Just because I left
you doesn't mean that I love you any less.
It just means I love another
Perhaps love is not the right
word. It doesnít begin to describe these feelings. Obsession,
maybe. Addiction. A rush
unlike anything Iíve ever known. Better than drink, better than
spice, even better than
The Dark Side is my mistress.
And a powerful and demanding one she is.
It started innocently enough.
Some flirting here, a light touch there, and I was drawn in before
I knew it. Lured by a siren
song of power beyond any I had ever imagined. She was so quick,
so easy. And always there
when I needed her.
But soon, those quick encounters
were not enough. The more I touched the Dark Side, the
more I longed for her cold
embrace. She whispered to me at all hours, beckoning me to join
her, to immerse myself fully.
And I gave in to that call. To feel all that power resonating
through my body is the closest
thing to pure ecstasy Iíve ever experienced. With it, I can
do anything. Be anything.
And to think that this began
with a simple desire: to make myself more worthy of you. I saw
all those opportunities,
all those things you gave up to be with me. I didnít want you to
think you had made a mistake.
I thought that being more powerful would make me more
deserving of you. I thought
that you would love me more. I was wrong. In seeking to be more
deserving, I have become
someone to be despised. And Iíve destroyed everything.
And even now, youíre all
I think about. I know I donít deserve you, but I love you. So much
that it hurts. Every day
I spend apart from you causes another part of me to wither and
die. More than anything,
I just want to be with you. To see your smile, hear you laugh,
breathe in your perfume.
To feel alive again.
But the Dark Side is a jealous
mistress. I had to choose. And in the end, her seductive
melody was too much to resist.
Being with you allowed the Light in, and I could not fully
embrace her beautiful, terrible
potential. So I had to leave. But my soul remains with you,
and I stand here an empty
shell of a man.
But even now, there is untapped
power that I cannot reach, and I think it is your fault. No
matter how vile my emotions,
how depraved my acts, part of you remains with me. A small
flicker of light deep within
me that I cannot extinguish. And for this, my mistress holds
herself back from me, depriving
me of absolute mastery over her.
And when I lie awake at night,
that flicker of light burns brighter as I recall the warmth
of your arms, the softness
of your body, and the depth of your love. A love that never
demanded anything except
to be returned. And in seeking more, I lost everything I had.
So now, when I lie awake
missing you, I seek solace in the embrace of my Other Woman. But
hers is a cold, cold comfort.