it."

"Promise me that after this war that you will never leave me again. That we will never be parted."

"That," Qui-Gon answered huskily as he laced one hand through the hair at the base of Vader's neck, "is something I can assure you of." He leant in, his mouth poised half an inch from Vader's as he added, "I will be with you for all time … my beloved son."

Vader's smile at that moment was golden, glowing, as he answered, "I will hold you to that, Aethero."

`Aethero … father … lover … both. Oh, Force … this can't be …'

The vision or memory ended. All went black around Vader. He was in a void. Betrayal streaked through him like lightening. The Sith had read his most precious childhood wish and granted it to him: a father who loved him and offered to rule the universe with him as if there was nothing more natural. But this offering was a complete violation, too, a rape of his hopes and wishes.

Because it was a lie.

None of this had happened. Qui-Gon was not some grand, powerful warlord on a wild Force-filled world. Qui-Gon was not his adoring father. And Vader was not a beloved son. The older man had not been lost in a war and Vader left to mourn his loss. He was a Jedi Master, a practical stranger to Vader when he died; protecting one Padawan and in so doing abandoning his next Padawan to the mercies of others who were not so kind or good or caring. This "memory" was merely a way for the ancient Sith to amuse himself after millennia of being cooped up in the Archive with no one to torment.

It had to be.

Icy wrath wrapped its tendrils around Vader's heart as he hissed at the ancient Sith, `You will pay for this … this obscenity! I will destroy you! I will obliterate the Archive! I will eradicate it! You will go to the Madness Beyond Death for this! I promise you.'

And the voice that was, but wasn't Qui-Gon's, echoed in his mind, `You misunderstand. Ah, of course. You misunderstand, because this … having a father who loves you … is too close to your heart, isn't it? I am glad that your need for me has not diminished--'

`You? My need for you? What are you … you are not … you cannot be …'

`Oh, but I am. I am your father. And I am Qui-Gon. Or I should say … he is me. Though he … until this time … has forgotten that fact. But he will have to remember … to save you from Sidious. And when that happens, I will be fully reborn … my beloved son.'

Vader felt like all the air was being pressed from his lungs; that he was suffocating again as heard those words.

`No! It's not true! It can't be true! I'll never believe that! I don't believe you!'

For one wild moment, Vader could hear his own son saying almost those exact same sentiments to him when he had revealed the truth of the boy's parentage on Bespin. Then the universe seemed to tilt on its axis as the cell block was once again around them even though Vader could still smell those rain-drenched trees from the landing pad. The falling sensation hit him like it had in the hallway after the last vision, but this time, since he was already on the ground, he was able to brace himself against the metal grating of the cell block's floor and keep himself upright as the world pitched wildly around him.

When his surroundings stopped spinning, Vader focused on his hands. They looked like pale starfish against the blackened durasteel. He couldn't … wouldn't look at Qui-Gon. Couldn't quite face him yet after … after what had happened. Vader swallowed hard.

"Anakin?"

Qui-Gon's voice made him jerk, but he kept his face averted. The older man was, of course, the first one to talk, to reach out. The tone of his voice, simply speaking Vader's former name, communicated that he understood Vader's pain. And that galled the Dark Lord as much as it pleased him.

`Could he be my father? No! It's impossible. Then why don't I do a simple blood test to confirm one way or another … because I know he isn't! But could he have been … before … long ago … thousands of years ago … in another place … another time … adoring me …'

Vader felt dizzy. The Darkness was whispering again, scratching at his mind, and he feared within it was the elder Sith's voice, offering him knowledge, terrible truths, things he had always wanted, but shied away from at the same time. Vader refused to look up when Qui-Gon called his name softly again. He kept his head down and his body rigid. But he knew that the older man would not take the hint and go away. Vader tensed more as he realized he didn't want the other man to go. He wanted him near to feel safe and also to rage against him.

Qui-Gon dropped down onto his haunches in front of Vader. "Anakin? Are you—"

"Why do you call me that?" Vader snapped.

"Why do I call you ... oh … I call you Anakin, because … that is your name," Qui-Gon said. He was even closer to Vader now, within a hand's breadth.

"No, it is not! It has not been for twenty years. I am Vader now. You know that yet you persist to ignore this fact! Demonstrating your Jedi obstinacy and foolishness!" Vader heard his words and couldn't stop them even as he knew they were nonsensical and only a way to avoid talking about what had happened in the memory … `no, not a memory! A vision! A trick! A filthy Sith mind-trick!'

"Forgive me if I prefer to call you by the name your mother gave you rather than the moniker that … Sidious chose for you," Qui-Gon said, his voice still soft, with only a hint of bitterness as he spoke Sidious' name.

Vader's heart hurt with the statement. It was a good answer. A caring answer. But he was not in the mood for the older man to read him so well and offer him so much. Vader's mouth felt filled with ash as he gave a short, sharp laugh. He lifted his head to meet the other man's concerned gaze. So close, just like in the Archive. The desire to move into his arms and be safe and loved by a … by a father … flowed through him, but he shoved it down. A smile, or perhaps more like a sneer, twisted across Vader's handsome face.

"Is that why you call me Anakin? I wonder …"

"What?"

"That may be what you tell yourself, but perhaps you persist in calling me Anakin, because it allows you to make believe that I am still the little boy you knew. Allows you to feel that you can still reclaim me. That you can undo your … failure … in dying and leaving me with Obi-Wan and those wretched Jedi. That I am not lost forever to you like your precious Xanatos."

Vader tilted his chin up, letting the smile grow as he spoke, even as he felt sick at his own words. He saw how the name of Qui-Gon's former apprentice and the cruel use he was putting that confidence to caused Qui-Gon to flinch. But his better nature lost out to his anger and pain.

Qui-Gon was so close, too close, and Vader's clothes were ripped open, fluttering around him like a shroud, and his body ached from where Sidious had bruised and torn his skin reminding him of how helpless he had been, how in need of rescue. And how Qui-Gon had rescued him. And how it had felt to be rescued and caressed by a father's hand and … it was unbearable.

The Jedi Master regarded him for long quiet moments that made Vader want to squirm and drop his head, but he kept that mocking smile on his face instead.

The older man finally said, "I will not fight with you, Anakin."

"Of course you won't," Vader said as he rose to his feet slowly, brushing off the droid parts from the remainder of his clothes. He would not be at the feet of another man. Never again. "Because fighting with me would reveal how far I am from the boy you once knew."

`And the boy you could have raised and loved, but didn't. Instead you died saving Obi-Wan. Died when you were my father in the past and … and could have been again. NO! Damn this!'

Qui-Gon stood up to face him. The older man's brow was furrowed, his lips parted as if he wished to speak, to comfort, but didn't know the words. But Vader would not listen. Not now. The Jedi Master began, "That is not—"

Vader continued on as if the other man had not spoken, "Fighting with me would show how I am not the … the mewling, panting slut in the vision. I am the Dark Lord of the Sith. Not your boy! Not your son! Not anyone's!" His voice rose at the end and he heard the hysterical edge to it, but he couldn't stop. His emotions were swinging wildly out of control.

Qui-Gon's hands were out in front of him, gently patting the air as if it were

Vader's shoulders. "I know what … what the Sith said to you … if it was anything like what he said to me … what he made me call you … what he had us do--"

"Did you enjoy touching me? Kissing me? Having me writhe against you like a skilled whore? Do you imagine it now? That I would call you Master or … or father … and … and drop to my knees and take you into my mouth—"

"Stop it!" Qui-Gon's face was marred by a grimace. "You're just afraid. Afraid what he said is true and that it isn't. That I might have been your fa—"

Vader refused to be put off or rather he refused to have to listen to the truth again. "That doesn't answer my questions, Jedi! Tell me that you want me. I know you do. It will be a … relatively … painless confession."

Qui-Gon's eyebrows rose and he said, "I always want you, Anakin and I always will. Even when you hurt others. Even when you hurt me. Even when you hurt yourself."

And Vader felt like he had been slapped. "You dare to … to admit that you … you…"

"I will always … always love you … and want you with me," the other man answered so softly as he gently went to grasp Vader's shoulders for real this time.

Vader jerked away. His body trembling and his voice chill as he asked, "You think I would betray Luke with you?"

The Jedi Master shook his head. "No, I know you would not. I am offering … to be what you need. Whatever it is you need. And this time I think it is--"

"You presume to know what I need? Foolish Jedi. You have no idea."

Qui-Gon's expression was grave. "I fear I do."

Vader stiffened. "Do not pity me! I do not need your mercy or understanding!"

"You need so much more than that. And that is why you are terrified."

Vader felt the brush of Qui-Gon's presence along their bond and he mentally flinched. "You Jedi always talk of fear as if you understand it when you flee from it and every other emotion. Have you ever looked into the Darkness and felt it looking back at you? That is fear. That is terror."

"The Darkness is a part of the Living Force. It is always with me. A companion I did not understand that I had or wanted or … needed. I do know, Anakin."

Qui-Gon moved forward again, inching towards him, and Vader felt the desire to step forward. Allow the embrace. Allow the strong, masculine arms to hold him close and banish the pain of abandonment that had been the only constant presence in his emotional life up to this point. To be weak for a moment. Just a moment.

But then Vader heard the Dark Side begin to trill in his mind as it hadn't since Black Heart. It was like a lullaby blocking out all his sense, all his love and pain towards this infuriating and alluring man.

`Weak? I am not weak. I am strong. I am … I am Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, Destroyer, Slayer, Master. It is this puny Jedi that should be afraid of me. He is the weak one.'

He stalked over to Qui-Gon and internally cursed at his lack of greater height as he invaded the other man's personal space. To his credit, Qui-Gon did not back away. The Jedi Master's spicy, woodsy scent filled his nostrils, that scent that made him feel safe and warm and loved, but he ignored it.

Vader tilted his head to the side, that mocking smile on his face and in his voice, as he purred, "Do you have a weakness for pretty, young men, Qui-Gon? Was Xanatos pretty, too? Did you want to bed him like you want to bed me? Did you ever break that blessed Jedi restraint and fuck him into his mattress at night at the Temple?"

Qui-Gon's expressive mouth tightened into a thin line and his eyes flashed warningly. "Enough, Anakin. Do not listen to the Darkness. It only wants to hurt you."

"I will say when it's enough! I am the one in control here! Not you!"

The older man gave out a bitter bark of laughter and said in his rich, baritone voice, "Control? You haven't been the one in control of yourself or anything since I died and Palpatine slithered his way into your life and your mind. That's what this … posturing … is all about. The fear that if you allow yourself to care for another … to care for someone you could submit to … that you will lose everything."

The words felt like acid splashing against Vader's skin. The Dark Lord was using Force-Choke on Qui-Gon before he even thought about it. Qui-Gon shuddered, but unlike other victims, he did not claw at the invisible hands at his throat, knowing it was useless. The Dark Side's melody welled up louder and louder in Vader's mind as the other man's face purpled. It was better than any lover's voice, but so … so cold.

Qui-Gon reached out to him and grasped at his shoulders. Warm skin that seemed to break through the Dark Side's icy hold on him. The other man's grey eyes met his and they were filled with pain. Only it was not pain for what he was experiencing … it was pain for Vader. This man did not fear death. He had already been there. Qui-Gon feared what killing him would do to Vader. The Dark Side's music stilled for one moment.

"No! I … I don't want him to die!" Vader heard his own voice sounding so young and frightened. The Dark Side's melody returned, but this time dissonant, angry with him, wanting him to take a life for it, to feed it, but Vader shoved its desires away, wrenched his Force powers back from the other man.

`What have I done?'

As soon as he was released from the Force-Choke, the Jedi Master stumbled backwards. Vader grabbed him just before he tumbled to the floor. Vader kept the other man upright as Qui-Gon gasped and took in deep, shuddery breaths. Already bruises were blooming around his neck. Vader hissed and gently touched one of them. The older man flinched away from him. The Dark Lord jerked his hand back.

`Of course he doesn't want me to touch him. I just tried to kill him! Lost control and … hurt someone I care for. Again.'

Vader backed away from Qui-Gon. His hands trembled at his sides. He wrapped them around him torso, attempting to still the involuntary movements, but his whole body shook instead of just his limbs.

`I've attacked my master … my … my … father … no …'

"I … I know you … you can't …can't forgive me," Vader stuttered. "But I'm … sorry. So … sorry."

Qui-Gon reached for him. "Anakin," his voice was raspy. Damaged. "Don't … don't .. leave."

"I'll have Luke come to you. He will … he'll heal you." With that Vader turned on his heel and fled.

Luke's POV

The doors to Detention Block C whooshed open. It was not the detention block where he and Vader had made love. It was the detention block where the slavers were being held. Or at least where they … had … been held. Only his father was in there now.

It was over two hours since Vader had fled Qui-Gon and sent Luke a pain-filled mental message to help the Jedi Master. No explanation other than Qui-Gon was injured and his location. Then his father had pulled his mental shields all the way up, keeping Luke completely out. Luke had found the Jedi Master, beyond distraught, crawling down the hallway, his throat blackened with bruises, hardly able to breathe. Luke had healed him, recognizing the cause of the injury; even as shock ran through him that his father would have used Force-Choke on the older man.

After his throat was healed, Qui-Gon had haltingly confessed what had happened. The attack by Palpatine. The visions. And their contents. The fact that the Archive was not merely a repository for information but housed the consciousness of an ancient, evil Sith Lord who claimed to be Qui-Gon in a prior life, who also claimed to be Vader's father, Luke's grandfather. All of it was laid bare to Luke, even the parts that Qui-Gon had not wanted to say, the parts where he and Vader had been intimate.

Those details had burned Luke inside, made him angry in a way that showed him just how much he was his father's son. And had made him realize his fears of losing Vader to an unknown lover out in the wide universe had been foolish. He should have been looking closer to home to a man that Vader loved and trusted almost as much as he loved and trusted Luke. Part of him had wanted to send Qui-Gon back to the Force at that moment, take back the energy he had given him, but then horror had gripped him. He cared for the Jedi Master. Qui-Gon was … was like family to them even without the shadow of his being Vader's father in some past life. What was he thinking?

`But Father's mine! Qui-Gon can't have him! He's MINE! Oh, Force … jealousy … would I kill out of mere jealousy? Destroy someone? Take their life because Father might … might prefer them to me? No, I cannot allow those emotions to lead me. I cannot act on them. I must … must not.'

Besides, Luke trusted his father implicitly. He even, ironically, trusted Qui-Gon. He knew his father would not betray him. Nor would Qui-Gon ask Vader to. Neither man had done those things in the visions willingly. And Vader would tell him if he wanted to … to go to another. He would not creep behind Luke's back. He would simply tell Luke his intentions. And if the time came and Vader asked to be released from their bond … Luke felt like his heart was breaking even contemplating it … but if that time came he would deal with it then. But until that time, Vader was his. And Luke was going to fight for what was his.

Luke had tried to rush off to his father right after the last words were out of Qui-Gon's mouth but the older man grabbed his arm, restraining him. "Don't, Luke. He's not … he needs to get a hold of himself. He would never forgive me if I let you go to him now and he … he would never forgive me."

"He would not hurt me! He needs me!"

But Qui-Gon had not let go. "He is not himself right now, Luke. You know that!"

Luke had broken away and run to the Detention Block where he had felt his father's Force signature. Qui-Gon had been right on Luke's heels, his Jedi robes flowing out behind him like wings. They had heard the screams coming down the hallway through the closed detention block's doors. The screams were like nothing Luke had ever experienced: high-pitched, endless, almost wet sounding as if the person was drowning in them. And thankfully they were not his father's. But if they were not Vader's … then Vader was the one causing them. Luke had swallowed the bile that rose up in his throat.

Two stormtroopers in their gleaming white armor stood guard outside the Detention Block's doors. Like sentinels of light even as they guarded a black place.

"We have been instructed by Lord Vader not to allow anyone inside," one said as he pushed back on Luke's chest.

"He would want you to let me in," Luke said.

"No. He said specifically that you were not to be allowed inside. Either of you," the trooper answered, almost gently. "And if you force your way in … our lives are forfeit."

"What? No …"

Luke couldn't be responsible for the troopers' deaths. His father had thought of everything to keep him out. He had let out an anguished cry then slumped to the floor. His father was torturing the slavers and hurting himself by doing so. And he could do nothing to stop it. Luke slammed his fists into the ground. Qui-Gon settled down behind him. The older man's arms suddenly went around Luke's slender body. Luke stiffened, but then he surrendered to the comfort being offered. He rested his head against Qui-Gon's broad chest.

"Why is he doing this?" Luke whispered.

"It's the only way he knows to stop feeling pain and confusion. It makes him feel …"

"In control. Even when he's completely … out of control," Luke finished. "You have to teach him another way … this will destroy him otherwise."

That it could destroy everyone else, too, was left unspoken.

They had said nothing more for a long time after that. The screams rose and fell like obscene music from different men's throats. Finally, they had ended and there was a extended, almost painful silence. Luke had finally stood up on numb legs and went to the doors.

"He will not punish you for … for allowing me in now," Luke said, certain of it, though he did not know why.

Luke had to give them credit that after only a momentary hesitation, the troopers stepped aside, giving him access to the door panel. After listening to what his father was capable of this showed more courage than Luke thought he would be capable of in their shoes.

Luke then had looked over his shoulder at Qui-Gon who had also risen. "I want to do this alone," he said.

Qui-Gon nodded, looking grey and tired. "I understand if you don't want him and me to be … Luke, please let me help him … help you both. If not in this then …"

Luke gave him a wan smile. "I'm not kicking you out of our lives. He …he needs you. You give him something I … I can't."

Qui-Gon blinked back tears, one hand rising and pinching the space between his eyes. "He is yours. You are each other's. I don't want to … interfere in that. I don't think … no, I know … I could not interfere in that."

Luke bit his lower lip. "I'm not giving him up. Not even to you. Not unless he …" Luke held his head up higher, his blue eyes flashing with strength and conviction. He cared not the troopers heard what he was about to say. "He promised me it would just be him and I … forever. I believe that. I want that. I intend to have it. Do you understand? You can be his Master … perhaps even his … his father, but not … not his lover."

Qui-Gon regarded Luke for a quiet moment before nodding his agreement. He gave a smile that was less weary. "You are so like him."

"Yes. Yes, I am. And that is not a bad thing," Luke said then turned back to the doors. "Even when … even now."

The air that flowed outward as the doors opened was perfumed with the iron tang of blood. Luke felt his stomach roil. There was no one in the control chamber. His father had chosen to … interrogate … the slavers alone. Luke resolutely walked forward. His booted feet made echoing, clanging sounds as he entered the narrow hallway that held the individual cells. He remembered similar cells where he had spent the most glorious time with his father just hours before. But he shoved that memory from his mind. He did not want to taint that experience with Vader with this one now.

The individual cell doors were open. The light in each of them was blinding. The white walls were splattered with red and hunks of pink, yellow and a gray: blood, organs and bone. The remains of what had been men hung like slabs of meat from their chained wrists from the ceiling. Luke stopped looking after the third cell and its ravaged occupant met his gaze. It was then that he saw his father.

Vader exited the last cell. He was leaning against the wall, dragging himself along it, seemingly too exhausted to stand upright on his own.

`The torture has worn him out,' Luke thought with a touch of horror.

Vader's chest was bare. It glistened in the low light of the hallway with sweat and blood. His hair hung in wet, loose tangles down to his shoulders. Some strands were sticky with blood, making them curl tighter. His eyes had a constant gold glow under heavy lids, which turned towards Luke then, pinning him where he stood.

`How can he still be so beautiful?' Luke wondered.

Vader pushed off from the wall, but his legs trembled beneath him. Luke made to move and help him, but the Dark Lord steadied himself on his own and gave off an aura that kept Luke back.

"Did they … did the slavers tell you what you wanted to know?" Luke asked softly, but his voice echoed in the silence.

Vader's voice was quiet, too, almost slurred seemingly from the superhuman effort of speaking. "I … I didn't ask them anything. I just … destroyed them." His father suddenly shook himself, as though aware for the first time that Luke was there. "What are you … are you doing here? I told those troopers that if you got in they would—"

"I know. I waited. But you were done and I … I had to come in. Don't blame them," Luke said. "I had to … to be with you."

"Be with me? You want to be with me?"

"Yes … yes."

Vader looked down at his hands, tacky with blood, and his faced seemed to crumple as he met Luke's gaze. He half-turned so that his head and upper body were facing the wall, his arms covering his face. "I don't … don't want you to see me like this, Luke. I don't … I'm filthy. Filthy and ugly and … I don't want you to see."

Luke slowly began advancing down the hallway towards his father. "You aren't. You're still … beautiful. Still … It's okay. It'll be okay."

"No. It won't. It can't be. I … I hurt him. Did he tell you … tell you what I did? What I said?" Vader's voice was broken and hoarse. His shoulders began to shake and Luke realized he was silently crying. Crying not for the slavers that he turned into slabs of meat, but for the Jedi Master he had throttled. The slavers were nothing in his father's mind, but at least Qui-Gon was important. Luke felt the alienness of that thought pattern, but knew he would have to accept it for that was how Vader operated. Perhaps his father would change that belief-system. He already had to a great extent. But not entirely. This carnage proved that.

"He told me. Everything." Another few steps.

Vader stopped shaking, but his voice was still husky with tears and small like a child's, "Does he hate me?"

Luke shook his head then realized his father could not see him. "No. He's … he's extremely concerned about you. He … he loves you … very much."

And yes, that hurt to say. Hurt to acknowledge that Qui-Gon loved his father dearly. Maybe more than the older man knew or was willing to tell Luke.

Vader turned around, his amber eyes looked almost lifeless and he could hardly meet Luke's gaze. Their eyes would catch and then his father's would skitter to the floor or the wall or the ceiling. Finally, though their gazes fully met and Vader asked so very softly, "Do … you … hate me, Luke?"

"No, never. Never," Luke said. He was a foot away from Vader.

Luke admitted to himself that a part of him was afraid. His father was capable of terrible things. He could lash out at Luke now and there would be nothing Luke could do to stop him. But he had to trust in his father's love for him, trust in the Force, trust that somehow, this could be all right again.

"I love you, my son. Believe that. I never … never would betray you. Never meant to hurt you. I can't … can't explain why I wasn't strong enough to stop Sidious and this …other … why I'm not strong enough…" Vader's voice hitched at the end.

Luke moved. He pulled Vader against him, buried his head against Vader's chest, not caring that he was smeared with the slavers' blood. He couldn't bear the pain and almost childlike confusion in his father's tone.

Luke murmured into his father's skin, "You're the strongest person I know. But that doesn't mean you don't need help. Let us help you. Let me help you, Father. Together we can do … anything. Face any foe. Together. Please."

Vader's arms were around him, tight and strong and desperate. Luke felt his father's hot breath against the top of his head and the hammering of Vader's heart against his cheek. "You forgive me? For what happened with Qui-Gon and … and this?"

"There's nothing to forgive on my end. But I give you my forgiveness if that helps any."

"You forgive me … even when I don't deserve it."

Luke shut his eyes and tightened his hold on his father's torso. It was a statement that might damn the universe, but he would give it, because it was true. "I'll forgive you always, Father. Always"

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: IN THIS LIFE

Luke's POV

Luke grabbed a thin blanket from one of the shelves in the detention block to wrap around Vader's bare torso. He hadn't been able to find anything to clean the now-dried blood off of Vader's silken skin so concealment had to do. Vader's eyes tracked Luke as he retrieved the scratchy covering and searched in vain for water to wash him clean. The Dark Lord made no sound, nor had hardly moved, since Luke had first tried to shift out of his arms. Vader had growled low and pulled Luke closer.

"It's all right, Father. I just want to try and clean you up a bit so we can go back to our quarters without attracting too much attention. I'm not leaving you. I promise," Luke had told him gently.

Slowly, almost agonizingly, Vader had released Luke from his arms, but not from his gaze. It was as if the Dark Lord feared if he let Luke out of his sight even for a moment that he would disappear.

`Shouldn't I be the one clinging to him? Worrying that he will leave me?' Luke had thought. `Qui-Gon touched him. He touched Qui-Gon. Not willingly, but still. Being with Qui-Gon would make more sense than being with me, wouldn't it? No worries about the taboo of incest … at least, I think not, considering the ancient Sith said that Qui-Gon was Vader's father in a past life not in this one.' Luke shook his head in confusion. He didn't know what to make of that revelation. His mind hooked onto other aspects of Qui-Gon and Vader together instead. `Having Qui-Gon as his lover might help Vader more than hurt him. They might even have more confidence in Father's ability to lead, considering his now youthful looks, if he is paired with a more mature-looking lover.'

Luke hated that his logical brain could bring up a thousand reasons why Father should be with Qui-Gon and not with him making his heart ache more. He thrust such thoughts from his mind. It did no good to worry about the future. What would come would come. Luke focused instead on the man before him.

He tenderly brought the blanket around his father's bare, muscular shoulders. Vader was still exhausted by his … activities … with the slavers and seemed to need Luke's direction for even the most basic of tasks like holding the material closed. Luke placed a hand at the base of Vader's spine and began to lead him towards the doors. He didn't rush his father because he doubted the other man had the energy to move faster, but Luke was also dreading when those doors opened and Vader and Qui-Gon saw one another. Luke worried at his lower lip with his teeth.

`What will they do? Will their eyes show the love that they won't admit with their mouths … at least to me? Will Vader run to him and beg his forgiveness? Will Qui-Gon embrace him, murmur it's all right and not to worry and he'll fix everything? Will I be left out in the cold … like before … like always?' Luke squelched those last thoughts. He wanted his father to be happy, to have what he needed, and Vader needed Qui-Gon. `But not as a lover! I'm his lover. I'm all he needs for that! Please, oh, Force, please, let that be true!'

Just as they neared the doors, Luke stopped and turned to his father. Vader was gazing down at him. Luke didn't know if the older man had turned towards him when they had stopped moving or if his father had been staring at him the entire time they were walking. His amber eyes were empty. Luke shivered. Where was the bright flicker of intelligence, humor and power that usually resided there? Would it come back when they were away from the blood and the gore and the lifeless bodies? Luke cupped his father's chin and drew his face down so that they were level with one another.

"Father, I love you," Luke whispered. "No matter what. Understand?"

There was a brief glimmer of Vader's old self in his expression, or so Luke hoped, just before he closed his eyes and covered his father's mouth with his own. Vader responded to his tongue gently probing against closed lips by opening his mouth and letting Luke inside. Luke felt his heart clench as his father's arms suddenly slid around him and the Dark Lord took control of the kiss. Was this a reawakening of his old self? Luke hoped so as he slowly drew back, his mouth swollen and tingling. He opened his eyes and met Vader's gaze.

"Father?" Luke asked, all his hope coloring that one word.

The older man's eyes were clear again, not foggy and distant, although they showed a bone-deep exhaustion. "I'm all right, Luke. This … this …dullness … will pass soon and I … I will be back with you fully. The Dark Side … drains one to nothing inside."

"I could replenish you if you wanted," Luke offered.

The older man frowned then nodded.

Luke gathered the Force energy in the room and sent it into Vader. The Dark Lord sighed and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. When he opened them he looked much more himself. At least the emptiness was gone and he was standing straight on his own.

Vader kissed Luke's forehead. Luke's body began to heat when his father's thigh brushed against his sex as the chaste kiss continued. He knew though that it wasn't the time for intimacy and the heavy iron scent of blood in the air cooled his desire as fast as it was aroused. Vader was almost languid and at ease against him, but suddenly a quiver ran through his strong form and he tensed.

His voice quavered as his eyes riveted on the closed detention block doors. "Qui-Gon is …"

"Outside, yes."

There was an almost wild look in Vader's eyes as if he would turn and flee again. But there was no where to go. Instead, he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, but there was still a fragility about him that Luke had not seen before.

`He is not acting as if a potential lover is outside. More like a person in authority or … a parent …he has displeased and is afraid to face,' Luke thought and something in his chest loosened.

"There's no reason to be afr—anxious, Father. He is not angry with you," Luke said as he lightly stroked Vader's arm. "He's merely concerned about you."

"Most people do not forgive as easily as you do, child of my heart." Vader tightened his grip around Luke. "I almost … killed … him. I said loathsome, disrespectful things then I … then I used Force-Choke on him. He didn't even try to resist me or defend himself."

"He trusted that you would stop," Luke said.

Vader's expression twisted with self-hatred. "Then he is a fool! Because I almost didn't. Almost … couldn't."

Luke saw no reason that he could not have resurrected Qui-Gon again even if Vader had killed him, but the damage that would have been done to both men if Vader had actually taken the elder Jedi's life might have been irreparable.

Vader stared sightlessly at the door even as he pulled Luke closer to him again. "I mustn't let my emotions rule me. The Dark Side may sing to me, but it does not mean I must listen. If only … if only that knowledge …"

"What?" Luke asked.

His father had a wry, sad smile on his face. "I was going to say, if only that knowledge had made a difference before. And if it hasn't before why do I think it will in the future?" Vader's shoulders suddenly slumped. "Maybe … maybe it is a hopeless task. Perhaps I am incapable of … mastering myself."

"Father, no, you will!"

"Luke … we both know that this is hardly the first time I have … hurt those I care for," Vader said, his eyes filled with a bone-deep despair for a moment, one hand skating down Luke's cheek. "I almost killed you in your mother's womb and I took your hand on Bespin! And I love you more than anyone or anything. That I would attack Qui-Gon because I was afraid of being …" Vader shook his head, not finishing the thought.

Luke gripped Vader's forearm. "We'll find a way for you to control this so it won't happen again. I promise."

Vader gave Luke a fond, sad smile, clearly unconvinced, but unwilling to burst his son's belief in him. Luke's mind suddenly flashed back to the animated way that Qui-Gon had spoken to him about his theories on controlling the Dark Side, which from what Luke could determine, entailed a heavy emphasis on the student learning to control himself.

`That's the kind of training that Vader needs. But would Father submit to being taught again? Would he place himself in the role of a Padawan or Apprentice now that he has taken on the title of Master?' Luke knew his father's pride stung at the fact that he lost control so would he see a suggestion of training with Qui-Gon as an even greater insult? `And would I want to Vader and Qui-Gon to spend that much time together, alone, bonding like that?'

Luke peered up at Vader. Deep lines marred his father's brow and over their bond Luke sensed that his thoughts were black with self-disgust and despair. Luke swallowed. Did he want Vader to go on as he was, feeling such hideous thoughts, prone to uncontrollable rages, if with Qui-Gon's help Vader could master himself? And what of those who would suffer when the Dark Lord lashed out? Would Luke's jealousy and fear seem that important when faced with the destruction his father was more than capable of creating?

`Am I so pathetic … so selfish?'

Luke feared perhaps a part of him was. Inside he knew he was still the desperate and frightened little boy who longed for his father more than anything or anyone in the universe. Yet conversely he believed that he was not worthy of Vader's love.

`I may feel these things, but it does not mean they must rule me.'

Drawing on that strength, Luke said, "Qui-Gon can help you with control."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me that he knows a way of controlling the Dark Side … or rather of training Dark Side users in such a manner that it stops the effects of the Dark Side's siren song of destruction," Luke explained.

Vader's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "But what could a Jedi know of controlling the Dark Side?"

"That was my thought exactly," Luke said. "And when I asked him that same question, he told me of a theory he has. About Dark Side and Light Side users. Let me tell you."

Luke then told Vader all that he and Qui-Gon had spoken about on in the Observation Deck regarding how some people were meant to wield the Dark and others the Light. Vader's expression was curiously blank.

"He led you to believe that he thought himself a natural Dark Side user?" Vader asked after a long pause.

"Yes," Luke said then asked tentatively, "Do you … do you think there is any truth about what you learnt in the vision about Qui-Gon being a Sith Lord in the past? I mean it would make—"

"No!" Vader interrupted him, his jaw set in a tense line. "That blasted Sith lied. He must have." Vader's hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. His eyes spoke many emotions. They reflected when he went from anger to hope. He asked softly, "Qui-Gon truly thinks he knows of a way to teach Dark Side use so that the user remains in control? He really believes this?"

"Yes, he is quite convinced of it. Perhaps you could ask him for … help."

Vader's expressive mouth thinned and a bitter laugh broke free. "After what I've done do you honestly think that he will want anything to do with me, young one? I'm surprised he hasn't asked to be dropped off at the nearest star port and fled to join Obi-Wan's side."

With a sigh, Luke said, "You don't seem to understand how he feels about you, Father. How he … how desperate he is to help you."

Vader threw up his hands as he said, "Because it is illogical for him to care for me! I was six when he left and we knew each other for only a few days. How could he feel anything for me? Is it only his failure with Xanatos that moves him or … I just don't understand!" Vader sounded utterly bewildered at the older man's feelings for him, but Luke heard the thread of hope in his voice that Qui-Gon could feel so much for him even after such a short time.

Luke was the one to give a bitter laugh this time that drew Vader's eyes down to him. "You have that affect, Father. I hardly knew you and I was … was beholden to you in a way that your being my father cannot completely explain. There's something about you that … that speaks to people. I understand why he would … want you."

"Luke … there is nothing between Qui-Gon and I … romantically. What happened in the vision … it wasn't … wasn't real. Wasn't what I wanted." Vader's eyes were full of pleading for understanding, for belief. His hands clutched too hard at Luke, but the boy didn't try and draw away. Even hard touches were preferable to none at all.

"I know." But it still hurt. "Please consider speaking to him about training you, Father. Please just … just consider it."

Vader sighed then nodded. He raked a hand through his long hair, grimacing when his fingers caught in the curls that were matted with blood. Horror suddenly appeared on his face as he saw the red stain that covered his hand. He scrubbed his palm clean on his pants while his eyes darted into the nearest cell and caught sight of the remains of one of the slavers. He then focused on Luke: huge amber eyes and a slight tremor to his voice as he said, "Young one, I … I'm sorry I have forced us to remain in here so long. It cannot be … be pleasant for you. We … we will go. I am ready to face him now."

Luke squeezed his father's bicep. "There's nothing to fear, Father. You will see. He … he just wants … to make sure you're all right."

"Illogical that he should but … I take your word for it."

With one last squeeze of Luke's hand, Vader pulled away and pushed the button to open the doors. The Dark Lord was holding his breath. Luke found he was doing the same.

Qui-Gon leant against the far wall; the dark brown and cream robes setting him off against the stark white panels: an elegant, powerful and commanding figure. He was alone; the storm troopers were long gone as they dared not be present when their Lord emerged from the detention block.

`Why does he have to be handsome and strong and kind?' Luke thought bitterly for a moment. `Why can't he look like Yoda and exude exasperation with every breath? Because Vader would never respond to that kind of authority. Qui-Gon radiates strength and leadership without … without being overbearing. You just want to be near him and do as he asks.'

Qui-Gon's piercing grey eyes were fixed on them. He pushed off from the wall, but made no move to advance towards them. Luke knew that before all this happened the Jedi Master would have come near. He would have reached for Vader. A gentle touch on the Dark Lord's shoulder and a fond smile that would have disarmed Vader like nothing else could.

`He's holding back. Why? Oh … because of me. He thinks I'll feel threatened if he physically touches Father,' Luke thought and his brow furrowed. `Shouldn't I feel glad that he is staying away? Giving respect to the fact that Vader is mine not his?' But Luke felt no gladness.

Vader's gaze met Qui-Gon's then abruptly skipped to the floor where it remained. Luke could feel his father's shame and grief arcing out of him in waves. Qui-Gon's pained expression showed that he felt it, too, and the desire to ease and comfort rolled off of him, but he remained where he was. Again the man resisted helping Vader, because of Luke.

`This … this is wrong. There shouldn't be this distance between them. But neither of them will fix this. Only I can.'

Luke's jealousy still simmered in his gut, but it was not going to stop him from doing what had to be done.

`I know Father loves me. And I know that Qui-Gon does, too. They will suffer so as not to hurt me. I cannot allow this. It'll rip us apart in the end and we'll be at our enemies' mercy and there's simply too much at stake.'

With a deep breath, Luke stepped forward and said, "Enough of this."

Vader's head jerked up, his gaze zeroing in on Luke. Qui-Gon's eyes had also darted over to him.

"I won't have you two avoiding each other because of your fear of hurting me. Its one thing if this is about … about hurting each other, but not … not if it's about me. And I sense that at least your reticence, Qui-Gon, is based on your desire not to harm me rather than anything to do with Father."

When neither man spoke or moved, seemingly flummoxed by Luke's statements, Luke grabbed Qui-Gon's hand and placed it on Vader's shoulder. Vader's eyes searched Luke's face.

Luke met that concerned gaze and said, "I know you didn't betray me before and you … won't in the future. You need him. He needs you. And if you're both too afraid of acting on that need, because of me we'll be in trouble. We have to be united against Obi-Wan and Palpatine and this … this new Sith Lord. Qui-Gon is essential in helping you get a hold of your powers, Father. We can't do this alone."

Vader ran the back of one hand down Luke's cheek. His eyes glowed with warmth instead of the eerie Dark Side power. "My son … as I've said before … you never cease to surprise me."

"I've got to keep you on your toes, Father. Can't have you getting bored," Luke responded with a gaiety he didn't exactly feel.

"Little chance of that happening."

Qui-Gon still had not spoken, but there was a lightness coming off of him that Luke knew boded well. He had not removed his hand from Vader's shoulder and Luke saw him give it a gentle squeeze. Vader accepted the comforting touch. Slowly, Vader turned his head to regard the other man.

"Qui-Gon—"

"Anakin—"

They spoke at the same time. Both men smiled.

"Please, go first," Qui-Gon said.

"I …," Vader cleared his throat; his pallor alternated between flushed and pale. He clutched the blanket more tightly around him. "I don't know what to say. How can I possibly ask for your forgiveness for what is … unforgivable?"

"You don't have to ask, because I give it to you freely."

"There's no excuse for what I did," Vader said softly. "I could have ki—"

"But you didn't. You stopped," Qui-Gon said firmly, his expression almost fierce.

Luke smiled at how convinced Qui-Gon was of Vader's abilities to control himself even after being attacked. `Perhaps he needs such a strong belief in order to not be afraid.' Considering what Vader was capable of one needed quite a lot of faith not to be terrified. But Luke sensed that Qui-Gon would never allow Vader's temper or powers or anything else stop him from helping the Dark Lord whether Vader wanted that help or not. Qui-Gon would be a good Master for Vader, Luke realized, and felt both pleased and sick at that thought.

"It was too close," Vader breathed.

"It was very close. But it taught us both something," Qui-Gon said.

"That my temper rules me?" Vader asked, bitterness lacing his words. "That I lash out at those who are only trying to help me? That those who … who care for me … are not safe around me? I already knew that!" Vader swallowed deeply. "But even that knowledge didn't stop me, did it?"

Qui-Gon's eyes were kind as he said, "Not altogether. But you pulled back, which I know you have not been able to do in the past."

Vader pressed his lips together. He didn't respond for a long time. "I don't want to hurt you or Luke again. I want … I want control and I … I can't seem to master that on my own."

Luke could feel the shift in the atmosphere as Vader said these words. Qui-Gon was the one holding his breath this time. His eyes were fixed on Vader as if he hoped to see the words before Vader spoke them. Vader's head was still down, unable seemingly to meet the Jedi Master's gaze as he admitted he needed something from another.

"I need … I need your help. Even if it means …" he gave a sigh, "being a …Padawan-learner and wearing a damn braid in my hair, I'll do it. Whatever it takes. I never want to hurt another person I love again. Would you … would you help me?"

Qui-Gon gave a laugh that startled all three men, but it was full of joy. He wiped away tears that had suddenly formed at the corners of his eyes. "Forgive me for laughing. It's just … you have no idea how long I have wished to have you as my Padawan and now … now you offer it to me! Life is so strange and wonderful sometimes for as cruel as it can often be."

"You've really wanted this?" Vader asked, amazement tinting his voice. "Even knowing how difficult I can be? Even after I … hurt you?"

"For over thirty-years I've wanted it. And your character and the difficulties you face make me want it more not less," Qui-Gon said, the earnestness in his voice ringing out like a clear bell. With an impish grin, Qui-Gon said, "But don't worry. I won't let being your Master go to my head. As proof of that, I won't make you braid your hair, Anakin."

Vader's lips turned up into a smile. "Thank you … Master." He said the last softly. His expression was difficult to read as if he had been granted something he wanted very much, but was tinged with sadness, too, from knowledge of a life lived without that very thing.

Qui-Gon glowed at the title. Another squeeze of Vader's shoulder and then the Jedi Master released his hold.

"It won't be easy, you know," Vader said.

"I'm always up for a challenge," Qui-Gon said.

"You may very well be ruing this day not too long from now," Vader said with a laugh.

"I think I will be more often remembering it with great fondness," Qui-Gon answered quietly. The tone made Luke smile even as his chest hurt. Qui-Gon loved his father. The open, almost longing look on his face and the slight huskiness to his voice made that abundantly clear to Luke.

Luke glanced over at his father. He saw that Vader had colored slightly and was scuffing the ground with one boot. For a moment, he saw Vader as he must have been all those years ago as an eager, young Padawan, desperate for his Master's approval.

`This is how he should have been. Not angry and bitter. If Qui-Gon had been his Master the Empire would never have been, because Father would never have needed the sweet, poisoned lies that Sidious told him,' Luke realized with startling clarity. `I doubt I would have been either. Whoever my mother was … she would not have turned Father's head from Qui-Gon Jinn. How can I compete with this … this force of nature between them?'

Luke swallowed his pain, but didn't release it as he had been taught to do. It was too big and too dear to let go of. When Vader lifted his head and met Luke's gaze, the boy tried to hide what he was feeling. The fact that Vader had their bond closed down to a trickle since the torture began helped, but the Dark Lord was no fool and Luke knew his face often showed what he was feeling just as clearly as the bond did.

"Luke …" Vader said softly and reached for him.

"Don't worry. It's nothing. Just … just been a long day," Luke lied.

Vader's eyes narrowed. Qui-Gon's head was down this time, so Luke couldn't tell what the older man was thinking from his expression.

"I'm fine, Father. Truly. I just … just need to rest, I think."

`And run away from this sick feeling of being squeezed in a vise. I can't do this here. Please, Father, understand!'

Whether Vader heard the thought or just guessed what Luke wanted and needed, he dropped the subject. But he didn't move away from Luke, instead his arms slid around the boy and held him close. Luke tried to resist the urge to melt against him, but it didn't work. He sagged against his father's strong form, his head pillowed against Vader's broad chest.

Qui-Gon cleared his throat softly and said, "I know that we all need some time to recover from … from all that has occurred, but … we need to discuss our next course of action."

Luke gave the older man a quizzical look. "Aren't we going to Corsucant?"

Qui-Gon's silvery gaze fixed steadily on Vader's face. The Dark Lord could only meet it for a few moments before his cheeks flushed and he turned his head to the side.

"The Force Web in my mind makes me very vulnerable to Sidious, Luke. He intimated that he would be able to control my powers as well as … my body … without my consent in the future," Vader explained, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "I think he may … not … be lying."

"But if he has this ability why hasn't he used it before now?" Luke asked.

"I believe that it may be a question of physical proximity in combination with those crystal sacs we found in Engineering. My belief is that as the Executor gets nearer to Coruscant, Sidious' control over Anakin will grow," Qui-Gon explained. "It explains why when Vader faced the large droid in the sparring chamber he … momentarily … was frozen, unable to act, but was able to break free, but when Anakin was in the detention block, many light years closer to Sidious, he was unable to free himself without my help."

Luke clutched tighter at Vader. "What can we do? How can we stop Sidious?"

"We must find some way to disrupt the Force Web if not remove it altogether from Anakin's mind. Otherwise … it will be too dangerous for Anakin to be anywhere near the Emperor … ever," Qui-Gon said.

Luke felt chilled. If the Emperor could control Vader's powers he knew the elder Sith would have no compunction about using them. And the thought of what Sidious could do with those abilities under his control was too horrible to contemplate.

"What's our first course of action?" Luke asked.

"We need to get off of this ship and away from those crystal sacs. Yet if we merely have the Executor drop us off somewhere, Sidious will have a starting point to look for us and we need as much distance and concealment as we can get. Anakin, you said something about having a plan to get off the Executor without anyone knowing we had, correct?" Qui-Gon asked as he clasped his hands in front of him and Luke was struck by how easily the elder Jedi gave orders and his comfort level in doing so. Not to mention Vader's and his own acquiescence to Qui-Gon's leadership.

The Dark Lord nodded. "It's a ship of my own design. It can exit the Executor while it is hyperspace."

Luke gasped. "But that's impossible!"

A genuinely happy smile crossed Vader's full lips. "Not for the Deathstryke. She is … perfect. Almost. But what she lacks in polish is made up for by the simple fact that she can get us out of here."

"Well, I've come to have great faith in machines that aren't perfect. After one ride in the Falcon, you'll believe anything is possible," Luke said.

"I still cannot believe that flying hunk of junk eluded the Imperial Fleet for so long," Vader said.

"Does Sidious know about the Deathstryke's capabilities?" Qui-Gon asked.

"He believes her a failure," Vader said with a cold smile. "I made quite a show of sulking about it in front of him. He actually gifted me with a Viridian Class Fighter as a consolation prize so I'm sure he believed my act."

"Now that we have a means to get away where should we go?" Luke asked.

There was something in Qui-Gon's eyes for a moment that gave Luke pause. He didn't know what the emotion was that he had seen, but it worried him.

"I … I believe we must go to Tatooine and find the necklace that Salara told us about," Qui-Gon said.

Vader gave a snort of disbelief and said, "You honestly think that will help? Besides the likelihood of us ever finding it is miniscule! It could be anywhere. Watto was desperate for funds after the Bunta Eve Race. He would have sold everything that wasn't nailed down, including the necklace, probably for nanos on the credit in the end."

"But he didn't sell the necklace to Salara's husband though," Luke pointed out.

"Perhaps he truly believed he could sell it for more to someone else or that he could make the man offer more by playing coy. In any event, I'm sure that he sold it to someone years ago," Vader said. "Force, I remember when I saw him last he was a mere peddler on the street selling trash. He wouldn't have kept anything of value while he lowered himself to that."

"You saw him when you went back to Tatooine looking for your mother?" Qui-Gon asked softly.

Vader nodded and Luke felt a flash of pain from him.

The Dark Lord suddenly asked, "Did you intend to leave her …" Vader stopped and swallowed harshly. "It does not matter. Forget that I said anything. We have to concentrate on the here and now."

Luke wondered what his father meant to ask. He glanced over at Qui-Gon, but he received no help there. The Jedi Master looked at Vader closely, but did not ask him to elaborate. Luke sensed that he would though later. `When they are alone …,' Luke squelched that jealous thought.

"I believe it must be possible for us to find the necklace otherwise he would not have shown it to us," Qui-Gon said. "And I'm not willing to rule out that it won't help."

"Wait a minute. Why do we need the necklace? And who showed you it?" Luke asked, realizing that he hadn't asked the obvious.

Qui-Gon and Vader looked at one another and Luke knew that something was passing over their bond. Again the pain of being excluded even slightly wore on Luke. So he held onto his father more tightly and was rewarded by a kiss on the head from Vader. There was no sense of jealousy from Qui-Gon because of that act and Luke didn't know whether to feel pleased or annoyed.

`He wants to help Father not bed him!' But Luke knew that helping Vader was only part of what Qui-Gon wanted. Could Qui-Gon have been Vader's father in the past? Could he be his father now? Wouldn't at least one of those explain the powerful connection between the two men?

Vader interrupted Luke's thoughts when he explained, "The Sith in the Archive … showed us the necklace during the vision. He intimated that it was a way to free me from Sidious. I don't believe him, but … what choice do we have?"

"I admit that I, too, doubt this ancient Sith's veracity on many things. However, as Anakin so aptly put it, we don't have any better ideas right now and we must do something. This course looks to be as good as any other," Qui-Gon said.

"I suppose there is one benefit to going to Tatooine," Vader said with a slight smile.

"What?" Luke asked.

"It would be the absolute last place in the universe the Emperor will think to look for us," Vader answered.

Qui-Gon's eyes then took in how Luke was slumped against Vader and the tiredness in the Dark Lord's stance as well. "I won't keep you any longer now that we have determined our next course. We should, however, prepare to leave soon."

"It won't take long to prep the Deathstryke. We must … well, I must get clean," Vader said and drew the blanket around him tighter with a look of distaste down at his soiled chest. "And we should all eat. After I give some orders to Admiral Piett, I believe we will be ready to go."

"Let us meet up in a few hours then," Qui-Gon suggested.

"Yes, Hangar Bay 13E," Vader responded.

"Onto our next adventure," Luke said softly. "I wonder what it will bring."

Vader's POV

Vader tipped his head back, allowing the water from the shower to sluice over his naked body. The dried blood was long gone, but he still felt unclean. He soaped up again and made the water hotter. With the blood and gore washed away, the wounds from Sidious' cruel use of him stood out lividly against the paleness of his skin. His right nipple was a massive purpling bruise and stung as the hot water hit it. Scrapes ran down his sides and large bruises bloomed along his hips and inner thighs.

These marks were physical proof that he had been helpless. If Qui-Gon had not come when he had, Vader knew Sidious would have had the droid rape him. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and his heart began to pound. He could almost feel how it would have been to have the droid's cold metal probes brutally sodomizing him while Sidious cackled in his ear. His hands clenched into fists and he shook. At that moment he felt a rush of warmth and the sensation of being cradled against a strong chest. Vader froze, panic trickling through him at this sudden unseen visitor, but then he realized it was Qui-Gon who held him in a mental embrace.

`Qui-Gon?'

`Yes, it is I, Anakin. Let go of your fear. Everything is all right. Sidious will not have you again. I will protect you. I swear it,' Qui-Gon sent over their bond.

Vader's hands unclenched as he was brought back to reality: the rape had not happened. It would not happen. He was safe. For now.

`We will find a way to free you from him,' Qui-Gon sent and Vader thought he felt one of the older man's hands brush over the crown of his head then down to his neck.

Vader's shoulders slumped as the tension drained from him from the soothing touch. But then he realized how much greater the bond must be for Qui-Gon to be able to send these sensations to him. `The bond is—'

`Stronger. Yes, much stronger.'

`Is it because we are Master and Apprentice now?'

`Partially, I believe.' Qui-Gon sent, but did not elaborate on what he believed the other reasons were for the greater connection.

Vader didn't ask him to, because he worried that Qui-Gon would talk of the vision and the ancient Sith Lord. He couldn't speak of that quite yet.

`I am well now … Master,' Vader sent, still hesitant about using the title, but not for the reasons he thought he'd be. It was not that he resented calling another man `Master' but that he feared that Qui-Gon would suddenly say he didn't have the right to do so.

`Good. I am here whenever you need me. You are not alone in this, Anakin, or anything else anymore,' Qui-Gon sent and the sensation of being held grew and another tender brush of invisible fingers carded through his wet hair.

`You … you can release me now, Master,' Vader sent as an unaccustomed blush heated his cheeks. He realized that even though Qui-Gon was not physically holding him naked in the shower, the mental embrace felt excruciatingly intimate since nonetheless.

`Forgive me. I … your distress was so acute …,' Qui-Gon murmured and the sensation of being held slowly dissipated as if the other man were still reluctant to let him go.

Vader was silent for a moment. For all that he had said to Qui-Gon after the vision, he truly didn't know what the Jedi Master felt about what had occurred. Did Qui-Gon want to be his father? His lover? His Master? Or all three? And did it matter so long as Qui-Gon understood that Luke was the only one who would share Vader's bed?

As if sensing some of what Vader thought, Qui-Gon sent, `We must talk later about … about many things. You know this?'

Vader shut his eyes for a moment. `Yes, Master. Just not … not right yet.'

`I know, my Padawan. When you are ready … or when it must be done.'

Vader felt warmth explode in his chest being called `my Padawan.' The reaction was so strong it took him off guard. Apparently, Qui-Gon was not the only one who had wanted the Master-Padawan relationship all along. It almost overcame his dread at the thought of the conversations they would have.

`One last thing, Anakin. What did you want to ask me earlier outside the detention block?' Qui-Gon asked.

Vader swallowed. He blamed that question sneaking out of his mouth on the stress he had been under. It was based on something he had thought of often after Shmi had died, but had believed he'd long since stopped caring about. The question was simply whether Qui-Gon would have left Shmi on Tatooine as Obi-Wan and the Jedi Counsel had, or whether he would have rescued her.

Vader's fondest belief back then had been that, if Qui-Gon had lived, his mother's death would not have occurred, because the Jedi Master would have saved her or would have allowed Vader to do so himself much sooner. This was his chance to find out if he was right. But was it a good idea to ask? What if Qui-Gon's answer disappointed him? Would it tarnish the image he had of the Jedi Master? Would it taint their nascent Master-Padawan relationship? He didn't want that.

`Or am I just being a complete coward?' Vader thought to himself. `I should accept the man as who he is. Not put him on a pedestal from which he is sure to fall.'

Yet he still wanted to know the answer.

`Master … I was going to ask … what your intentions were towards my mother. About whether you had … had any plans to attempt to free her after we left Tatooine,' Vader sent.

The bond was quiet, though there was a comforting hum coming over it.

Qui-Gon sent, `I should respond to your question with the statement that we should not live in the past, nor agonize over those decisions that we cannot go back and undo, but accept that they occurred along with the emotions they bring, and then release them.'

Vader's shoulders slumped and his chin dropped to his chest. That was the answer that one would expect to get from a Jedi Master. It was the sensible answer. But it didn't help the pain in his heart.

Then Qui-Gon continued with almost a mental sigh, `But that is not the answer I am going to leave you with. I find it dissatisfying and … sterile. But I am uncertain if I should say more.'

Vader's head had jerked up when Qui-Gon had decided to give another answer, but as the Jedi Master continued a puzzled frown crossed his lips. `Why uncertain?'

`It's just that I … I don't want to make you any more bitter towards Obi-Wan because of this.'

`I doubt that could be possible, Master. I have no good feelings left for him. If they were not gone when he left me in the lava then they were scoured clean when he arranged to have my son burnt to a cinder.' Vader's eyes narrowed dangerously. Dead or not, Vader would find a way to make Obi-Wan pay for that.

`Yes, I feared that was so. But in regards to your mother … you must understand that I never told him my plans. He never had any idea what I intended to do. I did not expect to … to die and leave so much unfinished.'

Vader felt his chest go tight. `You had a plan? To save her? Tell me what it was!'

`This is all hindsight, Anakin. I do not even know if it would have worked.'

`But it could have!' Vader's heart beat faster. `Tell me … please.'

`I had a sum of money saved--'

`Money? Of course … funds to buy her!'

He felt Qui-Gon's amusement tinged with concern at the violence of his emotions. Vader's thoughts on his mother had always been chaotic and since he had realized his own culpability in her death, he found his interest in what Qui-Gon would have done greater than even before.

`I'm sorry, Master, I won't interrupt again.' Vader forced himself into silence and quieted his feelings so that Qui-Gon could tell him what the plan was. He feared the older man would decide against it if he continued on like this.

`I knew that Watto had foolishly bet all his funds on the Bunta Eve Race and after he lost … well, I guessed he would have to sell almost all he owned and a slave, as you know, is an expensive possession to keep.' The dryness in Qui-Gon's tone let Vader know how much the older man despised the thought of considering anyone a possession.

`He always grouched that we ate him out of house and home even though Mother grew most of our food and … scavenged in … in trash bins for the rest.'

Vader swallowed as he then remembered the moment he'd found that out. His mother had given him all the fresh food they had in the house. She had refused to take any even though there was nothing left for her to eat. Then she had told him that she had a task to do and he should remain inside playing while she was gone. He had followed after her instead, trailing her stealthily to a trash heap in a better part of town. She hadn't been uncertain in her destination and that alone had let him know she'd gone this way many times before. Her eyes, when she realized he'd seen her picking up half-rotten vegetables and maggoty meat and eating them, were so defeated. Slaves were normally well-fed and watered, because they were expensive property, but Watto always kept them just on the edge of deprivation. Vader snapped back to the moment when Qui-Gon mentally spoke to him again.

`To say I am sorry for what you both suffered is a paltry thing, but I am. I knew things were … worse … than they looked when we visited you and then that damn Gungan was eating everything,' Qui-Gon growled the last part.

Vader couldn't help the smile crossing his lips as he remembered how Qui-Gon had caught Jar-Jar's tongue in mid-swipe of a parle fruit. That was his first glimpse at Force-enhanced reflexes and speed at work. And Qui-Gon's simple action had electrified him. He had thought of how many he could help with such skills. Vader grimaced. He had either fallen far from that ideal or become less naïve.

`That was our food for … the week. But I wanted you to have it. Mother did as well. You were our guests and you were … Jedi,' Vader stopped and winced. He had idolized the Jedi so much back then, which was probably why his hatred of them became so great later.

`Great Force, your food for the week? We shouldn't have taken any of it! Why didn't I think … realize--'

`We didn't want you to know. It would have been shameful,' Vader interrupted. `And … our home looked relatively … prosperous. Mother always managed to make things … pleasant. Happy. We didn't want our life to be ruled any more than it already was by slavery and Watto's whims.'

`I … I wish I had gotten there sooner … gotten you away from there younger,' Qui-Gon sent then went silent, ruminating perhaps on the rest of Vader's life as a slave.

The Dark Lord did not want Qui-Gon to question him on what other hardships he had endured back them. He kept those things in a dark place in his mind behind a locked door, which he resolutely ignored. In order to distract the older man's train of thought and get back to his original question, he sent, `Please go on. Tell me … tell me how you planned to save my mother.'

Vader could feel the Jedi Master gather his thoughts together before he sent, `I guessed Watto would not sell Shmi to me even for twice the going rate out of spite for getting you away from him. But through an intermediary, I was sure he'd rise to the bait. A rather … disreputable friend of mine … had agreed to make the transaction for me as well as changing my Republic credits into good currency on Tatooine. I would funnel the money to him and he would purchase your mother and bring her to Coruscant … where she would have been free. I had enough saved to then set her up in a small apartment and … and could have provided for her.'

Vader realized he was holding his breath. `She would have been free and safe on Coruscant …' Vader let the breath go. She would have been on the same planet as him. He could have seen her, been with her, felt her hands on him, and heard her voice in his ear. `Would you have … let me … see her?'

`I doubt I could have stopped you,' Qui-Gon sent with an amused chuckle, but then sobered, `but of course, I would have. You were not like other younglings that had no memories or connections to your parents. You had lived six years with her. Severing that bond would have been … was … damaging to you.'

Vader stood there. The shower water splashed against his back and shoulders, but he hardly felt it any more. He was focused on that last moment he had spent with his mother. She lay broken and bleeding and dying and still … still her thoughts had been of him and how proud she was of her Jedi Knight son. He clenched his hands into fists.

`She never … never blamed me for … for not coming back for her,' Vader sent.

`I know. I was with you then. It wasn't your fault … what happened to her.'

Vader felt the hot burn of tears behind his eyes and his shoulders shook. `Then whose was it if not mine? She had me alone to care for her. I was her only family. I was her son! I could have used a fraction of the money I frittered away from my pod-racing … my own allowance as well … to have freed her and saved her, but I didn't!'

`My Padawan … do not torture yourself with this. It is a dead end. It will lead no where.'

`You died before you could help her, but I lived and could have done as you had planned to. What is my excuse? I have none!'

The sensation of being embraced returned, but Vader fought against the comfort. He thrashed against the phantom arms, but it was no use. He was held tight. His chest heaved with sobs that he tried to stuff back into his mouth. He didn't want them to come out. He didn't want Luke to hear and find him ripped apart emotionally again. So the words and the almost howls of anguish, spilt out over his bond with Qui-Gon like a torrent instead.

`She was my mother and I … FAILED her!'

`You didn't, Padawan!'

`I did! I was weak and stupid and selfish and … and she DIED! I was in the lap of luxury with the Jedi and she was sold to a blasted moisture farmer! Out in the desert … away from the safety of the cities … near the sand people! The sand people … monsters!' Vader slammed his closed fists against his thighs, digging at his own limbs with anguish.

`You couldn't know what would happen, Anakin!' Qui-Gon's presence filled him, trying to

stem the black rush of self-hate that poured out of Vader's soul.

`I had visions of her agony, but I ignored them. Don't you understand? I was more afraid of being censured by the Force-damned Council than saving my own mother! Who ate garbage for me! Who—'

`You did go to her! You went. You defied the Council and Obi-Wan. You did go!'

`But too late! Too late.' Vader sank down to the floor, tucking his legs against his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Tears were falling and mixing with the water of the shower as he sent, `And when she … she lay cold and still in arms … all I had to offer her was … was their blood. All of it. Spilt everywhere. Pooling on the sands like ichor … thick and heavy and almost sweet-smelling and … you shouted at me to stop. And I didn't. I didn't!'

`Anakin, hold on, I am coming to you.'

At first, Vader thought, `Please, Master, I need you!' But then with a sudden spike of fear mixed with understanding, he realized how this would look to Luke: that he turned to Qui-Gon before his beloved son; that they'd been speaking while Vader showered; that he'd hidden from Luke what he was feeling. He could explain all this away as innocent, because it was, but he knew that Luke would be hurt. The boy would put that hurt to the side and give him that sad smile and accept, but inside his son would be bleeding. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. He'd already hurt his boy too much already.

`Qui-Gon , don't come to me! Don't!'

Vader felt the other man freeze at his mental shout.

`What? Why?'

Vader forced his breathing to even out. He gripped the tile walls, counting breaths, until his chest stopped seizing. He wiped a hand over his red, streaming eyes. He reeled in his emotions, shoving them down deep inside him behind that door.

`You mustn't come,' he sent much more calmly.

`I am coming to you. This is not up for debate, Padawan. You need me.' Qui-Gon's strong spirit almost compelled Vader to obey, to stop resisting, but the Dark Lord struggled against it.

`I need you … not to come right now.'

`For Force's sake, why?'

`Because of Luke!'

Their bond went strangely silent then. Vader realized that Qui-Gon was consciously blocking whatever he was thinking and feeling about the boy. Vader didn't know why.

`What about Luke? Tell me, Anakin.'

`He is already rubbed raw by what happened between us in the vision. I know he is jealous and uncertain about his place with me. I can't put him through more now. I am … will be … fine.'

He felt Qui-Gon contemplating what he said, but he could not read the other man's emotions again. He sensed that the Jedi Master had stopped running and was now only walking to him.

Finally, Qui-Gon sent, `I understand your concerns, Anakin. I … I do not wish to hurt Luke either, but … he cannot ...'

`Cannot what?'

Qui-Gon's embrace tightened around him as the older man sent, `He cannot interfere in our training. There will come times, like now, when … when things will get very emotional and very deep very fast and … you must rely upon me to guide you out of the torrents of emotion. Nothing must come between a Master and a Padawan during those times. Not even Luke. Do you understand?'

`You will not come now though?'

There was a long moment of silence. Vader could almost picture the man either pacing the hallways like a caged lion or standing stock still with those penetrating eyes fixed forward, debating if he would honor Vader's request.

`I will stay away for the moment even if I do not think it is wise,' Qui-Gon sent finally. He did not sound pleased.

Vader rubbed his face with his hands. `I don't know what to do about … anything. I don't know how this should be between us. I don't know how to be a Padawan anymore if I ever did. I've been a Sith Apprentice for so long.'

`I believe there should be great trust between a Sith Master and Apprentice, that there must be, in order to face the dangers that the Dark Side poses to the users.'

Vader gave a soft laugh. `That is not what my experience has taught me. The Master and Apprentice can never trust each other. They are at odds. Adversaries. Enemies at the basic core. Because the Master, for as much as he teaches and relies upon his Apprentice, his ultimate goal must always be for that Apprentice to … fail.'

`Because in order for the Apprentice to become a Master, he must kill his Master, correct?'

`Yes. That's the only way.'

`That's the only way that you were taught, but it is not the only way, Anakin.'

`Do you think yourself a Sith Lord? A natural Dark Side user?' Vader asked.

`All I know for certain is that I am … your Master. What else that makes me, I'm not sure. But in the end … that I am your Master, that it is my solemn duty to protect, teach, guide and care for you … is all that matters,' Qui-Gon answered, his mind voice had the lulling quality of an ocean. `I do not seek your failure. Your successes are mine. I want you to attain mastery. That is the path we are set upon together and, if you let me help you, I will do everything in my power to see that we reach the end.'

`That … that sounds perfect. I only wish I could believe that I am entitled to walk such a path.'

`Then trust me, because I know you are,' Qui-Gon sent, so certain, so sure.

Vader slumped further against the shower's tile walls, overwhelmed with the changes that had occurred not just in the last 24 hours, but over the last week as well and he drained by the emotional upheaval that seemed to grip him this day. He stared blindly forward. Qui-Gon's confidence and strength was alluring. His offer of protection and guidance something that Vader had never experienced.

`I should not need your help,' he sent weakly. `I am 43 years old and still … a Padawan! The oldest Padawan in history, I'm sure.'

Qui-Gon's mental chuckle made Vader smile slightly. He was relieved his smile didn't feel like a ragged gash across his face.

`We never stop being students, Anakin, and there is no shame in needing help.'

`You say that only because you are the one helping rather than being helped. You are the Master. You … you are everything you should be. Strong and confident and wise … a tower … a pillar … a monolith,' Vader sent the last almost absently.

`Unfortunately, I am flesh and blood and fail all too easily. My shortcomings will probably show up all the more powerfully because of these supposed strengths. And you are wrong that I am only the teacher in our relationship. You are teaching me as well,' Qui-Gon sent with gentle warmth and affection.

Vader closed his eyes. `I'm … I'm so tired, Master.'

`I know, my Padawan. Rely upon my strength now to sustain you.'

A pulse of energy flowed over the bond and Anakin felt not only his mental and physical aches ease, but there was also a sense of peace and calm left behind that he knew could not be his own.

`Master, what is this?' Vader probed at the feelings and realized they came from a structure that was very similar to the Force web that Sidious had constructed.

`It is to help you with control.'

A panicky fluttering filled Vader's chest. `But … but it's an outside control. It's … it's you. You are trying to control me like Sidious!'

`No! This is not like the Force web. I would never do that to you. Think of it as if you were standing at the edge of a cliff and you leant too far forward … this is the safety line to keep you from falling.'

Vader's shoulders tensed and his mental voice was icy when he sent, `You put this in my mind without my permission!'

Qui-Gon's response was very carefully and steady, `It is a part of the training, but … you are right. I should have told you about it and … asked for permission. Already I have misstepped. I am sorry, Anakin. Do you wish me to remove it?'

Vader twisted his hands in his lap. He wanted to scream, `yes' and punish the other man for his presumption, but the images of crushing Qui-Gon's throat, of severing Luke's hand, and of Padme's crumpled pregnant form rose up in his mind's eye and stopped him. `No, it may remain … for now. But … but I may change my mind if you overstep again.'

`I understand. It is not a permanent construct in any event. Just for training. You will hardly notice it.'

Vader did not find that last part comforting. He wanted to be aware now of how others were affecting him.

`I need to be alone now, Master,' Vader sent.

He felt his Master's understanding yet the concern for his well-being remained, but Qui-Gon sent simply, `Of course. I am here should you need me.'

Vader felt Qui-Gon pull back, leaving only a faint awareness of his presence and apparently giving the Dark Lord his privacy. Vader's thoughts whirled. He felt like he was falling with no idea if he would grab a ledge or end up splashing into deep water or smacking into concrete.

Over the patter of the shower, he could hear Luke speaking to Artoo outside in their chambers, instructing the droid on the food they required. Merely the sound of his son's voice made him feel warm inside. Vader swallowed as he let his hands drop down by his sides. He didn't deserve to take comfort from his child. Although Luke had accepted what had gone on between him and Qui-Gon was not voluntary, he had felt Luke's pain at his unwilling betrayal. And on top of all that, the boy had found him with the slavers.

`Covered in blood and gore … like some animal run amok,' Vader thought with disgust. `Will this construct in my mind stop that from happening again?'

Yet the construct was but another connection between Qui-Gon and Vader. The Dark Lord felt a frission of guilt over the intimacy of the bond that he and Qui-Gon now shared. He had never understood until this moment how others could affect and be affected by the Master-Padawan bond. Luke felt his and Qui-Gon's increased closeness keenly and believed he was losing some part of Vader to the older man. How was he to assure his son that this was not so?

The door to the bathroom suddenly opened. Steam rushed out and cooler air came in along with Luke. The boy wore nothing. He was naked and golden and Vader's breath caught as he quickly washed away any signs of distress. Despite their kisses and caresses back in the detention center, he had not thought his son would let him near for a time. It was something Padme would have done to punish him. But Luke was not Padme. Luke was like no one else he had ever known.

"Do you wish to bathe, Luke?" Vader asked, not wanting to push an intimacy his son did not want at this time, while he clambered to his feet.

"No," Luke responded softly as he opened the glass doors to the shower and stepped inside. "I just want to be with you."

Vader turned the water from scalding to something far more comfortable in temperature, but his eyes never left his alluring son. Luke spread his hands wide and they hovered over Vader's chest for a moment as if uncertain whether he was allowed to touch. Vader grasped them and placed them against his skin. Luke made a soft, pleased sound then gave a little gasp as he saw Vader's injured right nipple. His fingers trailed down the cuts on Vader's sides. It was the lightest of touches, but Vader could not hold back the flinch. It did not hurt only he felt shamed to have Luke see how weak he had been.

"Father, you're hurt! Did Sidious do this to you?"

Vader gritted his teeth and nodded. He didn't want to think of Sidious now. He just wanted to think of his son.

"You should have said you were hurt before! I didn't see … it must have been under the blood … let me heal you now," Luke said.

"You don't need to."

Luke looked up at him questioningly. "But I want to."

"I mean … they are minor injuries. I don't want you to tire yourself more by healing them." And Vader felt he deserved them for being so easily overcome. But Luke would not be denied.

"There's plenty of Force energy here. I won't have to use any of my own."

Vader stood still while his son healed the wounds. It was strange to see them just fade away as if they had never been in seconds. Smooth, unblemished skin that his son gently stroked was revealed. The boy then tipped his head back. Water ran enticingly down his slender neck and gushed over his pink nipples and flat, muscled stomach. Luke smoothed his wet hair back from his forehead and looked up at Vader. His eyes met Vader's then flicked away. The Dark Lord saw the taut lines of his body radiating tension.

"You want to ask me something," Vader intuited. "But you don't know how."

Vader wasn't sure he was capable of another conversation today, but Luke mattered more than anything and anyone. He would go through fire for the boy. So a conversation was hardly asking for much.

"I know what I want to ask. I … just don't know if I want the answers," Luke said. His hands were splayed across Vader's chest, thumbs moving in lazy circles over Vader's pectoral muscles in a way that almost tickled but felt good nonetheless.

"Since I'm not sure what you are going to ask, I can only promise to answer truthfully," Vader said as he strained to hear anything over their bond to alert him to what Luke was going to say, but it remained stubbornly quiet. Was his son blocking him?

`He's protecting himself from me. Hiding his emotions.'

"Alright," Luke said and swallowed then said, "I need to know … if you're still mine. If you still want to be … only mine," Luke said softly.

"Yes, to both," Vader answered with out hesitation.

Luke pressed his body full length against Vader's. The Dark Lord moaned softly. They fit so perfectly together. His cock began to rise from its nest of dark curls. Vader ran his hands down Luke's back until he palmed the smooth, full globes of his son's buttocks. He ached to sink inside his son's body, make them one again, and banish the feeling of another's hands on him. He wanted to assure his son that they were together and he was with no other.

"But if you had a chance … if he offered it to you … would you want Qui-Gon, too?" Luke asked, his breath puffing lightly against Vader's neck.

Despite the mild tone of his son's question, Vader heard the raw edge. Why his son was so shielded from him became very clear.

"Father, I need to know if … if you want … him."

Vader drew back to see his son's face. Luke shut those luminous blue eyes. He was shaking despite the warmth of the water and Vader's body beside his. Vader placed the first two fingers of his right hand under Luke's chin and tilted it up. Luke's eyes opened. He must tell the truth. All of it. Even the one part Luke would not like, because it was the only way to convince the boy of the veracity of the rest.

"In another life … one without you in it … I would have wanted him," Vader admitted.

Luke went pale and his lower lip trembled. Vader stilled the trembling by running his thumb over the quivering flesh.

Vader's eyes caught and held his son's tremulous gaze as he continued, "But in this life, Luke … this life, our life … you are all I want. All I'll ever want."

Vader then sealed that promise with a searing kiss.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: FATHER-FIGURES

Vader's POV

Luke clung to Vader as the kiss continued. Finally, nearly breathless, they broke apart and the boy laid his head against Vader's chest. Vader's hands glided up and down Luke's wet back stopping at the beginning of the swell of the boy's buttocks. They stayed like that for several quiet minutes, the patter of the shower and their slowed breathing, the only sounds until Luke spoke.

"I know that I'm important to you, Father, but so is Qui-Gon. And I can't give you what he gives you," Luke said.

Vader's hands stilled. "Oh, child, that isn't true. You give me everything."

Luke tilted his head up so that they could see each other's eyes.

"Even if he isn't your real father … he's a father-figure to you and … don't deny it … you need that. But I can't be that. I can't fill that role for you," Luke said.

Vader opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it as he realized that he felt the familiar twist of pain when his "missing" father was mentioned. And though Luke fulfilled so many of his desires, the very essence of what Luke was to him, his beloved son, also meant Luke could never be the father-figure he thought he had long outgrown needing.

"So I seem like I need a father even now?" Vader asked his son softly.

Luke's eyes dropped from his and the boy chewed his lower lip before he finally met Vader's gaze evenly. One of his hands cupped the side of Vader's face as though to ease the blow of what he was about to say.

"There is no shame in needing someone strong like that in your life."

"It's because I've become more …vulnerable. Weaker than before that I need such a person," Vader said the words as if they left a bitter taste on his tongue.

Weakness. Always weakness ate at him. He hated it, but it was the only constant in his existence or so it seemed.

Luke ran his hands down Vader's sides comfortingly.

"It's not weak. It's actually the opposite. It's hard to admit needing people, but we all do. I doubt that this need is new. Just that you're willing to … to admit it now."

"Perhaps," Vader said with a twist of an unbelieving smile on his lips. Upon seeing his son's concerned expression, he added, "At least, it is good to finally have someone I can trust with my true thoughts, even my weaknesses, who will not judge me badly for them in any case."

Vader tightened his arms around Luke's shoulders to show the boy that Luke was whom he now trusted.

"Was there no one you could confide in before? I know you didn't feel you could with Obi-Wan, but what about your … your wife?" Luke asked, his shoulders tensing as he mentioned his mother.

"Padme and I … didn't exactly confide in one another about things like that," Vader said slowly.

"What do you mean? If … if that's all right to ask. I know you don't like talking the past. Or if it's too painful for you, we needn't discuss it," the boy rushed out.

Vader smoothed the top of Luke's head with one hand. "You may ask. I may choose not to answer, but you may ask me anything, Luke."

"Is this one of those things you won't answer? Because if it is I under—"

"No, its not. You have a right to know about … about her and me. She was your mother after all."

The truth was Vader hesitated to say anything, because he feared that speaking of Padme would only undermine the boy's confidence in their relationship. After all the knocks it had taken, and was bound to take, with his bond to Qui-Gon growing so much stronger, he didn't want to add to Luke's baseless fears. Although, the truth about him and Padme showed how much more of a relationship he had with Luke than he'd ever had with the boy's mother.

"We didn't really … speak of many things beyond what was necessary to keep each other up to date on our lives," Vader said.

Indeed, his typical time with Padme involved very little talking. She would wait for him on the balcony of her apartment. He would come to her on his speeder, sweaty and smelling of ozone and battle, fresh from a mission or saber practice with Obi-Wan. She'd jump in his arms as soon as his feet hit the balcony's floor. Then he'd carry her to the bedroom. They'd hardly spoken two words during some of these visits.

Luke's head lowered as he said, "I suppose that was because you didn't get much of a chance to be with her with all of your responsibilities as a Jedi."

Vader cleared his throat.

"Yes, partially."

Curious, but wary blue eyes looked up at him.

"And the other part?"

Vader observed his son carefully. He could divert them from this conversation, but knowing Luke, the boy would probably invent reasons for Vader's reticence that were far more jealousy-inducing than the truth.

Mind made up, Vader said, "I wanted a child and I endeavored to make sure our time together led to that result." To soften his blunt answer, he stroked Luke's head as he added, "In a way, you were everything that I wanted from her all along."

Luke's expression was priceless as understanding of what Vader's desire had entailed dawned on his son. The boy's cheeks heated and his lips twitched between a smile and a frown as he was torn between embarrassment, a touch of jealousy and happiness that he had been one of this father's goals.

"Did … did she become … become pregnant right away?" Luke asked, his grip on Vader tightening slightly in a show of almost gentle possessiveness.

Vader shook his head. It had been difficult for them to conceive. Even though they had used no contraception and he was with her whenever he could be. His expression darkened.

"I actually thought there might be something … wrong with me. That I might not be able to have children. She went to a physician to make sure there was nothing stopping her from conceiving and she came back with a clean bill of health. But I could hardly ask the Jedi to test my sperm count." Vader gave a bloodless smile. "After all, I wasn't supposed to be having sex let alone trying to have a child. And it would have been suspect if I had gone to a doctor outside of the Jedi Order. Things had a way of getting back to them. So we just kept trying the old-fashioned way until you were conceived."

"You really wanted … wanted me? You planned for me and everything? I wasn't … wasn't an accident?"

Luke looked so hopeful that Vader cursed himself for not telling the boy about him being wanted and planned from the beginning. At least on Vader's part.

"No accident, child of my heart. Conceiving you was … absolutely necessary to me."

That was no understatement. Vader had been driven to have Luke. Needed to have him. He had known it was part of what he was supposed to do. When he made a baby, his baby, things would get better; he would be one step closer to being what he was supposed to be. That Luke and he together were the Balance of the Force made his need more understandable now.

Luke gave a brilliant smile that warmed Vader inside and snuggled against his broad chest.

"I'm so glad that you did want children. I wondered if … well, if Leia and I were more complications in your life than … than benefits," Luke said.

"Not in the least. In fact, when I believed I might not be able to have children … I was rather distraught. But it worked out in the end."

Vader's expression, which had lightened as he spoke to Luke, went darker once his son's eyes were off his face. What he gave Luke was the thinnest of descriptions of his pain at that time. His anguish over the possibility that he might not be able to have children had made him stop eating. Sleep became increasingly elusive.

Perhaps these two things had led to his paranoia.

He started to think that Padme was lying about having stopped her birth control measures.

He had confronted her, shaking with anger, accusing her of not wanting a baby with him; shouting that she didn't want to cement their union into a family; claiming that her career as a politician was more important to her than their making a life together, which, even at the time, he knew was hypocritical coming from him as he continued to keep their marriage a secret and pursue his dreams of becoming a Jedi Knight. Her tearful denials still rang false to him to this day. The fact that she had become pregnant soon after that argument still left him wondering if he hadn't been right about her deceit.

But he said none of this to Luke. Because it was neither something Luke needed to know nor he dwell upon. They had conceived Luke. He now had Luke. Luke and he were the Balance of the Force. All was as it should be.

His baby. His boy. His son.

He pressed his lips to Luke's damp forehead as he whispered, "I wanted you more than anything."

Luke made one of those soft, contented sounds that caused Vader to feel protective and aroused all at once. He shifted them under the shower's relaxing spray so that he could wash Luke's body. The child was not dirty, but Vader longed to care for him and cleaning him was a way he could do that. Plus, he got to touch his son while he did so and any excuse for contact was more than welcome.

He soaped up a sponge and began to trail the soft material over his son's shoulders and chest. Luke's cheeks heated and Vader heard his breathing increase as the Dark Lord dipped the sponge lower, brushing just barely over the treasure trail of hair that led down to the boy's semi-hard sex.

"So there was no one, not even a friend, you talked to about how you felt?" Luke pressed him even through the pleasure of his touch.

"You are like a Rancor with a bone about this, aren't you, Luke?" Vader remarked lightly though he felt almost nervous with the probing looks and questions his son was giving him. He dipped the sponge lower to stroke along his son's beautiful cock. This was sure to distract him.

Luke grasped the wrist that held the sponge, stopping Vader's teasing touches as he said, "I just know so little about your past. So little about you. And I want to know you, Father."

"More than being bathed by me?" Vader asked, his voice deepening an octave.

Luke gave him a sweet smile, but it was also a determined one and Vader was reminded that Luke was indeed his son as the boy said, "I'll take both, but if it's a choice … I want to know about you more than … than even taking pleasure from your body."

Vader was still for a long moment as he scanned his son's face. No deception, no ulterior motives, just the honest desire to know him. How could he explain to Luke that he had lived his life hiding who he was and what he really thought? How to undo thirty years of acting that way?

Feeling as if he were stepping off a cliff, Vader said, "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," Luke said with a half-smile. "But I don't think the Executor has enough hot water for that conversation."

"We'd prune up far before them. Be wrinkled and boneless in the corner," Vader smirked.

He went back to washing the boy, but kept his touches non-arousing. The bathing gave him something to focus on other than his son's too blue eyes.

"Well, one thing I really want to know is if you had any friends. If there was anyone at all to … to help you before."

Vader should have known that his son would be concerned about his friendless state when he was a Padawan.

"Sidious. He played the part of friend and mentor rather well back then."

Like the vision of Padme before, Sidious' pre-transformed visage rose up from Vader's consciousness. The gentle, probing way the older man would question him or lend an insight that didn't grate as Obi-Wan's had. He would introduce Vader to all his associates as someone special and treasured. As if Vader were important. As if he were one of these powerful men and women already, not just a Padawan-learner, not just a flailing apprentice.

"Did you ever tell him about your feelings about your father?" Luke asked.

"No, but who knows what he guessed," Vader said as he crouched down to draw the sponge over the strong muscles in his son's calves and feet. Sidious' mocking statement about him wanting to be someone's boy floated in his mind, but he refused to react to it anymore.

"Did you distrust him then? Is that why you didn't say anything?" Luke lifted one foot then the other as Vader soaped them up.

Vader shifted under the water's spray. His eyes flickered up to Luke's then away.

"No."

"But there was a reason you never said something to him, wasn't there? More than that it just didn't come up," Luke intuited.

Vader focused on the tile floor, water sluicing down over him, forming a shimmery curtain around his head, and then cascading down the drain. He wished the conversation would go that same way, but he sensed it would not. After all father-figures and Qui-Gon and Sidious seemed terribly intertwined with the present. It made sense that Luke would want to know as much as he could about Vader's need for a father to defend against all perceived threats to their relationship.

"I was too … ashamed … to actually confess my need for a father to him," Vader said as he stood up.

"Ashamed? But why?" Luke's surprise was evident.

He grimaced. "Because who or rather what my father is … is all a part of what makes me special."

"I don't understand. It's clear that you're special, Father. Anyone could see that regardless of your parentage."

Vader felt a smile tug at his lips. Luke's loyalty was something he couldn't believe he had gained. He knew he had to take great care not to lose it and perhaps openness with him was a way to increase it.

"Do you remember my reaction to Salara's revelation about my conception?"

Luke's brow creased and then smoothed out as he said, "Oh! You said there was no man. You didn't have a father. You were just … created by the will of the Force."

"That was a sign that I was the Chosen One."

"And if you have a flesh and blood father then—"

"I would just be a Jedi with a freakishly high midichlorian count. Nothing more."

"And this … virgin birth was important to Sidious?" Luke asked.

"The Sith have a Prophecy, too, about the Chosen One. Though I did not know that was what he was at the time, I sensed my fatherless state was intriguing and important to him. So I kept my desire for a real father secret from him and everyone else."

"I can understand that," Luke said.

"And, of course, if there was an actual man …" Vader broke off and shook his head. The long forgotten, but evidently not forgiven, anger at the thought of such a man mixed with a yearning so great it felt like he was being squeezed in a vise rose up in him.

Luke finished his thought, eyes bright with understanding and empathy, "If there were a man then he was guilty of abandoning you. Leaving you and your mother on Tatooine, in slavery. But that's only if he actually knew of your conception. Perhaps he didn't."

Vader motioned for Luke to turn around so he could wash his back. As he placed the sponge between his son's shoulder blades, "He would have known. Just as I knew the moment Padme became pregnant with you. The Force would have told him." He trailed the sponge down Luke's muscled back, concentrating on the feeling of his son's skin, the slickness of the soap and the rush of the water so that he didn't have to feel the words he spoke. "So I had a choice."

"What choice?" Luke asked.

"I could want a flesh and blood father, a father who abandoned me and my mother. Or I could believe I had the all-encompassing Force as my father instead." Vader swallowed. "Even though I outwardly chose the latter … inside, I believed the former."

Luke turned around to face Vader, his expression stricken. "Oh, Father."

Vader felt one of those pained smiles cross his face against his will. He said, "I used to look at the faces of men in the Temple … even Sidious … and wonder if one of them was the father who had abandoned me. Did I have that man's jaw or that man's eyes or that man's hand with a blade?" Vader's eyes went unfocused as he remembered gazing at the many Jedi that had ranged the Temple's halls. "I wanted to despise my father. But at the same time, I still … wanted him. Somehow, I hoped that his leaving of my mother and I had been some horrible mistake even as I knew that was impossible. How incredibly pitiful to want a feeble human being to be my father rather then the glory of the everlasting Force. But I still did. Still evidently do."

Vader let out a bark of acidic laughter. Luke was right. He still wanted a father. Still needed a father. And this need was probably shining out of him like a neon sign for all to see at that moment.

"It's not weak to want that," Luke said, his voice firm, full of conviction. "It's not weak to need a living, breathing, warm human being to be your father. Or to want for that father to love you."

Concerned blue eyes gazed up at him. So full of love and acceptance. Too much so. Vader clutched Luke tight to him and pressed his lips to the top of the boy's head. He couldn't feel these things. He couldn't be weak like this. Even with Luke's understanding, it was still unbearable to be burst open and scrapped raw.

A hint of warmth and concern came from his bond with Qui-Gon. His emotions were reaching the other man even as he clamped down on them. Perhaps it was the Force net in his mind or perhaps he was just too tired to keep everything inside that allowed Qui-Gon access. What surprised him was the urge to latch onto the bond and sink into the other man's strength. The feelings that Qui-Gon evoked in him were the other side of the coin from what Luke did. With Luke he was allowed to be strong, to be protective, to be the dominant one, but with Qui-Gon he could be the one to experience all that protection and strength.

Vader found himself confessing something he never believed he would. His voice was ragged as he said, "That's part of why it's impossible for me to believe that Qui-Gon could be my father. Because the reason I would want him to be is the same one that tells me he can't be."

"Because he's not the kind of man who would abandon you," Luke guessed. "You're right. He would never have done that. He is a good man and I believe he loved you from the moment he saw you."

Luke's breath made warm puffs against Vader's shoulder and the Dark Lord wished he could bath in that heat, to get rid of the chill that seemed to perpetually cling to him. He wondered how much it cost his son to confirm yet again Qui-Gon's good qualities and love for him. It was more than he would have been able to do if the situation were reversed. He had almost killed Damon, and perhaps he still would, for merely wanting Luke in a one-sided crush. What would he do if someone came into Luke's life like Qui-Gon had entered his? He held Luke tighter. He wouldn't allow it. Luke was his. He shook the thought away.

"Yet you sense that the ancient Sith is telling you something of the truth, don't you, Father? About your parentage and other things," Luke said.

Vader winced. Luke was too sensitive not to pick that up from him. "Yes. I think part of the power of his words is that there is truth in them. But I am sure he is leaving many things out. And it is in what is missing that the real answers lie."

"We'll figure those answers out. I'm sure of it."

"You're right. All will be made clear eventually," Vader said though internally he feared that it might not be until after something crucial had occurred. He pulled back so that he and Luke were face to face. "I have a deal for you, my son."

"What?" Luke asked, smiling at Vader's choice of words.

"I will tell you one more thing about my past, something you will like I think, if you will then let me take you."

Luke gave a delighted laugh. "You act as if that is some sort of hardship for me!"

"Well you have been quite set on talking rather than love-making recently," Vader said.

"My mind and body love you, Father. I need to feed both of them," Luke explained.

Vader grinned. Some of the tension bled from his shoulders as he realized that the conversation had not been as unpleasant as he feared. In fact, he felt released from some burden he didn't know he was carrying. He dropped the sponge and squirted lemon-scented shampoo into the palm of one hand. He wanted to wash his son's hair, but also the thick creamy liquid would be excellent to slick himself up with.

"After Padme became pregnant," Vader began as he lathered the silky strands of Luke's hair, "every time I saw her, I would press my ear to her belly."

"What? Why?" Luke asked, his eyes bright with laughter.

"Because I wanted to hear you."

"And did you?"

"Yes, I heard your heart beat … and Padme's stomach gurgles, but that is beyond the point."

Luke snickered at Vader's levity.

"But never let it be said that I wanted a one-sided relationship with you, young one," Vader said as he massaged the soap into Luke's roots. The boy gave a moan of contentment.

"How so, Father?"

"I would also talk to you. Tell you about all we would do together once you were born. I wanted you to know my voice. I wanted you to know your father's voice from the very beginning."

Luke's eyes filled with happiness then wonder. "I did know it, Father. Or at least it was … familiar to me though I did not know why at the time. When I would watch holonet videos of you on Tatooine, your voice was so comforting. It wrapped around me. Made me feel safe and … and many other things," Luke colored slightly as he added, "I even recorded one of the vids where you talked about your love of flying. It was a recruitment vid, but the joy in your voice when you spoke about being in the stars was so … genuine. I played it every night before bed for years."

Vader remembered that particular vid. He normally gave speeches that were to inspire dreams of power and glory in recruits, but that one had been more to his liking and, not surprisingly, came across as more genuine. He was glad that his son had recognized the difference.

"And what did you do while you watched it, Luke?" he teased gently. "I seem to recall from your memory that you had a bit of a crush on Lord Vader back then."

"I … I …" Luke stuttered then flushed a deep red that the heat from the shower couldn't explain. He tipped his head back into the shower's spray to ostensibly wash the soap from his hair, but clearly it was to escape from answering further.

Vader chuckled. Luke was not getting away so easily. He leant in so that his mouth was even with Luke's ear and said, low and husky, "Were you naked in your bed while you listened to me talk about space flight?"

The boy shivered. "The interior of the farm was always … so warm … too warm to wear anything more to bed."

Vader's hands trailed down so that he could cup Luke's firm, round buttocks. They were perfect handfuls. His thumbs stroked up and down between the soft globes. "Did you touch yourself while you listened to me naked underneath your sheets?" Vader asked, his voice going husky.

Luke's eyelids fluttered downwards and he gazed up through his wet lashes. "Not at first. I would … hold off until mid-way through."

Vader's already hard cock filled further as he imagined his son's teenaged naked, golden body covered only in a slight layer of plain cotton. He could almost see how the boy's hands would have trailed down his chest, stopping just short of the wiry hair that surrounded his young sex as his recorded voice and visage washed over the boy. Luke would have to be quiet during his self-pleasure so that he wasn't interrupted by his guardians, but Vader knew how teenaged boys needed release and weren't good at controlling themselves.

"You wanted to make your pleasure last?" he asked.

"Yes, and I felt … felt dirty doing it. Felt sinful. But I'd get half-hard just hearing you and I … I ached. I couldn't sleep when I ached like that."

Vader hissed, his own cock aching in sympathy. He pushed it against Luke's hip and rubbed to just get some friction. "What did you imagine I would do to you that made you finally touch yourself, Luke?"

His son gave a tight choked sound. "Anything … anything and everything. Whatever you wanted. Whatever you ordered me to do."

It was the Dark Lord who felt his throat constricting at the thought of that. His son truly was made for him. "What did you imagine I would order you to do?"

Luke's pupils were more black then blue, blown wide with desire as he stammered, "I imagined … I imagined, oh, Father, I … this is making me so … just like then … so hard … only more and Force! I can't say it! I'll come right now!"

Vader looked down at the boy's leaking cock. It was up high and tight against his belly. The head of it was flushed with blood and wet with precum and shower water. He placed his fingertips under his son's chin and forced the boy to meet his gaze.

"Child, you will tell me and you will not come until I allow it."

Luke whimpered but nodded. "I would imagine that you … you ordered me to … to strip and …"

"And? What would I do with you once you were naked before me?"

"I … I … I would hear your voice telling me to … to offer myself to you. To turn and … and bend over and … spread my buttocks … and I wasn't sure what would happen next but I … I would sort of feel … imagine something hot and hard sliding into me and … I wouldn't know what was entering me … if it was your fingers or cock or saber—"

"Force, Luke! Enough talk … enough." Vader gripped his son's waist hard. His own breathing was becoming erratic and his cock was literally throbbing between them.

"Have I displeased you, Father?" Luke asked with downcast eyes yet Vader could see the shadow of a smile on his lips. "With my … wanton thoughts?"

"Such sinful desires, Luke. To use an educational and patriotic vid for such low purposes, what kind of boy are you? Hmmm?" Vader asked, hiding the smile that wanted to bloom. "I think you need to be punished … thoroughly … for such misbehavior."

Luke gave a gasp and one tremor ran through him. His head drooped, but Vader could see one thing on his boy that wasn't drooping in the least bit. His cock was trembling with eagerness to release his seed, but Vader had yet to give his son permission to cum.

"What will my punishment be, Father?"

"You will go into the bedroom."

"And?" Luke asked, his body quivering.

Vader licked suddenly dry lips. "You will get on the bed. On your knees. With your hands crossed behind your back and your forehead resting against the mattress."

Luke gave a low moan that went straight to Vader's cock. He had to squeeze the base viciously with a Force tendril to stop from coming right then.

"What are you waiting for, child? Go!" Vader barked.

Luke was moving the moment he ordered it.

Vader shouted over his shoulder, "And if I catch you rubbing that sweet cock of yours against the sheets, you will find yourself over my knee getting your ass reddened."

Luke froze in his tracks and desire glazed over his eyes for a moment. Vader wondered if the boy would disobey purposefully just to have that particular act occur. He took a few shuddering breaths of water-soaked air to center himself before he shut off the shower and reached for a towel. He took his time drying off his body, knowing that the longer Luke had to wait for him the greater his son's release would be when he granted it. The towel brush lightly against his cock and he groaned. Luke wasn't the only one who would obtain greater pleasure by waiting, he reminded himself.

With a wicked smile, Vader said to the steam-filled room, "Now to go … punish … my son."

Luke's POV

Luke's cock almost hurt as it bobbed, hard and leaking, in front of him as he hurried to their bed. He ignored the ache and continued at the fast pace as he knew that his father would expect him to be in position when he emerged from the bathroom.

Luke moaned in pleasure as his overheated skin met the cooling silk of the bed. He scrabbled onto the monstrously huge and sinfully soft bed, the silk clinging to his wet skin, resisting his efforts to move, but he persevered. He would miss this bed once they were on the Deathstryke.

Luke knelt and rested his forehead against the bedding. His hands crossed easily behind his back, one wrist gripping the other. He felt so open and sensual doing this. He had lost his virginity only a short time ago, but already the mores and fears that had held him back from such sex-play before were vanishing. In fact, he wanted to embrace these experiences. Live them to their fullest. In that vein of thought, the urge to push his engorged sex against the slick silk nearly overwhelmed him. That and the image of what Vader would do if he caught him at it.

He pressed down lightly against the bed, smearing precum along his shaft and staining the sheets. He knew Vader had entered the room and seen his disobedience before the Dark Lord said a word. Something in him knotted in fear and breathless anticipation. Would his father punish him by spanking him like a child over his lap or would he just take him then and there? He would accept either. He hoped for both.

"You disobeyed me, Luke," Vader said, his voice like dark honey.

Luke felt the bed dip under Vader's weight.

"I couldn't help myself, Father."

"You're a very bad child. Disobedient and willful. What am I to do with you?" Vader said and Luke felt one of his father's hands glide over his flanks.

Luke shivered. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be. I want to please you."

"Yet you defy me. Even though your desire to please me is pure, I'm afraid that is no excuse for disobeying a direct order, young one. I shall have to demonstrate what being a man of his word means, now won't I?"

"How will you do that, Father?" Luke asked though he thought he knew.

"What did I promise you if you rubbed yourself against the sheets?" Vader asked, his roaming hand lying still over Luke's right butt cheek.

"That … that you would," Luke swallowed, his throat suddenly dry as the desert, "that you would take me over your knee and … and redden … my … my behind."

"Yes, and now that must be done," Vader said. "Rise and lay yourself across my lap. Do not hesitate."

Luke gave out a shuddery breath as he rose up. Vader was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head turned around to watch Luke but his feet planted securely on the floor before him. Luke's cock felt like it weighed more than his body as he crawled across the bed to his father. All of Luke's doubts and fears melted away when they were together like this. His father was so open to him, so clearly desiring him and needing him that Luke had no uncertainty about his place with Vader. Qui-Gon might be his Master, maybe even Vader's father, but Luke would always be his Vader's beloved son. That position no one else could take.

Luke laid himself over Vader's thighs. The feeling of his father's silken skin against his engorged cock was almost too much. The Force tendril he had kept around the base was hardly enough to keep him from expelling his seed. He whimpered and struggled not to move his hips against those hard, muscled thighs.

Luke felt his father use the Force to draw something over to them. He heard the hiss of a lightstick being lit and smelt the familiar sulfurous odor. Was Vader heating something? Luke craned his neck around to look at what his father was doing. Wasn't he going to spank him? Vader grasped the back of his neck to keep him from seeing.

"Father, aren't you … aren't you going to punish me?"

"Oh, yes, Luke. I am. You merely assumed that I was going to use my hand to redden your sweet backside, but there are other ways," Vader said.

A trill of expectancy went through Luke at this unknown method of punishment. The hair on his arms stood up as he thought he felt the heat of the lightstick near his buttocks. He clenched them together uncontrollably and Vader chuckled at the involuntary movement.

"How are you going to punish me, Father?" Luke asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"Oh, you'd be amazed what you'd find on a Star Destroyer when you do unannounced inspections of stormtroopers' quarters," Vader said, amusement coloring his words. "I wonder if your friend Damon knows of this particular method of punishment?"

Luke grimaced at the mention of the stormtrooper. "I'm sure he does."

"Oh, you don't think he is chastely awaiting his conquest of you?" Vader asked. "Or perhaps he has reformed since he met you?"

Luke could tell from Damon's easy self-assurance that he had been with men before, perhaps many of them in laughing, effortless encounters that involved no thought or self-consciousness. Damon didn't seem the type to ever doubt his attractiveness or his desires. He was the opposite of Luke in many ways and how Luke wished he were when he was younger.

"I'm sure he is not one to remain chaste, Father. He does not seem the type," Luke answered dryly.

"Hmmm, well, you are probably correct. But enough of him. I find it angers me to even talk of him. Especially with you spread out, bare and willing. One thing is for certain though, this conversation about him is the closest he will ever get to you in a bedroom," Vader said huskily.

"I do not even want him this close, Father," Luke said. As a reward, Vader petted his hair.

"But now, we must get back to your punishment, young one. Your sweet words again will not dissuade me from doing my fatherly duty to you."

Luke tensed in pleasurable anticipation. His senses were on a hair-trigger as his excitement built. He could feel Vader's rigid cock pressed against his bare side, the slight shifting of his father's thighs beneath him, and the easy rise of Vader's chest as he took in and expelled air. That's when he felt something hot and thick spatter against the top of his right butt cheek. It burned against his skin for a moment before the substance cooled and hardened. The sensation was a mixture of pleasure and pain. He gasped and moaned as he felt another drop land then another and another. All the spots flared red hot then cooled. Yet still his skin sparked beneath them and was even more sensitive than before.

"Father … Father … what is that? What are you doing?" It was more that he didn't know where the next drop would land next rather than actual pain that was causing him to panic slightly.

"It is Aris wax," Vader said.

"Wax … oh," Luke murmured as he realized what the familiar sensation was on his tender skin, but he knew there must be something special about this wax, because it continued to make his flesh tingle long past what normal wax would have done.

"It is infused with crushed Acanthia seeds. Said to be an aphrodisiac," Vader explained.

One of his father's hands was suddenly parting his buttocks, exposing his pucker to the cool bedroom air. His father's fingertips glided over the sensitive opening in a circular motion.

"Father, what are you … are you going to use the wax … there?"

"And if I was to use it on your sweet pucker, Luke? Don't you think you deserve such punishment?"

Before Luke could answer, Vader's fingers were removed, but Luke's buttocks were still held open. He squirmed helplessly, trying to hide his sensitive opening. In response, Vader lightly smacked one of his ass cheeks, which throbbed where the wax still was as his over-sensitized skin absorbed the blow. Luke gritted his teeth and forced himself to remain still even as his cock leaked furiously against his father's thighs.

That's when he felt something hot and thick trickle down his channel, headed straight to his pucker. He couldn't help the trembling that spread through his body as the burning pleasure began.

The first trail of wax cooled and hardened before it reached his responsive opening. Luke shook as he waited for the next trail of hot wax to make the full journey. Would any seep inside of him? Hot and viscous and in him. What would it feel like when his father removed it? Luke shivered, his arousal twitching, raining down precum on the floor and his father's skin.

The next drop landed directly over his opening.

"Oh, Father! Oh!"

Luke's hands gripped the bed sheets as he felt some of the wax seep into his passage.

"How does that feel, Luke?"

"Oh, it hurts, but so … so good, too!"

Luke scrabbled at the sheets when his father's fingers stroked over the waxed filled opening and then suddenly pulled it off. There was a slight sting, but then the sparking sensation began in earnest inside of him. Luke's cock gave a jerk and only through pure force of will was he able to stop spilling his seed. He heard the bedding rip in his hands as he fought his impending orgasm.

"You are close, young one? You can't hold off from coming, can you?" Vader asked, his fingers tracing his opening's edges.

"Daddy … oh, Force … Daddy, I can't … can't stop ... please! Please!"

Vader suddenly flipped Luke over so that the boy could straddle him. His father's eyes were glowing amber and Luke could see from the furious movement of his throat that Vader was just as on the verge as he was.

"Want you in me, Father."

"If I try and prepare you, we'll both be lost," Vader gritted out.

"Then don't prepare me. Just … do it," Luke said, gripping Vader's shoulders.

"But that will be—"

"I don't care! I need your cock inside of me, Daddy," Luke demanded.

Vader's lush lips curled into a smile. "That's my son. A born leader. You shall have what you want."

He then grasped Luke's hips, positioning the boy over his leaking cock, the head the size of a plum, and pulled Luke down onto it while pushing up at the same time. Vader didn't stop until Luke's buttocks were resting flush against Vader's bare thighs. His father's moan of pleasure echoed in Luke's ears as he was fully sheathed in his son.

Luke gritted his teeth against the sharp pain the intrusion of his father's massive cock caused him as it split him open with nothing but precum to ease the way. The pain helped hold back his orgasm and allowed him to enjoy the sensation of nothing between them: skin to skin. He white-knuckled his father's shoulders while he took deep breaths, trying to make himself adjust.

"Luke, are you all right?" Anxiety tinged his father's voice and Vader's Force presence was suddenly surrounding him, trying to take the pain away and comfort him.

"I'm okay," Luke said and it was true, because as he had moved towards his father's chest the electric spot inside of him rubbed against Vader's cock and the pain seemed insignificant compared to that. He experimentally moved against and gasped as his prostate was touched again.

Concerned amber eyes looked long at him, but recognizing that he was all right, Vader murmured, "Good. Good. You are so tight, my son. So hot and tight and perfect."

"All for you, Father."

"Yes," Vader hissed.

The Dark Lord's hands slipped to his lower back to give Luke extra support as they began a slow and steady rocking motion. Vader's cock slipped in and out of his passage only a few inches, but it was more than enough as it hit his prostate with every other stroke. The pleasure was intense. Luke didn't want it to end. His eyes slid shut and he tilted his head back, offering his neck to Vader. His father began to kiss and lick his throat.

As Vader leant forward, Luke's cock was getting the benefit of Vader' taut stomach to rub against and the boy thrust more in earnest as his eager member was again reaching its zenith. He wanted more friction though and reached down to touch himself. Vader's hand was suddenly gripping his, making Luke's eyes fly open and stare into his father's.

"Being disobedient again, are you? Touching what is mine without permission," Vader said.

"Are you … are you going to punish me, Father?" Luke asked, suddenly breathless. Would his father use the wax on him as they made love?

"Oh, yes. Put your arms around my neck, young one, and hang on," Vader ordered.

Vader retrieved the Aris wax and lightstick he had tossed on the bed. His father's cock throbbed inside of him as they both watched him heat the wax until it was almost liquid. Vader suddenly leant down and nipped and sucked on one of Luke's nipples then pulled back and coated the sensitive nub with hot wax.

"Ooooh! Father! Yes, oh, Force!"

The sensation of the hot wax on his nipple went straight to Luke's cock. His back passage's muscles tightened around Vader's member and the Dark Lord gave out a surprised, pleasured cry.

"More, Luke? Do you deserve more punishment?" Vader breathed into his ear.

"Yes, oh, Force, please more!"

Vader chuckled though it sounded strained even to Luke's ears as his father fought his own orgasm. Vader's tongue slicked his nipple. His teeth drew the nub into a stiff peak and then the wax was applied and Luke's back passage clenched tight again. Vader's free hand gripped Luke close to his as his cock was massaged by Luke's internal muscles. Luke knew they both were close to coming and he knew what would take them both over the edge.

"Put it on my cock, Father," he said.

"Luke … are you sure?" Vader's eyes were glazed with lust and desire, but Luke saw the paternal concern trying to break through.

Luke ran his fingers down his father's face. "Yes. I want to feel it on my cock. I trust you to make it good."

Vader gave a strangled moan. "You are going to be the death of me. But what a way to go."

He heated the wax one last time while he continued to shallowly thrust into Luke.

"I won't be able to last much longer, my son."

Luke's hands tightened on his father's shoulders. He leant down and kissed him.

"We'll come together."

Vader shuddered then with their gazes locked he dripped the wax on Luke's erect cock. Luke shook as the hot liquid wrapped around his member. His skin tingled and burned underneath it but there was no pain just pleasure like his cock was being enrobed in warmth. Vader got rid of the wax and lightstick and his hands were suddenly gripping Luke's waist. He was using his great strength to lift Luke up and down on his cock.

The twin sensations of the wax cooling and tingling on his cock and Vader's brilliant member sliding inside of him sent Luke into a state where he had never been. Pleasure so great that blackness crept over the edges of his vision as his orgasm erupted from him. The last thing he felt before blissed-out unconsciousness take him was his father's seed spilling inside of him.

Vader's POV

"I must get us sustenance, young one. We need it after our lovemaking or I fear we will both pass out on our way to the Deathstryke," Vader teased his clinging son.

Luke slowly unwound his arms from Vader's neck, though he pouted. "You're coming back though? Right away?"

Vader ruffled Luke's hair, his expression softening. "Right away. I am just going to get us food from the other room that Artoo has gotten for us. That's all."

"I know. Its just …" Luke bit his lower lip. "We'll have to be more discrete on the Deathstryke, won't we? We won't have the chance to be … so together like this."

Vader kissed Luke's forehead, smoothing away the temporary frown lines from Luke's usual sunny visage. "We'll have to be … quieter. But I know I could not resist having you once a day at least."

Luke blushed, but his eyes met Vader's evenly as he said, "I have the same need as you, Father."

"My son," Vader said, affection apparent in his tone.

"Bring some of that juicy fruit, too. The one you ate before," Luke said as he flopped back against the pillows, arms stretched high over his head. "You looked so … beautiful … eating it."

"I will," Vader agreed then with a soft smile he turned from the vision on the bed and exited their bedroom into the living area of their quarters.

He and Luke had both collapsed for a half hour after the most incredible sex either had ever had. They had snuggled together, limbs entwined, while strength and consciousness had returned. Vader was still reeling internally by how amazing his son had been. So willing to experiment during their lovemaking. So perfect in his responses. Vader shivered. He was half hard again. He tightened the black silk robe around his body. If he kept on with that line of thought, he would be taking Luke again and already they were delayed enough in getting off the Executor.

As he crossed the living area, he suddenly felt a Force pull from his right. His footsteps slowed then stopped as he turned towards the sensation.

The Archive.

The silver disc that held the ancient Sith's consciousness winked at him from the top of the recorder. The fingers of his right hand closed against his palm then fanned open again as he imagined destroying it and the temptation and fear it represented. All he had to do was snatch it up and crush it to powder.

`But am I certain the Sith is even in there any more?' Vader thought and his amber eyes narrowed. `Does he exist now in my mind? In Qui-Gon's? In our bond itself? How else could he show us those visions? Or like Sidious, can he manipulate us from afar?'

These weren't the only questions he had. There were others that kept him lingering here, not acting, allowing the silver disc to glint at him like a precious gem hit by sunlight. Vader stepped forward then stepped back again.

`If I destroy the Archive then I'll never know what secrets this Sith knows … and if he's my father—NO! He's not. He's not Qui-Gon. He's not my father. He's just … just an ancient being with vast unimaginable power. So much knowledge, so many questions could be answered … and it's all within the palm of my hand …'

Vader stood still for one long moment before he took two quick steps forward and plucked the disc off of the recorder. He slipped it within a protective case and then into the pocket of the bag he planned to take on the Deathstryke. He would not destroy the ancient Sith. At least not yet. Not until he learnt all he could from him.

"Father? Are you coming? I'm starving!" Luke's sweet voice called from the bedroom.

Vader turned towards the warmth of his son's presence, a smile lighting his face even as fingers twitched towards the packed disc. "I'm coming, Luke. Don't worry, I'm coming."

Part 9

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